I like to remember things my own way. how i remembered them, not necessarily the way they happened.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. My DeLicioUs ambiguity.
I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.
I wasn't singing this when I was twenny three. I was too young, I didn't know the world ... I was jusz explorin' it.
Seventeen years after ... when I have tried everything ... God tell me, is it wrong to search?
Scarcely I did. Reluctantly I did. I wasn't even aware that I did.
I searched and I was wrong, and wronged ...
So after then, I chose to be steady ...
So may be then ... that time ... I was dressed with cotton and thread ...
... and so a few years back, I wanted something more ... of this life ... of myself ...
... and so even when I was mistaken ... i do still crave ...
... this gYpsy life, this fairy tale, black or white to find ...
... Real. I jusz thought, and hoped, that Baby, it was you. With you.
"Aren't I lovely And do you want me cause I am hungry for something that will make me real Can you see me and Do you love me cause I am desperately searching for something Real."
... some 4 years ago I got this in my email ... I took it as a "NO!". No misinterpretations. He was right, and as wise as Mr. Coelho.
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
...a few hours ago, reading A Little Tale from Nino, posted August last year at paulocoelhoblog.com, classified under The Most Beautiful Story :)
Once upon a time all human senses gathered together. Madness said: let’s play hide and seek… and they started playing it. The truth did not hide saying they will find me anyway, The Lie hid on the rainbow, The Reality hid in the ocean, The Laziness hid in the closest place, The Freedom hid upon the breeze, The Kindness was letting the places to others for a long time, the Faith hid in the sky, all the places were the love went were engaged…soon it found a beautiful rose bush and hid there.
The madness started seeking the hidden senses, it found all of them except The Love… soon it moved aside the rose bush and heard a scream…It seemed that Love had cut its eyes out on thorns and gone blind.
Since then the Madness is carrying the blind love hand-in-hand.
But to make a life more meaningful, isn’t it wonderful , to sometimes create, and sometimes to destruct. To shuffle, put color, play, insist, resist, question, debate, argue, explore, expound.
Acceptance is convenience. Intolerance is inconvenient, uncomfortable. But don’t we learn each time we bleed. We appreciate the blood we lose, only when we bleed.
When I was a little girl, I was a lovely, smart kid. I was trained to take a path. As I always say, when everyone else wanted me to become a regular burger, even minus the cheese, unconsciously when I was young, and consciously when I was growing up, I am certain, I want, and I am Big Mac.
Perfecting the art of obedience and defiance.
My God has given unto my hands the power to make careful, intelligent, conscientious choices … and reason with destiny.
While I do sometimes, miscalculate risks … as a rule, I perfectly understand, this life I live now, and the only one I have, definitely, certainly, absolutely is not a deck of silly cards.
(... then God sez I have better, bigger plans ... lemme deal with this child.)
(i tried to defy it 4 years ago, so then, 2 years after and beyong ... that was me, this is me ... pledging obedience.)
It was going down. May be a movie can do. Milan with Dennis was like 6 years ago. Many things in between. Radical changes. Of lives, and hearts. And the movies, too.
It’s digital. It’s one time screening. It’s 250 bucks with free hotdogs and pizza. My first 3D. The scent of childhood. Leaving and moving on. Me, Soph and Toy Story 3.
“Saying goodbye ain’t easy. Not having said it is haunting.”
This gYpsy’s back at the movies.
Thank God It’s Friday!
A little break from work. It was a hard squeeze. But coming home a little early on a Friday, miszin’ ol’ friends and a bunch of mah ol’ crew very ohhhh soooo persistent for meet-ups … it’s very tempting. My resistance was kinda low that evening :)
First stop, me and Jen with the kids, jusz a few blocks away from their place, she treated me for dinner @ Jollibee :) We went home quick for a really good chit-chat, we got interrupted from time to time, makulit si Mau, mas makulit si Faye, sumali pa si Mon. We downed a few bottles, Benj and I … I smelled blood again … I packed my things and went … to
… my second stop … Pier 1 @ MOA. Me, Nettchii, Mykee, Fayie and Monchito. Two buckets and I must say, that night belong to Mon Bruan ehehe. Na shock man si Nettchai, in denial pa din si Fayie, ako naman, when you’re 40 you get used to revelations. You get shocked, and get over it :)
Cheers to Mon … and a really happy, fulfilling life!
I was home almost 6 in the morning. Two hours of sleep. I was off for work. Passed by Sikatuna and dropped off that little travel luggage I am lending to Benj for his 2-week business trip in Australia. A luggage of memories :) My Tita gave it to me during my last visit to Oregon 4 years ago. Four years ago I was skirting the streets of Queens braless on my pajama :) ... dead from stress and bad news (from Manila) in Florida ... happy drinking and dining with the Del Mundo's of Chicago, my heart splattered (and ignored)all over Denver.
