They come in twos ... like a lighting striking twice :(
The malaise of incompetence ... the major, major scarcity of proficiency.
I can't even control my own blog site. Am already taking so much man hours and computer time of their tech team. Thank heavens for assigning Andy to me. So so so prompt and patient with my silly, ishtupid school girl questions. I was his plague :( ... sowi naman :) ... I was doing it in good faith ... just trying to put up a little security from my loyal stalkers (~~ tribe increasing ... and getting better, meaner by the day). Andy was probably wearing that grin on his face (you know, that kind of grin ... chester cat smile ... darn!) ... rewarding himself for finally losing me :) ... his persistent, inquisitive, panicky customer hehe ... as he try to find, one last time, the most elementary ways of explaining the complex world of IT to a blogger who can't and does not have just the amount of determination to survive this cyberjungle ... me jusz throwing in the towel ... "OK, that's it ... am reverting ... shooottttss!
It was my fault though. Last year I made a little indecision ... and a little amount of that is certainly a bad decision! :) ... "kramri dot" no good ... sowi naman ... may be, i'll get a puppy instead, and just call him "kramri".
... so what's that other phenomenon ... (in only a span of 3 days) ... last night I got home after unwillingly hurdling massive traffic at Coastal Road (God bless friends like Dianni for keeping me company while on the road even for a short while ... yeah, i still take no airconditioning baby busses from alleys you never knew that ever existed ... it's like riding a rusty old tetanus-filled can opener as I always say ... but i feel safer knowing that i won't find you there ... smart thinking IT dummy huh) ... home finally ... shower next. There you go, black out! Not a sign of life. Not a blink. Not a sound. Thank God for 5 MAXX movies. It breaks our hearts ... Sophie and I. So that makes me really wanna call 1800-STUART LITTLE. Me and Soph, wanna grab that silver lining ASAP ... mother and daughter will talk about it in details may be next Monday ... WT ... after my Sunday Mall Tours ... dirty soutthhh babbyyyy babyyyyy ... or may be I can assign Maurette there, and me stay on the far south side closer to my dug out:)
... and this came out ... like rain water dripping from old gutters ... for all the things I failed at, and lost for the last 3 days ... this was such a symphony cradling me to my sleep last night ...
... my other garden ;)
About Me
- Irma
- I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
40 begets life
Indeed, a busy birth week. Friendship overdose, why not ei. I made sure I was gracious enough to thank everyone who sent their greetings via Friendster, FB, yahoo and SMS.
Catch me while am trying to “capture” the moments.
I got a choc'late cake on a Monday. I was kidding Bok to change the venue. Three’s @ Shakey’s MOA was a curse. I said, I’d just be 40 by Wednesday, I don’t have plans to die young and besides I’m keeping a little optimism in my pocket for some baby dreams. Thank God for Anakish Jonah. Now it’s safe and even :)
Bok ordered for everyone. The pizza was good. We all loved mojos. Rons and Jones shared a pitcher of iced tea. Bok and I shared 2 pitchers of draft beer,
I took Ronnie to the taxi stand by 8:30 pm. He can’t stay up very late anymore. I was happy to be of service. I was also dismayed on how uneducated this nation is in dealing with physically challenged people tsk tsk
Back on the table, I dunno how we got there :) … they probably forgot that it was my birthday celebration, the next scenes were the ultimate grilling. He was like a piece of raw meat thrown in a lions den … two lions. Lions named Bok and Anakish. His own daughter slaughtering her own father :) … it was her question that started the fire :) :) … I know there was no amount of convincing … I hummed … those mutated lines I made famous … “and I love you so, my friends ask me why.”
So I learned the story behind the dragon fruit :) … the Saturday pizza, MFI RIVS all piling up on his desk, and for God’s sake …. the AHIMA report (Bok giving up on this with all her heart), the MTIAPI brochure which almost left our anakish broken hearted especially his tatay teaming up with pimpee that time to defend and sell that very bright idea to AOC and JBG, the legend of the ol’ fuckin’ wheel as narrated to Jaylord (Wenggay already losing her mind around this time .. and rolling on her belly, too), his ESP presentation when he was late and completely catatonic, and then the sob stories (at least for me), his own staff complaining about him (his really really slowwww paced decision-making … and his really really bad decision-making), all behind his back tsk tsk. It’s been 4 years, I dunno what happened to the man. I had faith in him. I thought he just needed the right amount of push. And a great deal of inspiration. Some really positive influence to get those creative juices working and pump up some really positive energy to make him move at least on a reasonable speed :) He was my PM. I fought for him really bad. I knew there was something about him. I gave him liberty to make certain decisions. He presided important meetings and I was just sitting next to him. I felt there was little polishing needed on his competence. Each time a person gets better, his confidence level increases, I always say that. He now heads a group of young, creative people whose talents are really important to CITEM’s mandate. He long waited for that. To be acknowledged and be given the chance to shine. That was a promotion long overdue. But you know, sometimes human error, we are given a moment to do something useful, and make a difference, we take it for granted, or even mess it up. Long waited for it, but once its in our hands … how foolish can we get.
I was told he always drink and party with his staff, I hope that they grab that time also as an opportunity to discuss their issues, objectively, sincerely with the goal of course, to find solutions, and improve on their respective performance at work. He heads that group it is his obligation to put them together, their act together, deliver the goods. I bet the beers gonna taste better after that. Sincerity is always sweet.
I told Weng to tell him that as a friendly advice. Anyway, they’re “occasional friends naman. :( She refused, and openly said she gave up on him along time ago, even after he first told him about the legendary wheel. Bok said that he should get that from his so called best friends, Boogaloo and Pimpee.
“But they turned him to a Mongol,” I argued. “They support and encourage his ways. They couldn’t be relied upon.”
“That’s his fault. That’s their problem. Let 'em stew in their own juices. I have better things to do. Don’t sweat, Irms.” Sabi ni Bok.
As usual, we closed down Shakey’s. We were on the road home by 12 midnight.
