https://youtu.be/2ncMjBhn0cI
… may be next year … time’s fast naman … so sa 2018 ulit … basta buhay ako … hahanapin kita … mahahanap kita … kahit hindi mo alam, kahit ayaw mo …
#Joel Ilagan
”
... my other garden ;)
About Me
- Irma
- I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Monday, March 6, 2017
one more shot at the dark
you know, i always go back to that place
you didn't notice
you were too busy, growing your network, liking this and that, sharing stuff, posting videos, waxing poetry. especially during March. always in March. there's just too much to celebrate in March.
you know, i turned on the lights for you
and you didn't even blink.
you didn't notice
you were too busy, growing your network, liking this and that, sharing stuff, posting videos, waxing poetry. especially during March. always in March. there's just too much to celebrate in March.
you know, i turned on the lights for you
and you didn't even blink.
Friday, February 3, 2017
shallow
Try to make some sense naman, and please your manicured musings about your love, your life, your happiness, blah, blah, blah makes me puke arrgghhh
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Facebook Moments
#hugotLines #Catunaosiblings #selfExplanatory
Dagitab: An Ode to Middle Aged (freakin') Love (whatever that meant)
Monday, August 29, 2016
Did you see the rainbow ... ?
* * *
who loves me
and is proud of that
and is proud of me (the little things about me*)
is
somebody not you.
*jusz sayin', jusz so you know
i have a name and i was part of a memory
Friday, May 27, 2016
... about someone new ...
I've come a long, far way from then. Fucked up. Messed. Twisted. Salvaged. Safe.
You see me around. You'll never recognize me. I walk like a stranger. Was a stranger. Always been. Still is one. Only stranger now Stranger stranger.
You made me this way, don't you remember?
Wear me like a laurel.
I owe you my salvation.
I paid you love, blood, sweat and tears.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
one day i'm gonna marry you
and i got what i wanted
i waited so long
so now i got to live with that
oh i know everything
seen all that
read em loud
to myself over and over
and over again
until i memorized all the lines
i can draw every inch of your smiles
since day 1
the day we met was the day you lied
i got you nike air she got you a shirt
she was your thanksgiving and early christmas gift
lucky clover ballroom fuck!
so now what suddenly mother's day made you wax poetry, too
you never stop lovin the One you love
you never stop hurtin the one you don't
damn' how could have i missed that
and this part i kept from you
despite of all the lies
that i left but you know, I held on
because i thought or wished or said so to myself
you did love me, too, somehow even for a little while
yes you did, or still do
i died a thousand times and you didn't even notice
Thursday, February 25, 2016
one day i'm gonna marry you
and i got what i wanted
i waited so long
so now i got to live with that
oh i know everything
seen all that
read em loud
to myself over and over
and over again
until i memorized all the lines
i can draw every inch of your smiles
since day 1
the day we met was the day you lied
i got you nike air she got you a shirt
she was your thanksgiving and early christmas gift
lucky clover ballroom fuck!
so now what suddenly mother's day made you wax poetry, too
you never stop lovin the One you love
you never stop hurtin the one you don't
damn' how could have i missed that
and this part i kept from you
despite of all the lies
that i left but you know, I held on
because i thought or wished or said so to myself
you did love me, too, somehow even for a little while
yes you did, or still do
i died a thousand times and you didn't even notice
Monday, December 7, 2015
Me, Roxanne, Train Rides
"You back Moms?" That was actully a remark. Her opening salvo.
We always take the couch with the strongest airconditioning sometimes it would be the 2nd from the front, South bound. Tonight, a tiny window was left open, the wind was getting in.
"My best girl from HS's coming home from Sydney. I said. Dapat 2016 pa sila maguuwian along with our other friends from San Diego and Ontario. But Mame's cancer stricken, stage 4 ... so what's left of us will have a little reunion in our little hometown on Christmas week. My friends, Facebook is their preferred platform. I said viber though. But majority wins. She'll be home by next week, we need to rush and file our paid vacation.
The other reason concerns my daughter's travel to the US next year, I want to know my options in getting a less expensive, safer carrier. My way of getting at a more informed decision ;-) For these reasons, I needed to activate again. I'm sure I'd be done with all these really soon. So everything elses in everyone elses lives will go back to normal."
