Trying to be Marcelo (Round Two and more)

Akala ko kasi yun pala hindi.

Wala ng sasakit pa sa lokohin ka ng taong mahal mo,.  Lahat ng paliwanag ibibigay mo sa sarjli mo,  pipiliting mong paniwalain ang sarili mo.  Pabalik baliktarin mo man, paikut-ikutin mo man... babalik din  sa isang katotohanan. Yung inaasahan mo, yung pjnanghahawakan mo na mahal ka.  Eh hindi naman pala.

Yung pabablik ka sa isang lugar na walang katuturan.  May bangko na pang dalawahan.  Pero nakaupo ka mag-isa.  Lilingon ka para sa mga yapak, na isang pares lang pala naman. Naglakad ka papunta sa isang destinasyon, na wala din naman ... at bumalik ka ... sa isang lugar na mag-isa.

***

So I was asked about those nights ...  those that were happy, promising, hot and dirty.  It seemed like we got potential huh LOL  

I replied, "too much alcohol".  Remembering how I felt then, big words, how I said 'em and meant 'em regardless of the many questions in my head and all the consequences I thought I was imagining.  I fought my doubts like a soldier that was never hurt.  It was a cliffhanger, and all that I saw was the face of my savior  down the ravine and just before I felt the rocks on my face.  I jumped to my death that day, you know.  And all the beautiful imaginings of what I thought and what could have been died with me.

Big words.  I took 'em like they meant somethin' ... like it was immaculately clean ... and pure ... sincere .... for real.  Regardless of all the wild questions in my head.  So i thought, it that was war and we were in the frontline, I was clenching my fist, you were clenching yours.  We were fighting together, so I believed.

And then there were shattered pieces of things important.  I played dangerously, and made a chain like they were diamonds that I wear around my neck.  Everyday I lick the blood from a wound that's always fresh.

I was in the middle of a well beaten path, beneath crescent moons, a blanket of stars and the sound of fireflies. That was a happy road I was taking.  But you came from nowhere. It was head-on.  That was all that was left.  A heavy empty space.  Pitch black, bloodshot.  And the screeching sound of you hurrying away

Those nights, I was too drunk and I was driving too fast. My bad.