Thank God, I wasn’t late for work the next morning :).
I was on the phone with Maweng Gigi on a Tuesday. A pre –birthday call. She asked about my plans this Wednesday. I said I was going to be on leave for the next two days. She quickly invited me to spend tomorrow at CITEM :). I stopped coming around na raw kasi. It’s been more than 3 months since last January. MyPiayaya texted me the same when she also found out I will be on birthday leave.
I graciously declined. Ayoko na mapagusapan, pag hindi ka nakikita, hindi ka naalala ... tsaka ayaw ko na din na …
(Naintidihan naman nila.)
Sophie’s birthday gift to mom was actually a week earlier. She got me Charlie Brown and Snoopy pillow case from UK for 80 bucks :) My daughter knows I adore Chuck.
She also bought me choc’late decadence cake. I blew 4 pink candles from it.
I had a sweet time with my little girl on my 40th..
That night I treated myself with 8 bottles of San Mig lyte.
21 April 2010, Wednesday. Everybody remembered … never him. I called it a day.
My gift for moi. Finally, I went to see my OB. Honestly, it didn’t look good. The cervical exam was a painful procedure especially for me. It has been like that since I gave birth 13 years ago. I just have to pray for the results. I already texted my Christian friends for prayers. I’m being tested for malignant cells. Next week is it. I pray they're not malignant.
Friday. Last stop Quattro Bar and … that place hehe both jusz a few steps away from my office. Dinner and drink and body shots with Dognuts. May tama na kami ni Pong ng dumating si Nanat from PASADO. There was a long discussion about films. I am so excited to resume watching The Sopranos, and equally excited to watch The Reader. The holocaust is an endearing topic for me. It was God’s lesson to humanity. Just the night before our rendezvous, I was online checking sites on holocaust survivors, my daughter got curious but it was hard to explain in one sitting. I just told her how fortunate we are for not being part (either as a Jew or otherwise) of that dark side of history. And how pride and prejudice can result to genocide.
That evening was ceremonial for the three of us as we made a pact to attend the grand reunion next year. Blood compact actually (Jonathan’s blood only hahaha). This is happy news for everyone in Batch 86 especially to overseas Dognuts who are, using the words of our good friend, Arlene V. Lee, “uwing-uwi na.”
Home by 4:00 AM on a Saturday. I woke up, still lazy, and resumed Fendzter-FB migration. First 10 photos from My DelicioUs ambiguity album are now saved in FB, 87 more to come. So fast, how time flies, I don’t remember his face anymore. Thelmz said he’s no longer sporting a goatee.. Bok said he’s gained weight (his butt grew big daw hahaha --- loko talaga tong si Weng). Sabi ni Faye, he had free facial daw hehe. He’s got new shirts according to Gigi.
Hey, stranger, how are you doing?
Catch me while am trying to “capture” the moments.
I got a choc'late cake on a Monday. I was kidding Bok to change the venue. Three’s @ Shakey’s MOA was a curse. I said, I’d just be 40 by Wednesday, I don’t have plans to die young and besides I’m keeping a little optimism in my pocket for some baby dreams. Thank God for Anakish Jonah. Now it’s safe and even :)
Bok ordered for everyone. The pizza was good. We all loved mojos. Rons and Jones shared a pitcher of iced tea. Bok and I shared 2 pitchers of draft beer,
I took Ronnie to the taxi stand by 8:30 pm. He can’t stay up very late anymore. I was happy to be of service. I was also dismayed on how uneducated this nation is in dealing with physically challenged people tsk tsk
Back on the table, I dunno how we got there :) … they probably forgot that it was my birthday celebration, the next scenes were the ultimate grilling. He was like a piece of raw meat thrown in a lions den … two lions. Lions named Bok and Anakish. His own daughter slaughtering her own father :) … it was her question that started the fire :) :) … I know there was no amount of convincing … I hummed … those mutated lines I made famous … “and I love you so, my friends ask me why.”
So I learned the story behind the dragon fruit :) … the Saturday pizza, MFI RIVS all piling up on his desk, and for God’s sake …. the AHIMA report (Bok giving up on this with all her heart), the MTIAPI brochure which almost left our anakish broken hearted especially his tatay teaming up with pimpee that time to defend and sell that very bright idea to AOC and JBG, the legend of the ol’ fuckin’ wheel as narrated to Jaylord (Wenggay already losing her mind around this time .. and rolling on her belly, too), his ESP presentation when he was late and completely catatonic, and then the sob stories (at least for me), his own staff complaining about him (his really really slowwww paced decision-making … and his really really bad decision-making), all behind his back tsk tsk. It’s been 4 years, I dunno what happened to the man. I had faith in him. I thought he just needed the right amount of push. And a great deal of inspiration. Some really positive influence to get those creative juices working and pump up some really positive energy to make him move at least on a reasonable speed :) He was my PM. I fought for him really bad. I knew there was something about him. I gave him liberty to make certain decisions. He presided important meetings and I was just sitting next to him. I felt there was little polishing needed on his competence. Each time a person gets better, his confidence level increases, I always say that. He now heads a group of young, creative people whose talents are really important to CITEM’s mandate. He long waited for that. To be acknowledged and be given the chance to shine. That was a promotion long overdue. But you know, sometimes human error, we are given a moment to do something useful, and make a difference, we take it for granted, or even mess it up. Long waited for it, but once its in our hands … how foolish can we get.
I was told he always drink and party with his staff, I hope that they grab that time also as an opportunity to discuss their issues, objectively, sincerely with the goal of course, to find solutions, and improve on their respective performance at work. He heads that group it is his obligation to put them together, their act together, deliver the goods. I bet the beers gonna taste better after that. Sincerity is always sweet.
I told Weng to tell him that as a friendly advice. Anyway, they’re “occasional friends naman. :( She refused, and openly said she gave up on him along time ago, even after he first told him about the legendary wheel. Bok said that he should get that from his so called best friends, Boogaloo and Pimpee.
“But they turned him to a Mongol,” I argued. “They support and encourage his ways. They couldn’t be relied upon.”