That was a long revalida huh. But ain't she a bit interrogating. Intriguing. Malicious. :)
Tapos? That again was actually a remark. She can read me like a book you know. I remember during our very first train ride together she bombardized me with all the personal questions that she got into her head, I was caught of guard, but I'm a pretty bad liar. That was when we started becoming friends.
Moments like this ... its hard to catch my gaze. I purposely was looking far and away from hers. Ang likot ng mata ko, ang hirap hulihin.
Para matapos lang, I took the courage to face her for a second.
I sighed, i smiled or i smiled then i breathed long ... i actually do not remember which came first.
But even before she could say anything, i turned my head away. Each time my voice breaks I know what happens next.
It was just the two of us on a small bench inside the second couch of a big, moving train. She didn't insist but I know she heard what I said softly against the wind
"Sayang. Akala ko kasi mahal nya din ako."
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Alice Blue Facebook October 2015
Damn FB Freakin me out!!! This account has been deactivated for the longest time. Then suddenly I'm getting notifications for comments and messages ... suddenly Alice Blue is on air ... and it is ... WTF!
Destine's Will's fault ... he got me into this second account. But that's water under the bridge. I put everything else behind us now, Destine and Will. I've crossed over since then. Gone back. Old loves.
Destine's Will's fault ... he got me into this second account. But that's water under the bridge. I put everything else behind us now, Destine and Will. I've crossed over since then. Gone back. Old loves.
 |
| Excuse me ... adik lang po sa pag deaktivate at mamblock pero indi naman ako si madame chekwang schizo para madameng papalit palit na fb acounts hehe ... |
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Facebook* October 2015
hindi pa kaya ... hindi pa din kaya ... minsan iniisip ko sana ... noon pa na block mo na lang ako ... nakatulong ka pa ...not because you cared about me (knowing you never did) ... just may be doing your batchmate a little favor ... sana lang ... but even that it's quite late by now.
 |
| goin down, closin down |
*kaya ayokong bumabalik sa FB eh, naiinis ako sa yo, kasi mamimiss lang kita lalo tapos wala naman katuturan yon ... ang ending magagalit na naman ako sa sarili.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
alchemizing (Margaret) Altwood's ...
... as i was sayin ' ...
Good for you Mr. Michals :-)
For I am the doomed one.
While you got your proof.
I have none.
All my stories, and they are too many
they only exist in my world.
I have a memory that's kept only in my head
and in my heart lives one love unrequitted.
'couldn't even say my name
when he told a friend
"fuck you! who are you talking about!"
or something like that.
to him, i did not ever exist.
and all those times while we fuck
i was thinking he truly cared about me or us, may be
jusz may be.
So cheers to you Mr. Michals
when you get to heaven to meet God
you have a photograph to show.
I am left with Miss Altwood's, could be a blessing or a curse.
"I imagine him imagining me. This is my salvation."
(I still do.)
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Facebook March 2015
Its not easy to go back. But i still tried as i was getting bored with the long bus ride home. There was no special moment at all just me fighting boredom as I struggle in finding the courage to go back.
Now, here's the inevitable each time I activate my FB account.
I get bombarded by a barrage of memories of you, of us. Nah not the bad ones, but our sweet fun funny endearing and, intimate memories.
Going back to Facebook gives me that feeling of wanting you and what i thought i had with you even for a brief period of time. I miss our marathon conversations, successfully overcoming distance and time difference. Until this very day, as i think of you, i am certain that you are still my most favorite person to talk to. I thinks it's not fair , but very accurate to say that i've deliberately wasted time trying to be affectionate with other men, some of them were old acquiantances, one was my bestfriend ... hoping that anything will come close to what i had with you. Or may be nearer to my idea of you, my concept of us. the effort to feign it made the difference between them and you more obvious. Instead, it throws me back to my own puddle of realities. It breaks me to see how far we've gone with our separate lives, and how long 4 years went like it was another 30 years or more.