May be I was too happy about last Friday night … spending time with ol’ friends … I was wearing a smile all throughout my tour yesterday. The luggage story was jusz like, as usual, red ants feasting on my eyes.
Facebook!
Some recently uploaded century-old pix got the raves and the waves :) … me, I guess, I have to accept my kabobahan sa Facebook. I am trying to learn it … and each time I do … something comes up. Something like …
I love those green eyes! Roarin’ with my new tiger shirt from Vi-Sa-Ge. I met her at FB thru JenJen. ;) If only for that, I deserve some extra points. :)
i misz my blogspot. i took the bus this morning with an inspiration in my head. i slept over it on the bus. I hit the office before 8 AM. I rushed downstairs to apply for a new ATM. Sent a short message to Jules. Went back up in a speeding bullet. The next 8 hours I got silly drowned over loads and loads of work. I squeezed in Anakish, got her number, I asked for Wenggay but Bok's busy with Walkathon. I asked for Tatay, i can see, hear, smell, Anakish shrugging her shoulder. I was thinking of calling Maweng Jena and Gigi ... damn! ... this witch is so freegin' busy. Nons and Thelmz texted me ... what a waste of their peso ... I can be a lousy friend sometimes, no replies demmet. MyFayeFaye has been texting me, urging me to just even drop by tomorrow night for an EMD-led SMB Drink All Nyte spree at SMX ... in as much as I want too, ... I have oculars the whole time. If there's anything else that really made me happy today, I met up with Nettchii ... she was smoking at New Studios ... shouting my name ... I went to her for a kisz. She is growing big at the Network ... she will grow bigger. I am proud of her. Nettchii will always be my little, big gurl! And like the rest of the brood, she makes me proud.
Tonight, I went home early to fulfill a promise to my little girl, a little private treat form McDo. She was waiting for it last night, I got home late from work. Tonight, I have to keep my word.
Bottomline, I failed to write anything today.
So with the little, lesz originality, I updated kraMri ... posting ... the movies.
Those lines were so good ... oh well , too bad they were jusz the movies ... but all so good, GWH on my Facebook wall. Remembering Nanat and how beautiful and convincing he said those words to me (of course without the conviction :) )
... Here they go,
Ms Candice Bergen, “Why do you want to make love go away? It's hard enough to find it in the first place.”
'Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.' - Alice Hoffman from Practical Magic
I think I just need to believe that it works. Love, couplehood, partnerships. The idea that when two people come together, they stay together. I have to take that to bed with me every night, even if I'm going to bed alone. That's a McBealism. - Ally McBeal
One of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through them. As time passes, you look back and say oh, that little thing, oh that. You fast forward to then right now, and you're over it. - Ally McBeal (again)
I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of me. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. ~ The Matrix
There once was a turtle who lived in her shell, The shell was her home and her prison as well. One day she got frightened, she wanted to hide, So she tucked her head into the safety inside. Then came a moment of terrible doubt, She could not find any head-hole to poke out. But a miracle saved her before her heart sank, the magical love of a turtle named Hank. ~ King Of Queens
I wanted a perfect ending ... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." :) ~ Gilda Radner
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with passing whispers of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. Others stay in our life awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~ Anonymous
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how. ~ Unknown
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. ~Philip K. Dick
"Gotta go see abouta girl." from Good Will Hunting (Jonathan says this better than Matt Damon :) )
"... when you need me, but do not want me, then i will stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then i have to go." ~~ this line from Emma Thompson's McPhee \
“That’s why people put hot sauce on their tacos.”** from my fave forensic scientist of NCIS
"There’s no such thing as a coincidence." … Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs
This one's from Wolverine! Why is the moon so lonely? Because she used to have a lover. (His name was Kuekuatsheu and they lived in the spirit world together. And every night they would wander the skies together. But... one of the other spirits was jealous. Trickster, one of the moons from South, he told Kuekuatsheu that the moon had asked for flowers. He told him to come to our world and pick some wild roses but Kuekuatsheu didn't know that once you leave the spirit world, you can never go back. And every night, he looks up in the sky and sees the moon and howls her name.) But... he can never touch her again.