“That’s his fault. That’s their problem. Let 'em stew in their own juices. I have better things to do. Don’t sweat, Irms.” Sabi ni Bok.
As usual, we closed down Shakey’s. We were on the road home by 12 midnight.
Thank God, I wasn’t late for work the next morning :).
I was on the phone with Maweng Gigi on a Tuesday. A pre –birthday call. She asked about my plans this Wednesday. I said I was going to be on leave for the next two days. She quickly invited me to spend tomorrow at CITEM :). I stopped coming around na raw kasi. It’s been more than 3 months since last January. MyPiayaya texted me the same when she also found out I will be on birthday leave.
I graciously declined. Ayoko na mapagusapan, pag hindi ka nakikita, hindi ka naalala ... tsaka ayaw ko na din na …
(Naintidihan naman nila.)
Sophie’s birthday gift to mom was actually a week earlier. She got me Charlie Brown and Snoopy pillow case from UK for 80 bucks :) My daughter knows I adore Chuck.
She also bought me choc’late decadence cake. I blew 4 pink candles from it.
I had a sweet time with my little girl on my 40th..
That night I treated myself with 8 bottles of San Mig lyte.
21 April 2010, Wednesday. Everybody remembered … never him. I called it a day.
My gift for moi. Finally, I went to see my OB. Honestly, it didn’t look good. The cervical exam was a painful procedure especially for me. It has been like that since I gave birth 13 years ago. I just have to pray for the results. I already texted my Christian friends for prayers. I’m being tested for malignant cells. Next week is it. I pray they're not malignant.
Friday. Last stop Quattro Bar and … that place hehe both jusz a few steps away from my office. Dinner and drink and body shots with Dognuts. May tama na kami ni Pong ng dumating si Nanat from PASADO. There was a long discussion about films. I am so excited to resume watching The Sopranos, and equally excited to watch The Reader. The holocaust is an endearing topic for me. It was God’s lesson to humanity. Just the night before our rendezvous, I was online checking sites on holocaust survivors, my daughter got curious but it was hard to explain in one sitting. I just told her how fortunate we are for not being part (either as a Jew or otherwise) of that dark side of history. And how pride and prejudice can result to genocide.
That evening was ceremonial for the three of us as we made a pact to attend the grand reunion next year. Blood compact actually (Jonathan’s blood only hahaha). This is happy news for everyone in Batch 86 especially to overseas Dognuts who are, using the words of our good friend, Arlene V. Lee, “uwing-uwi na.”
Home by 4:00 AM on a Saturday. I woke up, still lazy, and resumed Fendzter-FB migration. First 10 photos from My DelicioUs ambiguity album are now saved in FB, 87 more to come. So fast, how time flies, I don’t remember his face anymore. Thelmz said he’s no longer sporting a goatee.. Bok said he’s gained weight (his butt grew big daw hahaha --- loko talaga tong si Weng). Sabi ni Faye, he had free facial daw hehe. He’s got new shirts according to Gigi.
Hey, stranger, how are you doing?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
a redbubble original
DO you know how happy I was when I was a gypsy. Floating around this city like a foreign traveler flows through the ancient city…the city of mystery. Enchanting opportunities at every corner where some poor Serbian begger is drunk on slivovitch or some Persian is making me schwarma. What would I speak next, French…after I ordered my tarte and lit my imported cigarette? Or would I speak Arabic for 2 seconds, finishing all the only words I know and then shaking my hips to prove my knowledge. Or maybe I would meet a valet, who sits outside with a grin of gratitude as I pass and hablo mi espanol. Every one likes to hear hola!
Oh, the gypsy squirming in my belly when Amr Diab comes on the air…
Loosening up with the waves of viejo salsa come sweeping into my lips, wrapped with memories of my past latin lovers and churning the suavesito of my senses as I sip my mojito!
And oh, my groins that pawn at the site of your majestic name…you from that country afar….with promises that keep me happy at night, even though my American hand is my only friend.
tiz Gypsy….screaming the songs of solitude in this echo less city. Tat Oklahoma charm is wearing thin b/c the skin of your world is coming in!
And no other man loves me better than that big, fat, round, globe of you! You…LAND! You…language!!! You Old Woman that spits out my name into every dish of ethnicity I eat!
Comelo! Comelo! world, fuck me in my eyes so that I can see your real color! Shove dirt into my mouth so that i can digest your wisdom!
Push your songs into my ear so hard that the melody comes out on the other side! Me …. eat me, world….fill you with me!
I want to feel your trees inside my knees, so much that I bleed from the seams of corporate he’s!
Take me into your arms, as if I was your child and cradle my every muscle and fiber so that forever more I can rest knowing that you are me and I am you. Who are YOU?
Why can’t I see you!
How can you take these realistic burdens away so that no duty can block your organic play!
To run along your streets, to swim in your streams, to eat with my hands on knees.
Sunburned and cold, bartering my shirts to get them sold.
That freedom, that peace…but its so so so far from me.
Cesaria Evora sings my woes as Willy Colon taps my toes! You men, so old, who see my rubies and gold! You see me as this child, listening to you. Filling me with your stories of survival and exile. Putting life into perspective in ways I can not even imagine…but I do, imagine because of you!.
You give me a gift of a kaleidescope view of what family means, what music is, what food tastes like, my languages really is and how love is all you need.
What love really is!!!! It is a meal prepared by the most authentic and cultured hands that create this feast of flavors… arros con pollo aye que rico, foi grois avec le gout de la dieu, creole of jambalaya’s leaving tastes in my mouth for hours, chunks and chunks kibbe and korma, the sambusas of spices pushing the limits with pad se eu style!
The mambo melting into my hips and I hold you, yes YOU to salsa into the night. Warda, mother, warda of song…betweenness beek when times are rough, Betweenness beek when i want to get pumped up.
Come to me…in the breeze. Take me with you on your magic carpet, whisk me away to your land. I am yours and forever…here I stand.