Going back to Facebook is like chocolates and cigarettes and all the many bad things my doctor asked me to avoid. Coming back is too tempting, too strong for me to resist checking on you. So i would, like a crazy fool, and so i did, like a silly girl. I was happy to see an old picture of you in the cover photo. I've never forgotten your silhouette. I remember clearly that gaze i mistaken to be of a man genuinely in love with me, and your lips i really thought i could kiss one day, and your cheeks with that trademark mole which first stole my attention in 6th grade. then it was cute, now to me it's sexy. :-). And i did, yes i did feel the joy in your heart in those pictures. How proud you are with your wife. and your sons not little boys anymore. And a new baby. I wish i have that life, too, with you. But i'm not her, so ...
But this time all that doesnt matter. Facebook makes me remember my journey with you. The way you call me honey, reverberated and made my knees weak. Youd tell me you love and that was it, i melted away. We did agree, yes, that the best sex is always with the one you love. And each time we did, you'd bring me to a place I always wanted to stay and spend blitzkrieg makin' luv with you. Both Taurus, we are each others equal when it comes to sex as we are with our sense of humor.
If you lied to me. If you loved me or not. Or if you love her more. If didnt matter. Years passed and its was unnecessary to understand all the reasons why you left me hanging and clueless the time i needed you (and my daughter) most, why you cursed my friends, and pretended you didnt know about me, why you eventually dumped me ,,,, why you said things you didn't mean ... why you made promises you did not intend to keep ... etc etc
... but that day i came back ... our memories got me ... they were too good, and beautiful and happy ... and may be that's why it hurts.
Now, here's the inevitable each time I activate my FB account.
I get bombarded by a barrage of memories of you, of us. Nah not the bad ones, but our sweet fun funny endearing and, intimate memories.
Going back to Facebook gives me that feeling of wanting you and what i thought i had with you even for a brief period of time. I miss our marathon conversations, successfully overcoming distance and time difference. Until this very day, as i think of you, i am certain that you are still my most favorite person to talk to. I thinks it's not fair , but very accurate to say that i've deliberately wasted time trying to be affectionate with other men, some of them were old acquiantances, one was my bestfriend ... hoping that anything will come close to what i had with you. Or may be nearer to my idea of you, my concept of us. the effort to feign it made the difference between them and you more obvious. Instead, it throws me back to my own puddle of realities. It breaks me to see how far we've gone with our separate lives, and how long 4 years went like it was another 30 years or more.
Going back to Facebook is like chocolates and cigarettes and all the many bad things my doctor asked me to avoid. Coming back is too tempting, too strong for me to resist checking on you. So i would, like a crazy fool, and so i did, like a silly girl. I was happy to see an old picture of you in the cover photo. I've never forgotten your silhouette. I remember clearly that gaze i mistaken to be of a man genuinely in love with me, and your lips i really thought i could kiss one day, and your cheeks with that trademark mole which first stole my attention in 6th grade. then it was cute, now to me it's sexy. :-). And i did, yes i did feel the joy in your heart in those pictures. How proud you are with your wife. and your sons not little boys anymore. And a new baby. I wish i have that life, too, with you. But i'm not her, so ...
But this time all that doesnt matter. Facebook makes me remember my journey with you. The way you call me honey, reverberated and made my knees weak. Youd tell me you love and that was it, i melted away. We did agree, yes, that the best sex is always with the one you love. And each time we did, you'd bring me to a place I always wanted to stay and spend blitzkrieg makin' luv with you. Both Taurus, we are each others equal when it comes to sex as we are with our sense of humor.
If you lied to me. If you loved me or not. Or if you love her more. If didnt matter. Years passed and its was unnecessary to understand all the reasons why you left me hanging and clueless the time i needed you (and my daughter) most, why you cursed my friends, and pretended you didnt know about me, why you eventually dumped me ,,,, why you said things you didn't mean ... why you made promises you did not intend to keep ... etc etc
... but that day i came back ... our memories got me ... they were too good, and beautiful and happy ... and may be that's why it hurts.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Irma luvs Arnold
- January 20, 2014
- January 20, 2014
- January 20, 2014
- January 21, 2014
- Janaury 28, 2015
∞ ∞ ∞
Some points to ponder
1) For God's sake of course we all know this perfectly well ... two people stay in a marriage for many different reasons ...(and excuses). Love, possibly. :)
Top of the head, here are my two cents worth ... consenting adults stay married for a variety of justifications, to wit:
- social conformity (religion included ... a friend swore that she'd rather get into affairs why not but she will never file a divorce from her irresponsible, philandering extravagant husband because they're sagrado INC)
- protecting a family name - putting weight on image more than honor. False honor, blind loyalty very common amongst Filipino families.
