Holy Birth Week :)

Dinner date on a Holy Great Monday with CITEM friends. Monster pizza with EMD on Spy Wednesday. Family bonding on a Maundy Thursday. 21st of April.

It travelled all the way from Timog to Solar Homes. My dream, Pippi Longstocking cake. The first and the only in the Philippines. On my 41st, I bought myself an expensive marshamallow cake! Hurrayyy!!! Very very me. And btw, it’s purple, too.
(I realized how gratifying it is to buy yourself a cake. I looked weird and funny at first hahahah pero sobrang tuwang tuwa ako. I got the cake I wanted, in the look and package that I soooo desired hehehe .... uhmmm besides, I am really a weird and funny girl... so for all I care!)

Too many writings on my wall. My heartfelt thanks to my family and friends who sent in their “happy birthday greetings”.

Me such a little big girl so starry eyed with all my birthday presents and latest acquisitions: I’ve got a new purple plate that comes with a salad plate on rustic blue like coming out of the Renaissance period. A new fairy bling to wrap around my neck. Dainty cups for our hot choc’late. Steripods for Me and Soph (even with Dianini’s discouragement). A home spa foot massage ;), and my second batch of KJ ;) ;), and yes, free coffee grounds from Starbucks for my garden. Tita brought us her 50’s looking “Endless Love” bicycle. Looking old and ruggedly handsome in my garage. I also got a chance with Hanh’s last Monday, when school starts this June, Sophie will finally have a pepper spray .... :) ... Mommy knows best di ba naman.

I scrubbed clean my bathroom walls. It was a success. I’ve got fresh paint. Blue black on my toes.. We had ice cream on a Saturday. And hot chocolate on a Sunday. And lots of pasta in between.

Martha has to go. To give chance to Chuck and Heather. ;) Honestly, they don’t look pretty together. But sometimes, I guess, that’s just the way it’s meant to be. Disturbingly beautiful. My Afrikaan lovebirds. (LOL)

I’m packing for my next event. It’s about 4 hour drive from Manila. I hope to go the distance with Liz Gilbert. And start with Redd Quill's Mastretta. Van Draanen waiting for me.

In fairyland, I am Lark Ghillie Laurel Notchwood, and you are Faylinn Whim Lilac Bumblebottom. And uhhmmmm you don’t know this baby, but I have a good clear view of you from my bedroom window ;)

the 6th line ... i'm sorry, my bad.

Time Tested Beauty Tips


For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.



The late Ms Audrey Hepburn used to read this to her grandchild. I had a wooden mirror recently done with its inscription at the back. One of the many, many things I am sharing with my daughter.

Life re-starts at 41

Hexagram 40

TAKING APART
Freedom is to be innocent.
Guilt is the most massive prison wall there is. It makes you do, think and be what others prescribe.
If you think yourself something should be done, then do it. If not, then don’t – and don’t let anyone point at you and make a feeling of guilt in you. And never do that yourself. Making guilt is a crime against life.
Stay free and leave free.

Old bad habits are to die for errrr I mean, hard to die … meaning. can’t wont go away just like that. May be because, we do them in routine practice as such they are not acquired overnight but a prolong period of time in strictly conventional set of procedure. Old bad habits is part of a complex tradition of one’s being. It becomes us. It is us. A criss-crossing cobwebs, an embodiment of life lived in addiction. :)

Like (1) my innate stubbornness. (2) My wicked twin sister who goes by the name Bad Temper. (3) I fall out. I drop 'em. I leave. (4) The scoresheet like sweet peach in my pocket … nah, I don’t write ‘em in water, I’ve got your records of wrong neatly tucked in my sleeves. I honor my word, and (5) don’t forget offenses and misdeeds. I am like a child innocent with a knife. I thirst for your blood, (6) I am vindictive. I make mistakes, too. (7) I won’t easily forgive you. I don’t forget.

Like that (1) big house with a big swimming pool for my mother. (2) A good quiet, non-combatant life in UP. (3) Six kids and a happy marrried life. (4) A satiable hunger for “Church”. (5) Sobriety and a clean pair of lungs  (6) the pinkiest of health. And that wishing, and mushing, and gnashing that (7) it did not happen at all amongst us. (8) BabyDanes™.