Toute est bien, por que yo tengo mi mundo! Je serai alli, en shalla en shalla en shalla!
Oh, the gypsy squirming in my belly when Amr Diab comes on the air…
Loosening up with the waves of viejo salsa come sweeping into my lips, wrapped with memories of my past latin lovers and churning the suavesito of my senses as I sip my mojito!
And oh, my groins that pawn at the site of your majestic name…you from that country afar….with promises that keep me happy at night, even though my American hand is my only friend.
tiz Gypsy….screaming the songs of solitude in this echo less city. Tat Oklahoma charm is wearing thin b/c the skin of your world is coming in!
And no other man loves me better than that big, fat, round, globe of you! You…LAND! You…language!!! You Old Woman that spits out my name into every dish of ethnicity I eat!
Comelo! Comelo! world, fuck me in my eyes so that I can see your real color! Shove dirt into my mouth so that i can digest your wisdom!
Push your songs into my ear so hard that the melody comes out on the other side! Me …. eat me, world….fill you with me!
I want to feel your trees inside my knees, so much that I bleed from the seams of corporate he’s!
Take me into your arms, as if I was your child and cradle my every muscle and fiber so that forever more I can rest knowing that you are me and I am you. Who are YOU?
Why can’t I see you!
How can you take these realistic burdens away so that no duty can block your organic play!
To run along your streets, to swim in your streams, to eat with my hands on knees.
Sunburned and cold, bartering my shirts to get them sold.
That freedom, that peace…but its so so so far from me.
Cesaria Evora sings my woes as Willy Colon taps my toes! You men, so old, who see my rubies and gold! You see me as this child, listening to you. Filling me with your stories of survival and exile. Putting life into perspective in ways I can not even imagine…but I do, imagine because of you!.
You give me a gift of a kaleidescope view of what family means, what music is, what food tastes like, my languages really is and how love is all you need.
What love really is!!!! It is a meal prepared by the most authentic and cultured hands that create this feast of flavors… arros con pollo aye que rico, foi grois avec le gout de la dieu, creole of jambalaya’s leaving tastes in my mouth for hours, chunks and chunks kibbe and korma, the sambusas of spices pushing the limits with pad se eu style!
The mambo melting into my hips and I hold you, yes YOU to salsa into the night. Warda, mother, warda of song…betweenness beek when times are rough, Betweenness beek when i want to get pumped up.
Come to me…in the breeze. Take me with you on your magic carpet, whisk me away to your land. I am yours and forever…here I stand.
Toute est bien, por que yo tengo mi mundo! Je serai alli, en shalla en shalla en shalla!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Bubble Love
When I was young, all was good and happy.
As I grew, things became some kinda ... wonderful ... and fabulous ... and fantastic ... :)
Now I find myself in a bubble. My very own bubble. This is my own bubble.
Not everyone likes the fact that I am a gYpsy at heart, or that I care too much and that I am too honest and trusting to a fault. I had mood swings even before reaching middle age. So I can be your sweet pixie one moment, and a really bad, angry witch in a blink of an eye.
I was raised to be regular burger, I understand that. But even as a little girl I knew I was gonna be Big Mac :). Teehah … I changed my religion, declared independence at 23, moved in my boyfriend and got pregnant without a wedding in my head, got my education and made colors fly in school, traveled the world, did a good honest job in government for twenny years, packed my suitcase when it was time to go, survived losses of loved ones’ passing, survived heartbreaks from lovers and friends, survived crises … financial, emotional and what have you. I made it through so many storms in life, and I dunno how and why, but those moments I always feel God’s hands touching my face. I breath life the next day and still adoring afternoon rains. I wake up kissing my daughter goodbye as I head for work. I look forward on Fridays, dinner and drink with friends, I look forward for weekends, jusz me and my little girl. I want better days with GMA (I continue to talk to God about that … we’re sorta debating about it until this day) ... and true love (hey, why not, who knows one day, ayt?).
… you know there are still many many things I can’t and don’t want to do :) … like cook (but I can fancy you with my cutlery … and my linens … the scent of hot choc’late all over my kitchen) … am not good at laundry but I can squeaky clean your bath or decorate the entire house, and ohhh I am very very poor with money (when I get rich I promise to hire my kumares Jena and Gigi as my financial and investment consultants … I will give them all my dinero to manage (because I trust them so fully with all my heart) and let them give me a stipend (huge amount!) for all the things I need … and all the things I ♥) . I don’t want to go to church until fanatics start getting real with life and God (I am God’s favorite child, I can go straight to him, any time , any where). It ‘s hard to quit my vices (even if I want to) … like smoke arrgggh … say bad words (especially when I mean them) …. write (… with less honesty … what’s wrong with "honesty overdose" in the first place) ... and not compromise ( people, things, stuff I value greatly) … and this wuV (our anakish Jonah bought me a choc’late cake last Monday … the traditional blowing …I made the same old wish .. she and Wenggay jusz couldn't believe it).
I am in this bubble for 40 summers. It’s actually not complicated. It’s unique. Special.
Ama wanna tell God (something He already knows) … this bubble He gave me ... I so love it. I hope He gives me another 40 years with it :).
As I grew, things became some kinda ... wonderful ... and fabulous ... and fantastic ... :)
Now I find myself in a bubble. My very own bubble. This is my own bubble.
Not everyone likes the fact that I am a gYpsy at heart, or that I care too much and that I am too honest and trusting to a fault. I had mood swings even before reaching middle age. So I can be your sweet pixie one moment, and a really bad, angry witch in a blink of an eye.
I was raised to be regular burger, I understand that. But even as a little girl I knew I was gonna be Big Mac :). Teehah … I changed my religion, declared independence at 23, moved in my boyfriend and got pregnant without a wedding in my head, got my education and made colors fly in school, traveled the world, did a good honest job in government for twenny years, packed my suitcase when it was time to go, survived losses of loved ones’ passing, survived heartbreaks from lovers and friends, survived crises … financial, emotional and what have you. I made it through so many storms in life, and I dunno how and why, but those moments I always feel God’s hands touching my face. I breath life the next day and still adoring afternoon rains. I wake up kissing my daughter goodbye as I head for work. I look forward on Fridays, dinner and drink with friends, I look forward for weekends, jusz me and my little girl. I want better days with GMA (I continue to talk to God about that … we’re sorta debating about it until this day) ... and true love (hey, why not, who knows one day, ayt?).