"But the only one I've never forgotten is the one who never asked..." ... a 1900s legend (its like a fairytale, it stays the way, lovely but never real.)
the one thing i learned from mid-life the one thing i have been saying all along many valuable things in this life ain't free. a degree in economics taught me of opportunity costs. most needs, and wants and higher, loftier things they come with a price. and the price, that price ... silly, silly, you don't give it away jusz like that. i was with my cousz Carrots last Sunday a few hours after taking her in and help her get out of nasty she's got two boys a difficult but promising future she deserves better, more, great. in a really serious heart-to-heart talk i cannot be a cheesy Ate ... there should be firmness in reason and logic otherwise reason and logic becomes futile. she's only 30 ... jusz the age to welcome a good break and trade-offs, too. as i always tell mark emil, "in my younger days, i have made really serious, bad turns but hell, when your young (er), you have more room for that." So I cautioned her, my cousz, 30 years of age w/two boys ... (naughty but ohhh so cuteee and huggable) i am happy to say that as of today God me two not one but two little boys running around like craZy around my house Sophie, our kasambahay and myself have our hands full :) ... this day will come, I know ... you will find someone again, you know that freegin' fallin' in love of sort ... please please, this I ask of you He should be deserving enough of you and the boys, no less. To earn yours and Rusz' and Ian's love, trust and respect, no less. Not only a lover and a Tito (a second fiddle) but a partner, a man of the house, the pillar of the three of you. Having said that, ergo, you have to be worthy of that second chance and yes, too ... more, too the second chance should be worthy of the woman, of the people, of the life that you are and you live.
And my last hurrah ... "ang kailangan talaga, maayos kung hindi naman, hwag na lang kahit na, kahit pa gaano mo pa sya kagusto."
(Pwede naman isulat lang ang lahat.)
I am such a believer of meritocracy. You deserve better, more, greater (no less).. You have to tell that to yourself each time that's the only chance you've got to end the vicious cycle of a sloppy life.
Second shots are priceless we All have to be worthy of that.
I found this video may be some 3 years ago while trying to search and get to know that intriguing, mysterious, elusive LRHG :) I found this in YT, and so eggcitedly shared with Wenggay. I even try to post this in her friendster but couldn't figure how :( ... I was able to post it on mine. And she watched it from there. Super katatawanan kay Bok, Charlie Brown very much like our Chuck hahah. Cardiac arrest will kill Chuck, Irms!
I like Fergie but I don't think her song makes sense to the love story of CB and LRHG. The best thing to do is enjoy to the song and the movie separately :)
For the record, or may be at least in his dreams, he got to kisz the girl.
It's homecoming at Charlie Brown's school, and Charlie Brown and Linus are among the escorts for the Homecoming Queen and her court. During the Homecoming Parade, Linus tells Charlie Brown that he will be the escort for the Queen, but Charlie Brown is shocked when he sees the Queen is none other than the Little Red-haired Girl herself (whose name is revealed to be Heather). He is even more shocked when Linus tells him about the Homecoming tradition—that he has to give Heather a kiss on the cheek before the first dance. Hearing this, Charlie Brown hyperventilates and falls off the float.
The Homecoming Game begins with Snoopy as the referee and Charlie Brown on the team as kicker. But unfortunately, even in a real football game with many spectators (and Woodstock as cameraman), Lucy , also on the team as the placekick setter, can't resist humiliating Charlie Brown, again pulling the ball away just as he tries to kick it. To make matters worse, even though Lucy is clearly the guilty one, the team (particularly Peppermint Patty) blames Charlie Brown for the failed kicks. With just thirty seconds left in the fourth quarter, Charlie Brown has a chance to become a hero and kick a field goal for the win, but Lucy again pulls the ball away, and the team loses by only one point.
Despite the humiliation, Charlie Brown still arrives at the dance to the surprise of his teammates (including, oddly enough, Lucy, the real culprit behind the team's loss) who think it would have been better if he didn't show up at all. But remaining faithful to his duty, Charlie Brown escorts Heather to the middle of the dance floor and somehow summons the courage to kiss her on the cheek. From that moment forward everything is a composite blur, with Charlie Brown having euphoric visions now that he has kissed the Little Red-Haired Girl—an accomplishment previously thought to be unattainable.
Charlie Brown wakes up the next morning, having no memory of anything that happened after the kiss. He walks to the wall, his usual hangout, and meets up with Linus, who proceeds to tell Charlie Brown that though he might have lost the game, he definitely took the honors at the dance. According to Linus, Charlie Brown surprised everyone when he kissed Heather, but even more so when he took to the dance floor with her—and even the other girls in the court—doing all of the latest dances. In essence, Charlie Brown was the life of the party according to Linus.
In disbelief, Charlie Brown replied saying "What good is it to do anything, Linus, if you can't remember what you did?" Regardless, Linus reminds him that at least it was his first kiss and the story ends with Charlie Brown smiling with quiet satisfaction.
