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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Friday, July 15, 2011

the Tragedy of two halves





Puccini’s Madame Butterfly tells the story of the American Lieutenant Pinkerton and his contract marriage to Butterfly, a trusting fifteen-year-old Japanese girl. Two souls = two halves. Their Eastern and Western cultures represent both the masculine and feminine polarities of "dual burn" as well as the gulf that separates souls who have not yet balanced their karma and must endure the pain of separation as a result.

Pinkerton, a man hardened by the world, has lost the sense of the purity of true love. Although he is attracted by the beauty and charm of Butterfly, he deliberately plans to desert her for an American wife. However, Pinkerton and his Japanese bride do share intense moments of love—their souls uniting as one flame commemorating their original wholeness in God. And the fruit of this union is the conception of a child—a symbol of their great love.

But the Lieutenant is ignorant of this development and blinded by his own selfish desires. He goes home to America leaving Butterfly trusting in his eventual return.

Pinkerton does return, several years later—with an American wife. In her grief at this desertion by her true love, Butterfly takes her life.



Tonight I’m saying a prayer.
I need a balm for this melancholy

I’m afraid of these tendencies
of shutting down
and fading away
a coward’s version of falling out.

Lemonade's not working like it should.
Hot choc'late is going cold.


I'm slipping into coma ...

Dear God, are you there?

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