… you know there are still many many things I can’t and don’t want to do :) … like cook (but I can fancy you with my cutlery … and my linens … the scent of hot choc’late all over my kitchen) … am not good at laundry but I can squeaky clean your bath or decorate the entire house, and ohhh I am very very poor with money (when I get rich I promise to hire my kumares Jena and Gigi as my financial and investment consultants … I will give them all my dinero to manage (because I trust them so fully with all my heart) and let them give me a stipend (huge amount!) for all the things I need … and all the things I ♥) . I don’t want to go to church until fanatics start getting real with life and God (I am God’s favorite child, I can go straight to him, any time , any where). It ‘s hard to quit my vices (even if I want to) … like smoke arrgggh … say bad words (especially when I mean them) …. write (… with less honesty … what’s wrong with "honesty overdose" in the first place) ... and not compromise ( people, things, stuff I value greatly) … and this wuV (our anakish Jonah bought me a choc’late cake last Monday … the traditional blowing …I made the same old wish .. she and Wenggay jusz couldn't believe it).
I am in this bubble for 40 summers. It’s actually not complicated. It’s unique. Special.
Ama wanna tell God (something He already knows) … this bubble He gave me ... I so love it. I hope He gives me another 40 years with it :).
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
the scent of a woman closing 40
i was online with Nanat early this week. and he was really nice and sweet and encouraging sharing with me his personal experience on his rite of passage last year when he turned 40 (he will be 41 next month, also a true-blooded May born Toro). Time to roll, and roar, and start anew. So there, putting his lover in his place! Clap clap clap naman for Nanat. So the first year after 40 ... was rampa moments. Catching up for the lost times ... errr .... some wasted times with lover (who is now neatly tucked in his rightful place harhar). If you know the story, you really have to give full credits to my good friend, Jonathan.
So now let's see how am gonna fare with mine :)
I was planning to becoming a witch this week. Last night and this morning ... I just did.
I was born with a microscopic patience. My buffer stock is just two teaspoons full. The last two years was a lesson on patience. So please, am still in foul mood ... so you have to agree that I have patiently given this a try. I was sticking with it ... to prove a point ... to be able to share ... and learn at the same time. Today, I was a bad, angry witch. I said my piece like I always do. I am not apologetic. I stand firm. I don't sell out, honey.
I opened the can of worms and spilled the decaying beans!
The other one, was the falling out. One thing recent experiences taught me was to never ever put up with crap. You give only what you get. Shabby treatment deserves fucking shabbier treatment! For the lies deserve all the world's dishonesty. Tupperware is it... it's good quality plastic anyway.
So what's the redeeming factor for the day ... i was on the phone with Bok Wenggay this afternoon, we ended up rolling in our bellies ..."what's too painful to capture, nga ba Bok?"
So what else pa? ... just before last night ... I got up at 7 AM ... went to bed again ... and dreamed. For the first time, it was really something new ... it was so unbelievable ... it was so good that i forgot about the details. i wanted to go back and dream it all over again ... but it was so good ... it can happen only once.
What do you know ... my baby Marky was nice to me. He was smiling at me. And was helping me out with some chores (whatever those chores were, demmet I don't remember). Baby Danes in that morning REM was unbelievably nice to me. For once he was nice to me, and sweet, and caring. Even if it was just a dream i couldn't even relive. Danes was nice to me wow, I was floating in soft pink clouds. It was so heaven.
... but that happened in the morning ... only afternoon dreams can come true, as they say. it was a dream so beautiful ... but it happened not even before I gargled, and brushed my teeth. I have not even taken a shower yet.
It was just a dream. It wasn't for real. Dreams don't come true. Especially dreams like that. Early morning dreams.
But at least he was nice and caring and sweet. For once. I can live with that.
A good prelude, ei :)
So now let's see how am gonna fare with mine :)
I was planning to becoming a witch this week. Last night and this morning ... I just did.
I was born with a microscopic patience. My buffer stock is just two teaspoons full. The last two years was a lesson on patience. So please, am still in foul mood ... so you have to agree that I have patiently given this a try. I was sticking with it ... to prove a point ... to be able to share ... and learn at the same time. Today, I was a bad, angry witch. I said my piece like I always do. I am not apologetic. I stand firm. I don't sell out, honey.
I opened the can of worms and spilled the decaying beans!
The other one, was the falling out. One thing recent experiences taught me was to never ever put up with crap. You give only what you get. Shabby treatment deserves fucking shabbier treatment! For the lies deserve all the world's dishonesty. Tupperware is it... it's good quality plastic anyway.
So what's the redeeming factor for the day ... i was on the phone with Bok Wenggay this afternoon, we ended up rolling in our bellies ..."what's too painful to capture, nga ba Bok?"
So what else pa? ... just before last night ... I got up at 7 AM ... went to bed again ... and dreamed. For the first time, it was really something new ... it was so unbelievable ... it was so good that i forgot about the details. i wanted to go back and dream it all over again ... but it was so good ... it can happen only once.
What do you know ... my baby Marky was nice to me. He was smiling at me. And was helping me out with some chores (whatever those chores were, demmet I don't remember). Baby Danes in that morning REM was unbelievably nice to me. For once he was nice to me, and sweet, and caring. Even if it was just a dream i couldn't even relive. Danes was nice to me wow, I was floating in soft pink clouds. It was so heaven.
... but that happened in the morning ... only afternoon dreams can come true, as they say. it was a dream so beautiful ... but it happened not even before I gargled, and brushed my teeth. I have not even taken a shower yet.
It was just a dream. It wasn't for real. Dreams don't come true. Especially dreams like that. Early morning dreams.
