The Malevolent Ghost

I did not attend (guess, i never will) our grade school reunion, because, even if they did not know what happened between us 7 years ago, everything else there will remind me of you, your playground, my thoughtlessness,  this wreckage.  So even if you don’t care, I am saying this, all these years, I have been striving to painstakingly put the pieces together, they don’t look as good as you found them, but I am stitching 'em well, and I won’t let anything ruin my quilt again. Even if it was just your memory.  

Joel Abadilla Ilagan

Your cohorts they never stopped.  Bring it on!

... and the stories he's been stickin with.

Going Seven

I.


"Almost" is word that uhm could be, neither good nor bad, depending which side youre taking or wait until it reveals itself to you.

But this "Almost"  is a bad thing for me.  Two things, one, it's long overdue.  So "almost" is not an acceptable option!  Two, it's but hypothetical, matter of factly, impossible.  Yes that part, chorus, third line.





II*

Recorded history.  On the fifth year, it was always rosier,  Broken, but stitched to a quilt.  Always on the 5th year.  Like it was with Emer.  And Mark, then there was you.  May be, Arcee, after you.  Five years of my life taken away, all for the healing.  It was last year, and I was looking forward to see my ol' fragmented self  waiting to embrace that moment of sweet, quiet redemption.  But I was too condescending.  I miscalculated my capacity, and your impact.

Six years and counting.
The last and the fiercest need more time.
(I say this, putting some good words,  trying to be kind to myself.)







*this was last year.  i didn't post.  because i thought, I was way passed "Almost".

Rhiannon --- The Witch Wife ;-)

".... a state of mind."


Witch-Wife
She is neither pink nor pale,
And she never will be all mine; 
She learned her hands in a fairy-tale,
And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;
In the sun ‘tis a woe to me!
And her voice is a string of coloured beads,
Or steps leading into the sea.

She loves me all that she can,
And her ways to my ways resign;
But she was not made for any man,
And she never will be all mine.

honey, nothing beats our marathon talks!

… eh nakakamiss naman talaga makipagusap sa masarap kausap … yung kahit ano pwede at kaya nyong pagusapan … yung sa sobrang engaged nyo sa moment na yun, hindi nyo na namalayan ang oras  …. bihira to eh … minsan nga, minsan lang darating, tapos nun, tapos na.  So may mag ba buzz sa yo, iba buzz back mo.  you will try to start a thrail.  but then it was not that kind that you’re missing, you know, that one you once had.  
*** *** ***
Frustrating.  you signed out realizing despite putting all the prettiest words together, you actually left behind an empty thread

—

orgasmicConversations are quite rare these days Usap lang naman … hayaan na … mabait naman. Its not fair na hanapin mo sa kanya yung taong hindi naman sya talaga … yung taong matagal ng wala … Ive got to tell myself, go Find joy in new interactions even when its not with Joel. (some very late re-post from  irmavanta.tumblr.com  )

Till then,

https://youtu.be/2ncMjBhn0cI


… may be next year … time’s fast naman … so sa 2018 ulit … basta buhay ako … hahanapin kita … mahahanap kita … kahit hindi mo alam, kahit ayaw mo …
#Joel Ilagan
”

one more shot at the dark

you know, i always go back to that place
you didn't notice
you were too busy, growing your network, liking this and that, sharing stuff, posting videos, waxing poetry.  especially during March.  always in March.  there's just too much to celebrate in March.

you know, i turned on the lights for you
and you didn't even blink.