Marianita

ain't a picnic
back to the meatshop
wiser, hopefully
midlife steppin out of the crisis ;-)

so now you choose between 27
and 47.

gurl, this should be an easy one.

yung madameng multong humahabol
parang five six na utang sa bumbay, ang hirap taguan, hindi mo pwedeng takasan
yung madaming issues na dapat i resolve
anak nya, anak mo, pera nya, pera mo --- ang gulo!
at ang pamosong linya, "hiwalay na kami", "hindi ko na sya mahal, respeto na lang para sa mga bata" by now alam naman natin, isa yang malaking panloloko, alam kong hindi yan madaling mapatawad
dahil ang totoo, eh hindi talaga sila separated, annulled or divorced .... magkalayo lang ...  OFW pala kasi :)
at yung physical distance, I was never wrong about that
distance, real or virtual, makes two strangers, remain strangers

So itong si Lolo, isa syang Mt. Fuji, in a bad way, ambigat nyang dalhin.
Araw araw, oras oras, kailangan mong iprove ang sarili mo sa kanya, at sya  rin sa iyo
If you choose him, be ready pronto!  to say bye bye to your once peaceful sleep ... spend more time locked up in the shower so your little boy would not have to hear your tears
your mascara expense will shoot up and your aging face smudged with it each time

So is it a question of how much he loves you
I dunno about that
I told you I stopped romanticizing ...
to them love is just spoken word, a need they are obligated to fulfill
old men are needy though they pretend so they act that they are not
sad but true, check his FB, always trying to make an impression, right?

the question you have to answer is ...
gusto mo ba ng bagahe na kasing bigat ng Mt. Fuji
are you happy?  yes, you said you found love, but you found burden, too
do you want that for your torn and worn self and that clueless child you dragged along in that mess
just because you  tried flirting with love?

gurl, i tell you this is an easy one.

he may have  a checkered past, but he can leave that behind to start a life with you
handcarry luggage lang yun that fits under the seat or in the overhead compartment, libre pa hindi masyadong malalim
but a mid-lifish bagagged man, the fact that he carried that all the way to midlife means HE FAILED to even just put it down.

let's be selfish ok, sa istorya na to dapat isa lang ang may bagahe.  ikaw.
kaya wag ka nang kumuha ng may bagahe na nga, mas mabigat pa sa bagahe mo.
Unless gusto mong magtayo ng FEDEX o LBC ---- bagahe pa more di ba nga lol

Marianita ... wag ka nang kumuha ng Marianito ok

Dun ka sa bente-syente anos.

As always, there are no guarantees
but with him you can dream and there is hope.

Pupusta ako dyan

... about someone new ...

I said "Sobriety" I was whispering.  En said he hates me sober :-) ... I replied, ""sometimes, I hate it, too, but ..."

I've come a long, far way from then. Fucked up. Messed.  Twisted.  Salvaged. Safe.

You see me around.  You'll never recognize me.  I walk like a stranger.  Was a stranger.  Always been.  Still is one.  Only stranger now  Stranger stranger.

You made me this way, don't you remember?

Wear me like a laurel.

I owe you my salvation.

I paid you love, blood, sweat and tears.