And dreams, one thing I have learned about them. Sometimes you get closer to them. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes they get to you but only in a totally different package. You may not have it all in fact, you risk to have none of it at all. But at the end of the zip line, it’s not a bad dream after all. It’s a good dream anyway. :) No need for a bungee jump! I always wake up. My feet secured on the ground. I still can do moonwalkin’ … Roger Rabbit waitin’ …

I recognize my flaws. I always try to correct them or fight them back (many times I'm not successful, many times it's short-lived.)

I love my dreams. They keep me insane, and grounded, too.
For whatever they are, that’s what they are for. Can you imagine a life without them? How then would have I known the difference between the perfect and the imperfect. Between hope and despair.

Hexagram 41

DIMINISHING
This is all.
Get rid of all conditioning and forms. You think you need them for being present in the world, for being visible, being you. But what they do is hiding you. They hide your soul, your essence, your creativity, and they can even destroy all this.
If you dare to be your naked self, you will be amazed how great and rich it is. Diminishing is augmenting. Only an empty cauldron can receive others and blessings.
Let go in order to find.

Who said, you're entitled only to one re-booth ... this journey continues.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.220649684615030.70723.100000099992542&l=e18271e5e3

Pre-41st birthday celeb, 18th April twenny eleven @ Jowee Pepeywonie Muwahhh ;)

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my friends know what can make me smile ... quirky plates, something purple, anything fairy, intimate dinners, a damned good company, and yeah even a stolen pic of bad laundry and scattered butt! salamat po. ;)


(a brief backgrounder: nagplano si wenggay. i tried to haggle for a date. may MFI ang CITEM. matapos ang patakbo ko, isang linggo naman ako sa Rosales. may Grade school reunion daw sya sa Bicol. si Redd Quill naman mainit ang ulo kasi hindi ako nagiingat sa emails ko at bakit pati ang "the late friends" and si "mr and mrs" kasama pa. Sabi ko whewww, sowi i didnt know, i didnt care, i jusz clicked "send all". Ishtupid me. Pasensya na tao lang. Hindi na po mauulit. What's done is done. Cannot recall what was sent anymore. Am sure, they also didnt know and didnt care, sabi ko. "Akala mo lang yun, anu ba!", sabi nya. Tama na. Deadma na, pwede po. Umiiling si Flororita. Siguro sa isip nya, ang nanay namin may pagka tanga lang talaga paminsan minsan sa ilang bagay bagay hayyyy ... si Mykee, na panabla.

Dapat kasi sa Shakeys na naman. Sa Shakeys MOA, pag apat lang, taragiz, laging may nawawala. Una si Betong noong 2009. Sumunod si Ronnie, early this year lang. Inaway ko si Bok, anu be, baka may 3rd eye si Kooks ... manalig tayu sa bata. "Ma, hindi ba natatakot si Tita Irma sa yo. Namamatay na sila isa isa." ..... wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bok, ayawan na .................... ayoko sa Shakeys MOA ... tapos ikaw, ako, si Dianni, at Fayie lang. Apat na naman. Tawagan ko si Little Flower. Bitbitin mo si Tanquezon.

Eto ang the best ... la lang, parang, gamit lang ... nakalimutan si Jhona. Hindi nasabihan aiiisssstt. Dala ko si Manong Taxi driver from Kamuning na mabait, TG walang traffic ... pagdating ko sa bundy ng CITEM .... wahhhhhh si Wenggay at Dianne lang, ninerbyos na ako. Waaaaa magpo-41 palang ako, please naman, ayoko na ito ang last bday ko ... pleazzzzzzeeee

Buti na lang, si Mykee, addict (tagal na nito ungot ng labas eh) kahit naka kurbata, ang aga. Buti na lang naiisip ni Diana Rose ... sa Joey Pepperoni na lang, mahal sa Gerry's Grill eh (treat pa naman nila). Buti na lang humabot si Del Carmen ... kahit pa bibilhan sya ni Mommy ng Sony Vaio, o di ba naman.

Ang Joey Peps, two restos away from that cursed, fucking cursed Shakeys damned fuck!

Mabubuhay ako. Mabubuhay ako. (LOL)

On making chances or taking 'em (I hope you dance*)

Two ways: again there’s fate. A commoner’s convenient, safe excuse, in moments of failure and despair.