But at least he was nice and caring and sweet. For once. I can live with that.
A good prelude, ei :)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
a little nostalgia, and Indie OD
Me to Dognuts ... remember this? ... we watched this kina Arlene sa Fendler :) ... medyo dyahe kasi andun pa lolo and lola and tita of Arlene :). So there, some 25 years later, I named my girl after that adorable teenage French actress, Sophie Marceau. Hummm jusz getting a bit sentimental, and a little vintage. Tamang magpo-40 lang ;)
so I wanted more reminiscin … how about a different ending for Blain-Andie-and Duckie … the novel offered a different twist … I swear to grab a copy of the book and the film , they must be there somewhere collecting dust and cobwebs … just curious on the other side of possibility. This is what I miss about Beijing … the variety, and availability of rarity. Sana naman may mag Beijing ... sana naman.
My favorite lines, as usual, are the ones that sounded like … hummm what are those … teardrops?
Again, again, I was sleeping the whole time Friday. Thank God for creating holidays! The day after the Launch, I deserve all the time away from work.
I had a disturbing after lunch REM. Nope, I didn’t wake up teary-eyed. I woke up sobbing. I saw it breaking down before my very eyes. No way it could be put together again. What we had. And largely, it was my fault. I broke it. Those tears were all about that.
That dream was a quick brush with my conscience.
This song crossed my mind twice this week. I dunno why. May be it was all about that. The song, the dream. I remember the good times. I thank God for the good times.
One time I thought I heard that this was playing. "... that used to be our song," i whispered to myself.
This weekend was a buffet of international festival films ... Sundance, Palm Springs. Prayers for Bobby made me cry, but Mediterranean Food was spicy hot … “every couple is different … and It will be Monday" ;-) … I’m always a big fan of European films, there’s something about them … French and Spanish especially. I super adore European setting. I was in Europe only once in my life, I fell in love with it the first time I was there. It really felt like the movies. Not to mention I was flying Lufthansa :)
And Bobby … there again the hypocrisy of religiosity. The greatness of parental love getting over-powered by ignorance. I’m a modern day open-minded mother, it was easy for me explaining the intricacies of homosexuality, deviant behavior, and social norms of Prayers for Bobby … but it was such a relief that Sophie was at the sala watching PBB while I got really engrossed with Dieta Mediterranea. Too much sex is a bit awkward to justify especially when the adult kinda agrees with it hahaha whewwww that was a challenge ... my daughter and I we were just a wall and a door apart.
Earlier today, I missed my OB again ... so may be next week, on a Friday may be. My internist was there so I rolled. I needed some tests, you know the usual routine tests, for my bone spur. He gave me 2 months prescription for my neuropathic whatever. All before this, Sophie and I were watching Adam ... i fell asleep ... and this song woke me up ...
I got really busy this week so very little time to go online and talk to friends. Each time I open my FB, I get a handful of really sweet messages from old friends. They smell it in their air. Their gypsy friend will be 40 soon. Bok nd Gigi urging me to free my time for a swimming party.
I got a surprise message from my grade school friend, Heids. We were schoolmates, classmates, seatmates … even when she’s B as in Bundang and me V as in Vanta, we always managed to put our seats close to each other. She said she kinda stop being juvenile.I dunno if that was meant to be good or bad. But I told her in all honesty … that I am a 40-year old juvenile delinquent hahaha. My life fascinates her … my life’s a cheesecake … it leave’s an aftertaste always ;-)
I get to see her updates. She’s got two lovely, really smart girls. Well, Heids and Joel were always part of the top brass in school so what do you expect.
Speaking of little girls, Sophie’s doing some writings lately. I kinda like that. That’s a good sign. She actually made me read her work. It was a very honest work. Good job! Good job!
This week, too, we got our last shot for cervical cancer vaccine. We had one expensive lunch just across our office, and went straight to SMX for ingress. Very rare I take her to work but she wanted to see some artistas during rehearsals. Good thing they were late. Showbiz people are not the ideal kind of people for kids who look up to role models and who are kinda still trap in hero worshipping.
Finally it’s over. GMA Trade Launch … my 2nd. That was absolutely PATHETIC! The only best thing that happened was Myk’s and Faye’s successful gatecrashing hahahah c/o me … and a little catching up with the very ngarag Nettchii at the backstage and at MOA’s Pier 1 … at 2:00 AM in then morning whewww
Parang graduation lang ni Sophie hahahah …. And me the usual stage mom taking pictures of Mykee and MyFayeFaye with their choiced Kapuso stars hhahaha Gosh, pahiya hiya pa ganun din naman … hanggang backstage susme. Myk’s heart getting so divided and envious of Nettchii doing production work. Magwayen blood flowing in his veins. Showbiz is his dream job.
This will make him famous. A photo spread at FB. Faye is so kulit and eggcited na to see all the pics from that night. Kaloka! Pati Panday Kids hindi pinatawad hahah. Mike Enriquez, too. At si Jewel Mishe … my God … at si Zsa Zsa Padilla … my God talaga walang kupas ang katangahan ko sa artistang Pinoy. I am really a misfit in this job hahaha
And how about that nice guy with the pink lips …basta now, I am a certified Jay R fun, lucky girl that Krissa Mae huh. Amboys are hot guys … hummm Kris Lawrence! (so now, I must admit missing that Amboy dude from NYC :( ... )
CITEM friends when they learned I was just nearby hahahah just started to make plans. Ingress get aways and drop-offs. Gigi offered CITEM for my quick shower hahah sabi ko nga, we’re staying at Networld, just across CITEM, hindi ko nga pinuntahan man lang ang Networld … I declined nicely my friend’s invitation. What for?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
KISZ KISZ THE FROG
The story went, you kisz a toad and get a prince.
So how many toads do I have to kisz? And Who sez I wanted a prince.? Who cares about a prince. What’s wrong with a toad. I can take a toad even when he’s green, hard, loud and slimy. Kermit is so nice and cuddly. Mr. Jeremy Fisher with all his misadventures, is now a legacy. Yes they are never famous for being handsome. A face full of warts, a little facial ;) could help, who knows. Their low baritone voice sometimes scary, too. Edgy, always seXy for me.
