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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Irma luvs Arnold

  • January 20, 2014
  • Arnold Felias
    AF


    Psst. I just saw Rosellyn and another guy sending love messages to each other. wtf, did I miss somethin?
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    Anu ba did u not know hayyy she met this brit in hawaii fell in love etc ec and her marriage falling part so theyre geting a divorce
  • Arnold Felias
    AF


    far out. he called her 'my wife'. which would mean they are married? teena naman, anbilis.
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    Nalilito na din ako sa mundo bakit sa iba mabilis posible ba yun. She said b4 theyll get divorce when daughter is 18 that was d agreement with 1st husband. Tapos bigla nakita ko ganyan na din.
  • January 20, 2014
  • Arnold Felias
    AF


    I had to read this message again. I got so confused the first time, it gave me a headache. You either hate each other's guts that you divorce or you're in to each other and stay married.
  • January 20, 2014
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    well i guess we all know that it was fallng apart di ba Greg coming into the picture and sempre side lang rosellyn alam natin

    we dont know din naman kung ano mga extra curricular nung guy

    we dont know what goes on between 2 people in a marriage really so hirap mag judge

    but arns cmon, people stay in a marriage for different reasons, love is just one of them.

    sarap i blog nito
  • January 21, 2014
  • Arnold Felias
    AF


    you're right. I just find it hard to believe that they'd be in bed one night and one of them would say 'ok, we can get a divorce when our daughter turns 18'. teena naman, what kind of a life is that. you'd go home after a long day at work and the person at home is someone you know would like to divorce you. 'cuts like a knife' parang 80's song.
  • Arnold Felias
    AF


    I remember what 'Jepoy' said when he was still here. he said 'I think she only married him for his money.

    maybe Jepoy was right after all.

    as you said, we can't judge people.

    I don't think there is a perfect marriage. If there are no fights, people might get bored. I think make up sex is great.
  • Janaury 28, 2015
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    gosh ... di na ako naka comment sa "make up sex" lol this was january 2014 pa ... a year ago! damn im so insensitive

    well you my friend made me come back here, today ...

    i got your message in sophie's inbox ,,, and sempre hindi ako makasagot ... so there ... i have to reply to you here my friend ...

    and my reply is, pastilan! i am effin hopeless nut case! bahala na ...
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta

    thanks for the messages ... i miss you more like everyone else, our besties most especially.
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta

    ok ... moving forward ... about make up sex, 12 months too late lol ... sex whatever time of the day is vavavoom! ...
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    teene makasalita ako parang nakikipag sex pa ako ahahaha PASTILAN!
  • Irma Vanta-Merza
    Irma Vanta


    when you get this message. most likely im back in my hiatus ... most likely this will appear as an offline message or something ... dunno but you can still read it naman even when im not here anymore (again) ...

    you can still send "safe" general patronage messages sa account ni sophie ... ill find my way to reply to everyone ... jomat and i we viber, arlene and i, tango. tayo ganito or you can always welcome to read my blog you know where it is ...

    gotta go arns ... and come home soon

    ... parting shots ... … nobody moves on my dear friend … life just goes on ...

    wag ka na kumontra, may consensus na kami ni jomat dyan lol

    love you always Arnie ... stay happy

∞ ∞ ∞

Some points to ponder

1)  For God's sake of course we all know this perfectly well ... two people stay in a marriage for many different reasons ...(and excuses).  Love, possibly.  :) 

Top of the head, here are my two cents worth ... consenting adults stay married  for a variety of justifications, to wit:

