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About Me

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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

the fault in our stars

I lit a fire with the love you left behind
I followed your ashes into outer space
'make me wonder where you are 
Up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, 
I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars.


This goes to someone who owns that spot in my heart.
Even if he totally forgets.
Even if he never really cared.
Never loved me.
What I have for him is real.

You will always be my Honey.
Joel Ilagan.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

A sick woman's musings :)



Cheers to my dear CITEM!!! I am a proud alumna! As I always say, what I am today as a topnotch ;) Marketing and events professional ... I owe to my 15 years of training under CITEM ... certainly under the solid (sometimes painful LOL) mentorship of AMP, ACD, LAM, JBG, RTK, Chatz,  that healthy coopetition with my peers, my trooper ITSED family, and the lifelong friendships I made ... having said that ... of course you know i'm a sweet bitch LOL ... it's a little sad that until this day, I carry in my heart that same lingering prayer ... it's been a drought since AMP ... resurrection badly needed … I pray for what a "topnotch" organization like CITEM deserves … good leadership. Amen

I've been sick for close to a week now.  They say, you get a little touchy, nostalgic, emotional, melancholic during these times.  Also because My dear CITEM celebrated its 30th anniversary ... so I was there ... sight seeing for some familiar, seemingly happy ... faces.  I posted a little something in Facebook, a few hours before I finally made up my mind, firming up plans with one of my all time favorite girls, Phia Lorraine ;)... not for anything else but i did really want to make sure that I was feeling a little better before I decide to do something drastic like parteeeeiii all night ... somehow I had that bad feeling this condition was going to be a bit prolonged than usual.  And I can't afford to be away from the office that much.  So there a day after Valentines, my anakish Jhona coming home from her Tokyo trip ... ol' ITSED sortee ... my only available day ... Friday :) ... their mom eggxited alredy.

His first formal interview went well.  What can I say, he wasn't class valedictorian for nothing :) ... along with Jeffie, he's always in my prayers ... I can see how sensitive his present condition is ... I prayed relentlessly for our friend Ronnie ... I've got that prayer answered.   Our Sea Princess now on board ;).

A cancer veteran, he lost another cousin very recently ... my good friend Jonathan a bit tensed about that lump resting on that lower right shoulder ... mine.  I made him a promise ... Id go get see my doctor this Saturday.

My favorite line that Friday night ... "You hold on to anything that will put you together." :)

Dreamt fo you.  And how it felt so real.   Tomorrow when I take the bus again for work ... i run them in my head again .... my practice lines.

So here I am ... trying my best to move on.  I'd like to believe I did.  Or pretend I was really trying.


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