... gee, he remained a toad ... in fact, the harder i kisz, the toader he becomes arrrgggg
And no matter how much Nanat wants to hang the toad by the neck ... this toad will always remain my most favorite toad in this whole wide world.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
.. i grew tired and lonely, that was why
i was tinkering with my phone
erasing messages and images
updating my contacts
unlocking my lock features
... i was getting lousy lazy in bed ... wasting time ...
it was the last entry I was gazing on
i fell asleep and left it open
i rolled over and the "call' button was pressed
and there the silliest, freakiest accident
i think it was 3 o'clock in the morning.
(MORALS OF THE STORY: no tinkering of phones when sleepy better yet don't sleep with your phone. always always keep the lock features, that keeps it safe, that keeps you sane. for heaven's sake ... delete Charlie Brown from your contacts!)
... fuck me baby ... am so so so stupiddddddddddd! I so hate myself today.
erasing messages and images
updating my contacts
unlocking my lock features
... i was getting lousy lazy in bed ... wasting time ...
it was the last entry I was gazing on
i fell asleep and left it open
i rolled over and the "call' button was pressed
and there the silliest, freakiest accident
i think it was 3 o'clock in the morning.
(MORALS OF THE STORY: no tinkering of phones when sleepy better yet don't sleep with your phone. always always keep the lock features, that keeps it safe, that keeps you sane. for heaven's sake ... delete Charlie Brown from your contacts!)
... fuck me baby ... am so so so stupiddddddddddd! I so hate myself today.
God sez
Four days of blissful rest. Alone yes, missing my girl, yes ... but that was one fine getaway. T'was a good time to scrub walls, re-arrange my knick knacks in my kitchen, dining and bath. Always finding a comfy place for everything. Rubber duckies back, the little fairy fountain, too. Friendship is always great even online. We're getting adjusted to it. In fact we're so loving it. :) A little shopping, a little work online, I deserve a bottle of wine. Quiet time.
A recap of my Wednesday.
I was expecting a half day. I was planning a quick run to Korben's Place. Salivating on a Choc'late Kisz ;-). There you go ~~~ my whole afternoon got stuck at SMX. Trade Party is next week so ... well part of the job, what can I say. Good that she declined. Her hands loaded with kids. Lemme check my calendar for that Choco kisz some time huh.
They said traffic was bad. I couldn't catch a decent ride. Bok was already texting me for my whereabouts. I grabbed a cheap pair of flip flops, my feet's been killing me. My ol' brown wedge was such a criminal! I assured her I was on my way. I got there at Blackberry a little over past nine.
I was tired. But I was excited. Two pecks each. I handed Pendong benz. She loved it!
That night, same songs. All out of tune this time. I forgot my bikini har har ... but I got my camera. That was their night ... with jusz a little bit of me ;-). They were the celebrants, I was official photographer. Cheers to their 3rd anniversary, Bok and Pareng Allan ... fuck the moon, fuck the moon!
Bok and Allan's 3rd anni
11 photos
Cheers to the good life!
Location: Capt' Ferrer's @ Blackberry, Meadowwoods ;)
Created April 2
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Home by 7 AM. I spent the whole day, on my bed, sleeping. :) Indeed, a Holy Thursday. I was sleeping the whole time ... I took a bath only once, can you believe that? And it's summertime, and everyone's freakin' sweaty.
Good Friday was lovely. My quiet time. The best time for reflection was when, as they claimed, God died. A flashback of all things beautiful. Simple, not expensive, but truly sincerely wonderful. I wrote about it that day, Good Friday, when God was dead, so they say. So the few times I was awake ... I did spend wisely. After Quiet Time, first, I got me migrating my remaining albums from Friendster to Facebook. piXietales there complete. butterlies, too. lovelace™. a bit of "jusz us", i didn't know what title to give. since there was really no us. never us. i jusz thought of 2 as a beautiful number. :) Second, I got myself planning a new blog. peggy jean once. but she did exist. li'l red many times. never existed. but lived. i wanted to give a tribute to her ... and to all those who never existed but lived. soon. here. red.
In between reflections, migrations and shades of red ... this PC crashed. And rose from the ashes that same Friday. God loves me so much period. :)
So since I was lazy for two days. Great Sabbath went hectic with some early mishaps. What the ... how could I missed my OB, I was planning about this the whole time, hell, I didn't know I was gonna have my period early Saturday morning. My body clock was all set to wake up at 7 am, it did. Then there ... my stains all over my sheets, shit shit! Not a good time for a Papanicola test :( ... Jena's gonna nag me for this again. Jen my nosy, demanding friend. I was so down, I decided to go a little shopping ... and went a little over board. I spent all my pay check. I didn't want to feel sorry anymore, I just have to continue adoring, for an extended period of time, all the things I splurged on this Great Sabbath day. All because I missed my OB Gyne, and my period coming in to early. Lord, forgive me. I know not what I do. You are My Jehovah Jireh. Always My Jehovah. My Jehovah Jireh.
***
A queen in Welsh mythology. An old Welsh witch to some myth. (So now it depends how you look at it. And the weight you give it.)
"Once in a million years,
a lady like her rises.
' ' you cry but she's gone,
and your life knows no answer,
and your life knows no answer.
Me ... I am Difficult. I admit. I confess. God, please burn me to hell. I'm sorry. (who want's to be difficult anyway?)
Some things aint easy.
God, I was never easy. Why so?
"Somebody has to earn you.
And Deserve you.
The Never Easy.
Always Difficult
Beautiful
You,"
God sez.
... ahuh ...
so i asked a question ... am waiting for an answer ...
A recap of my Wednesday.
I was expecting a half day. I was planning a quick run to Korben's Place. Salivating on a Choc'late Kisz ;-). There you go ~~~ my whole afternoon got stuck at SMX. Trade Party is next week so ... well part of the job, what can I say. Good that she declined. Her hands loaded with kids. Lemme check my calendar for that Choco kisz some time huh.