The other way, is the road less traveled. A narrow path from the iceberg’s tip. The sweet emancipation of destiny from all shame and all the pain from all the blame. We make ‘em. Create ‘em. Live by ‘em. The pros and the cons.

Destiny makes us a little lazy, don’t you think. A little complacent, too. A whiner, complainer. But It gives us faith, too. It's actually a good road test to examine how far we can trust the Unseen. The Untouched. It’s like air. Some thing you don’t see but you can feel. It’s like a drug of superstition. But Destiny separates the lucky from the unlucky ones.

Our plans and actions need a great amount of hard work. Even careful and good judgment. Making chances requires certain skill sets. When I say, we can actually make ‘em. I didn’t say just make ‘em. I mean its tougher creating chances than just wait for them to fall in your lap like a manna from heaven. Making your own chances separates the skilled and the wise from the lames and the sissies. A little amount of luck wont hurt but still wont make em for us. Since it could be like baking a cake :), making hot choc’late, writing a poem, a painting, there is so much gratification in making ‘em, and a great amount of danger, too.

But who sez, chances are painless always. That path you take, that’s life itself. A box of nougat, you aint knowing what you gonna get:) And if they are painless and rosy all the time, what would it make out of us. Lazy, superstitious spoiled brats :)

While I am fascinated with anything pre-destined. And fascination is a feeling of sweet dreams coming into life. Nonetheless, don’t you want to have some kind of control, in your life, a little decision-making on which path to take. Get some creative juices working and strategize. It’s like making your favorite ice cream mixed with your favorite berries. Berries alone they gave quite a fancy of variety huh.

I have taken my chances like a child with arms stretched open, with big hopes in my eyes. They come like a package of blessing. A picture of God’s graciousness. Who am I to refuse my Father.

I keep my options open, too. Some days, those days, as the need arises, when am not too lazy, with just the right amount of sucrose, lactose and frustose in my bloodstream, and ideas running naked in my head, I take that call and grab that chance of creating my own.



*A poem by Mr. Ed

@ the Flipside

1. I got Thumper, Marie and Tinx. My new pairs of Boxers. Philips In-ear earphones … with purse and purple. Hello Kitty Glass cover for Soph. A pair of Nike training snickers :) and running socks, too.

2. Fayie’s birthday. I was a little late with my greetings. It was almost Sunday and Saturday was my ingress. :( But as a rule, I don’t forget birthdays, especially family’s and friends’. Monday, she made lambing, so I treated her at Pizza Hut Blue Wave.

3. My nephew Ian’s graduation from NKP. I got him and his Kuya, water guns. Too bad I was not able to join them for some home cooked paghetti parteeehhh … I was too damned busy!



4. She crossed the line. Sophie’s first 3K and she successfully hit the tape.


358 507 SOPHIA CLARISS MERZA 14 F 22:04 7:22 3







5. All Star Kapuso Fun Run. Over!

6. F!

This one made me cry. More than half of the film I was picking up myself from bed, getting tissues to wipe my eyes. I could not help but PM Wenggay. I remember she mentioned about that Seyfriend chick flick. But this one is it. But more than cheesy chick, this one's the real thing. It hits you where it hurts :) Raw and real. Happiness is genuine.

My favorite scenes were those of between Morgan Lily and Ryan Ketzner (young Julianna and Bryce). And all the "flipping" scenes. :)



I am the world’s only 40 year old juvenile :) For not being able to accept that yes, I was angry, and I still am. I am twirling because I was trying to fight it back. Doors get shut. Bridges burned. Tables get turned. 360 degrees. Feelings flipped. That fear I could not conquer, the same kisz I ever wanted all of my dear life. The same one I could actually live without. I am smart, spirited, "iridescent" , stubborn and a a little weird. And there’s no bee in my hair. 8th graders are better off than many of us. Juli’s Bryce is not a coward after all.

7. Okay, that's it. I had spotting again. The good news is, I am convinced, gotta get to my OB really quick this weekend.


(Sorry this is such a brief interlude. It had been a toxic week and weekend. I needed all the pain killers and antibiotics I could get. I got home yesterday afternoon, and slept like I was good for dead. I dozed off at 2 PM, 10th of April, and woke up at 8 AM 11th of April. Whewww that was one hell of a sleep ei!)

a taste of dark choc'late

from miss angeli