-  social conformity (religion included ... a friend swore that she'd rather get into affairs why not but she will never file a divorce from her irresponsible, philandering extravagant husband because they're sagrado INC)
-  protecting a family name - putting weight on image more than honor.  False honor, blind loyalty very common amongst Filipino families. 
-  Marriage as a NEED.  Society dictates that people settle down at a certain point in their lives.   Most of the time we marry the person a) we feel obligated to  b) for convenience c)  currently in our lives.
-  The children.  Decisions get divided  because of the children, must say younger children/children with special needs are the most convenient and accessible.  We all know that as we grow old in a marriage, little ones, they grow old, too, and eventually, they leave us to pursue a life, find their own happiness, and so we are left, senile and unable to rationalize the choices we made at the time we made them.  Trying to convince our torn and worn selves that may be somehow we used the right motivation.  My daughter is 18 soon, and I'm already putting together my revalida.  :)
-  this my safe place.  i cannot go wishing and wanting for second chances without breaking my heart and hurting myself.   now you know, why I stayed, and kept to myself. 

The decision to marry or stay married is all about expectations.  Hopefully love is part of that.  Usually it is.  We all started with love.  How far love goes/went is/was another story. 

2)  Rosellyn is just a number

Dunno.  But i have this feeling. I checked on her 2 Fbs and i couldn't help but worry.  I actually could ask his brother.  Rolyn and I are connected in google+ ... but honestly ... actually ... do i really want to know?  I'm so cynical about all these that I don't need anyone's sob stories at this point in my life.  I don't want to know that she broke her heart after betting on her "another" second chance.   Much that I don't want to hear that she went running back to her a sad, cold and lonely marriage and dark days just started again in mid life.

But I'd be of proud of her for pushing it forward.  The courage to leave a marriage gone sour, and fall in love crazy again like when we were twennies.  Ain't she bold nuff to do both.  The two things many of us are scared of.  I'd give her 5 gold stars for that.

But if she was reckless and sissy  ... am takin' em back and she owes me 10 more for that.  Oh, please I can't forgive her for breaking her heart.  Old folks' hearts are like vintage China and there's a big bad wild bull on rampage --- we can't live the rest of lives and die with a broken heart.  No way!  That's  ruthless fate!  Fuck destiny!
                    

3)   The BIG conflict


She was praying for me.  I didn't ask anymore who she was rooting for. :)   My turn's done. This is not about me anymore.


I have a very specific prayer for her.  Our friend deserves a good man.  Mike or not Mike.  Pero sana hindi na lang si Mike.  That specific.   ..................... loloudly  

From a far, it seems like I'm contradicting myself.  I'm jaded, mate!  Remember, that time, my leap of faith ....  I plunged and took the risk.  I sold out.  I traded all my aces.  I had my time with love, I've thought crazy, and was committed to execute all those crazy thoughts.  Remember, we were talking about me coming to Sydney, where it could be easier to get a US Visa, and jump ship to America.  It's now part of my checkered past.  Nice try huh.  I think I deserve a little credit for trying, don't you think.   At least hopefully when  I get to be 80 years old, and an all used up woman :) ... I look back at the time I was 41 years old, I can say, I honestly did try one last time.        

I have high hopes for all my friends.  I am harder to myself.  Also, because I know my old records too well.  I can't.  I can't anymore keep on stitching myself back.     It's getting gross as you age you know.  Hindi na cute.   :)        
                 
Love left her with only one bad record.  That was all in her scoreboard :)  Her last attempt with love was in our early 20s, and she married him even arrgghhh ... and now fate's laid it all down, who knows, she's got another crack at love. 

I am optimistic with Jomat, she's got better chances.       
                                    
I am cruel to  myself I know.  I deserve it, and a punch to my face, too .lol  


4)  ... this, too, shall pass.

… nobody moves on … life just goes on. And one day, it will be over. We bring everything. All that the world couldn’t touch, all that not even the heavens could heal - carnal desires, fears, doubts, failures, anger, hurts, bitter memories, bad dreams, burdened conscience, unforgiveable sins, promises not meant, old wounds, broken hearts, unrequitted love, all the venoms of our lifetime, buried with us, in cold, lonely, forgotten graves.


... and thank you for all the lovin' mate!!!   (despite of the-messed-up me ... I'm your all time favorite NUT CASE!)


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