They said traffic was bad. I couldn't catch a decent ride. Bok was already texting me for my whereabouts. I grabbed a cheap pair of flip flops, my feet's been killing me. My ol' brown wedge was such a criminal! I assured her I was on my way. I got there at Blackberry a little over past nine.
I was tired. But I was excited. Two pecks each. I handed Pendong benz. She loved it!
That night, same songs. All out of tune this time. I forgot my bikini har har ... but I got my camera. That was their night ... with jusz a little bit of me ;-). They were the celebrants, I was official photographer. Cheers to their 3rd anniversary, Bok and Pareng Allan ... fuck the moon, fuck the moon!
Bok and Allan's 3rd anni
11 photos
Cheers to the good life!
Location: Capt' Ferrer's @ Blackberry, Meadowwoods ;)
Created April 2
Edit Album|View Album|Delete Album
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=19776&id=100000099992542&l=f40b19b825
Home by 7 AM. I spent the whole day, on my bed, sleeping. :) Indeed, a Holy Thursday. I was sleeping the whole time ... I took a bath only once, can you believe that? And it's summertime, and everyone's freakin' sweaty.
Good Friday was lovely. My quiet time. The best time for reflection was when, as they claimed, God died. A flashback of all things beautiful. Simple, not expensive, but truly sincerely wonderful. I wrote about it that day, Good Friday, when God was dead, so they say. So the few times I was awake ... I did spend wisely. After Quiet Time, first, I got me migrating my remaining albums from Friendster to Facebook. piXietales there complete. butterlies, too. lovelace™. a bit of "jusz us", i didn't know what title to give. since there was really no us. never us. i jusz thought of 2 as a beautiful number. :) Second, I got myself planning a new blog. peggy jean once. but she did exist. li'l red many times. never existed. but lived. i wanted to give a tribute to her ... and to all those who never existed but lived. soon. here. red.
In between reflections, migrations and shades of red ... this PC crashed. And rose from the ashes that same Friday. God loves me so much period. :)
So since I was lazy for two days. Great Sabbath went hectic with some early mishaps. What the ... how could I missed my OB, I was planning about this the whole time, hell, I didn't know I was gonna have my period early Saturday morning. My body clock was all set to wake up at 7 am, it did. Then there ... my stains all over my sheets, shit shit! Not a good time for a Papanicola test :( ... Jena's gonna nag me for this again. Jen my nosy, demanding friend. I was so down, I decided to go a little shopping ... and went a little over board. I spent all my pay check. I didn't want to feel sorry anymore, I just have to continue adoring, for an extended period of time, all the things I splurged on this Great Sabbath day. All because I missed my OB Gyne, and my period coming in to early. Lord, forgive me. I know not what I do. You are My Jehovah Jireh. Always My Jehovah. My Jehovah Jireh.
***
A queen in Welsh mythology. An old Welsh witch to some myth. (So now it depends how you look at it. And the weight you give it.)
"Once in a million years,
a lady like her rises.
' ' you cry but she's gone,
and your life knows no answer,
and your life knows no answer.
Me ... I am Difficult. I admit. I confess. God, please burn me to hell. I'm sorry. (who want's to be difficult anyway?)
Some things aint easy.
God, I was never easy. Why so?
"Somebody has to earn you.
And Deserve you.
The Never Easy.
Always Difficult
Beautiful
You,"
God sez.
... ahuh ...
so i asked a question ... am waiting for an answer ...
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thank God It's (Good) Friday, coffee anyone?
When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with diamonds.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the diamonds.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life...
The diamonds are the important things - family, children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions.
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the diamonds.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the diamonds first ---The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
***
The Diamonds In My Life ...
my lovely daughter Sophie for the day to day inspiration
her father for helping me put our daughter through
my family for being my last few aces ... and to whom I owe that gray matter between my ears, and that big big heart beneath my sternum :)
all my friends from childhood and adult years for splashing all the colors in my life
God ... no matter how unconventional our relationship is ... He carries me throughout my voyage
my journal, my poetry, my books, and all the beautiful things that surround me
for the really very personal joy they give me
memories of Mama, my grandparents, an 'ol lover and friends who went ahead for simply completing my life
... and Me, Me, Me... for all the things I love and hate about myself ... I am a unique creation of God. This is the only me. There was no Irma before me. And never will be another one after me.
The Significant Pebbles ...
my job and a few investments ... for keeping me and Sophie, and making me a little capable help to family and friends who need me from time to time
my lovely house ... of course the roof above our heads ... and being my own little canvas for all the beautiful things I own that are signature Irma, like tat little couch, the scented candles, fairies and all the little people, tat antique sungkaan and big framed mirror, all those chimes, Mom's framed cross stitch works, mah blingblingz, all the lovely stuff i got from Papemel, my pillows, all my wine glasses from Dennis and Wenggay, my odd and colorful plates, a set of pink cutlery, my growing titles of my favorite films and books, my airconditioned room :), my ol' desktop and broadband, my ITouch and wide genre of playlist, my first digital camera in violet, my Tinkerbell watch, my bags and wedges, Mr. Snowman, Mr. Charlie Brown, my purple shower and my rubber duckies, Sophie's photo albums and her baby books where I kept her baby hair from her first hair cut, all her milk teeth, her handprints, her first set of toothbrush and tongue cleaner, her toys, her own library (even when she's not really fond of reading arrggghhh), her Precious Moments bible in lilac, Mama's stuff neatly tucked ...
my househelp :) ... for looking after Sophie when am not around, cooking for us, and providing always an extra hand.
... and the Sand ... come to think of it ... my life's been so full and uniquely wonderful, I don't even remember them ... I jusz walk on 'em. And there my footprints so lovely as He carries me in His arms ... as the tide sweeps them away for a new set of imprints as I make them now.
The sand on our feet how easily they can be wiped away. No sweat.
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