Me, Roxanne, Train Rides

"You back Moms?"  That was actully a remark.  Her opening salvo.

We always take the couch with the strongest airconditioning sometimes it would be the 2nd from the front, South bound.  Tonight, a tiny window was left open, the wind was getting in.

"My best girl from HS's coming home from Sydney. I said. Dapat 2016 pa sila maguuwian along with our other friends from San Diego and Ontario.  But Mame's cancer stricken, stage 4 ...  so what's left of us will have a little reunion in our little hometown on Christmas week.  My friends, Facebook is  their preferred platform.  I said viber though.   But majority wins.    She'll be home by next week, we need to rush and file our paid vacation.

The other reason concerns my daughter's travel to the US next year, I want to know my options in getting a less expensive, safer carrier.   My way of getting at a more informed decision ;-) For these reasons, I needed to activate again.  I'm sure I'd be done with all these really soon.  So everything elses in everyone elses lives will go back to normal."

That was a long revalida huh.  But ain't she a bit interrogating.  Intriguing.  Malicious.  :)

Tapos?  That again was actually a remark. She can read me like a book you know.  I remember during our very first train ride together she bombardized me with all the personal questions that she got into her head,  I was caught of guard, but I'm a pretty bad liar. That was when we started becoming friends.

Moments like this ... its hard to catch my gaze.  I purposely  was looking far and away from hers.  Ang likot ng mata ko, ang hirap hulihin.

Para matapos lang, I took the courage to face her for a second.

I sighed,  i smiled or i smiled then i breathed long ...  i actually do not remember which came first.

But even before she could say anything, i turned my head away. Each time my voice breaks I know what happens next.

It was just the two of us on a small bench inside the second couch of a big, moving train.    She didn't insist but I know she heard what I said softly against the wind

"Sayang.  Akala ko kasi mahal nya din ako."

today i decide to ...

fin.*





*i used to say it's worse on Friday nights (when it rains). riding with Roxie.  taking the backseat.  home bound.  she struggles with her feelings with Wills.  i said, give it a chance but be careful,  what i just said was a silly unrealistic advise from an old woman.  i said that like i was throwing my young friend to the pit. no way you can be careful when you already decided to give it a chance.  we go reckless when we fall in love. we all do.  ... you know, the troubles with long drives, you get a lot of airtime to spend, too many questions for asking, answers you're just too tired to give.  it's like getting the center the stage while you suffer massive stage fright :).

"so what's your story  mom?"  Roxie asked.  my story, nobody wants to  hear that.  and I don't wanna tell (anymore).  i went softly, briefly "it's just a pile of jigsaw puzzle all messed up in my head."  that's all i have to say about that.

i looked far from my window seat.  (still) tearful.