- Marriage as a NEED. Society dictates that people settle down at a certain point in their lives. Most of the time we marry the person a) we feel obligated to b) for convenience c) currently in our lives.
- The children. Decisions get divided because of the children, must say younger children/children with special needs are the most convenient and accessible. We all know that as we grow old in a marriage, little ones, they grow old, too, and eventually, they leave us to pursue a life, find their own happiness, and so we are left, senile and unable to rationalize the choices we made at the time we made them. Trying to convince our torn and worn selves that may be somehow we used the right motivation. My daughter is 18 soon, and I'm already putting together my revalida. :)
- this my safe place. i cannot go wishing and wanting for second chances without breaking my heart and hurting myself. now you know, why I stayed, and kept to myself.
The decision to marry or stay married is all about expectations. Hopefully love is part of that. Usually it is. We all started with love. How far love goes/went is/was another story.
2) Rosellyn is just a number
Dunno. But i have this feeling. I checked on her 2 Fbs and i couldn't help but worry. I actually could ask his brother. Rolyn and I are connected in google+ ... but honestly ... actually ... do i really want to know? I'm so cynical about all these that I don't need anyone's sob stories at this point in my life. I don't want to know that she broke her heart after betting on her "another" second chance. Much that I don't want to hear that she went running back to her a sad, cold and lonely marriage and dark days just started again in mid life.
But I'd be of proud of her for pushing it forward. The courage to leave a marriage gone sour, and fall in love crazy again like when we were twennies. Ain't she bold nuff to do both. The two things many of us are scared of. I'd give her 5 gold stars for that.
But if she was reckless and sissy ... am takin' em back and she owes me 10 more for that. Oh, please I can't forgive her for breaking her heart. Old folks' hearts are like vintage China and there's a big bad wild bull on rampage --- we can't live the rest of lives and die with a broken heart. No way! That's ruthless fate! Fuck destiny!
Top of the head, here are my two cents worth ... consenting adults stay married for a variety of justifications, to wit:
- social conformity (religion included ... a friend swore that she'd rather get into affairs why not but she will never file a divorce from her irresponsible, philandering extravagant husband because they're sagrado INC)
- protecting a family name - putting weight on image more than honor. False honor, blind loyalty very common amongst Filipino families.
- Marriage as a NEED. Society dictates that people settle down at a certain point in their lives. Most of the time we marry the person a) we feel obligated to b) for convenience c) currently in our lives.
- The children. Decisions get divided because of the children, must say younger children/children with special needs are the most convenient and accessible. We all know that as we grow old in a marriage, little ones, they grow old, too, and eventually, they leave us to pursue a life, find their own happiness, and so we are left, senile and unable to rationalize the choices we made at the time we made them. Trying to convince our torn and worn selves that may be somehow we used the right motivation. My daughter is 18 soon, and I'm already putting together my revalida. :)
- this my safe place. i cannot go wishing and wanting for second chances without breaking my heart and hurting myself. now you know, why I stayed, and kept to myself.
The decision to marry or stay married is all about expectations. Hopefully love is part of that. Usually it is. We all started with love. How far love goes/went is/was another story.
2) Rosellyn is just a number
Dunno. But i have this feeling. I checked on her 2 Fbs and i couldn't help but worry. I actually could ask his brother. Rolyn and I are connected in google+ ... but honestly ... actually ... do i really want to know? I'm so cynical about all these that I don't need anyone's sob stories at this point in my life. I don't want to know that she broke her heart after betting on her "another" second chance. Much that I don't want to hear that she went running back to her a sad, cold and lonely marriage and dark days just started again in mid life.
But I'd be of proud of her for pushing it forward. The courage to leave a marriage gone sour, and fall in love crazy again like when we were twennies. Ain't she bold nuff to do both. The two things many of us are scared of. I'd give her 5 gold stars for that.
But if she was reckless and sissy ... am takin' em back and she owes me 10 more for that. Oh, please I can't forgive her for breaking her heart. Old folks' hearts are like vintage China and there's a big bad wild bull on rampage --- we can't live the rest of lives and die with a broken heart. No way! That's ruthless fate! Fuck destiny!
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