Lady Di

Yesterday, I made someone from ADB very very busy.     I'm sorry to disappoint you sweetheart, but Chuck doesn't live here anymore.

Uhm, don't you think its quite late to be curious?

*Read on sweetie, but please leave the trolls by the door.

The Dresden Files**

That’s what I’m saying, sometimes love happens brief and fast, when you are given that chance you take it  as genuinely  as it was given to you. Why take it for granted, when second chances are not guaranteed.    Mark served his time.  He waited and waited and waited until it was completely gone  without  turning back, no remorse, none at all.  Wasn't he the one who said I was good at shutting down and hardest to re-boot.  But Mark baby, you had your chance, and you blew it!  

But you are not Mark.  You are more than that.  You weren’t just one of the files.  Or like a stack of paper turned brown and orange with ink marks faded in oblivion.   

It came back that clear, that profound,  for it never left.  Old and bottled up.  Feelings.

You were lucky.   It was handed to you twice in a lifetime. 

But we all got married, didn’t we (except Mark ... so please get married, too baby ... its lonely at the bottomless pit and misery do loves company ;-)  )?  So yes we did, not necessarily because we wanted to, but we because we needed to.   We followed the rules, we met expectations,  and that was great ...  or at least, we got close to something we thought was…

And that  …   when everyone longs for it but not everyone gets it.  Why do have to send it away? 

**this was was actually part of "On Being Jenny" which i started writing early December.  one of my musings about trust being gone --- one man breaking it and one woman losing the ability to trust again --- my attempt to measure the degree of difficulty between the two ... or may be i was trying really hard to justify how i got worse over the years, unforgiving to myself, nursing my cold calloused heart, feigning trust and loving it.  

and so another Christmas ... and what I did very recently in twitter, and pinterest and in here (tho briefly) and Alice Blue (permanently), and then there was Elena Tonra's darkness and Gretchen Schmid's sadness, https://www.instagram.com/p/_xpuq-gXQc11fd1Ve_SLMmW9Zof6ZbnFzfQcc0/    .... just like before everything else falling into place ...

November Memories: Bonifacio

Lost in confusion and total self bliss I've found the relation between dream and wish A dream is a fantasy lived only while asleep But a wish has a compass vast, far and deep. A dream can bring true the wish never thought As your mind wanders aimlessly and feelings are sought. But a wish is a simple, momentous undertaking A grasping of things while still in the making. Now my understanding of wish and of dreams Have broadened my scope - or so it would seem But still I'm confused and nothing is clear Because you are a wish, yet a dream so dear. With the breath of each day, I wish for your sight Visions of loveliness turned to dreams in the night You've become such a fantasy with realistic tones I long for your love and time spent alone Sadly enough my dreams cause confusion For all their purpose are meager illusion And though the dawn of each day may be cheerful to sight I fear the darkness and my continuing fight. For now its a war - a battle within A dreadful nightmare which rationality must win What should I do? Where shall I begin? Should I ask for your love or remain a dear friend? In my dreams youre my lover and my world is complete But in life your a martyr to hope so elite I've grown to know you and care with a passion But fear lies within mutual attraction. If I am to approach you with some indication Would I strengthen our friendship or cause detonation? This is the confusion, the struggle, the fight, Until I am sure, youll remain  a dream in the night. ... posted in Friendster wearin' Skype. This month he's 39.

Dresden's Jenny writes of Dresden

making this really really quick ...

had a bad dream Thursday night.  i hope you and your brother are A-Okay, same goes to your entire fam.

supertitions have no reason for pragmatics like me.  but based on record, they usually appear in my dreams.  for somebody who doesnt dream that much.  for somebody who manipulates even her own dreams ha ha.

I dream.  Yes, I do.  And each time, something's there.  id be in church tomorrow morning, ill say a pray'r for you and the entire family :)

Must be your birthday coming through next month. I still have your number ... somewhere, in between notes, may be buried deep down YM, I can always ask CITEM peeps if i wanna make sure Im gonna dial the right one.  Who knows, I can drop you something like, "Happy birthday, Marky!" ....

... then my thought balloon blinking like your Irma's Bar ...

so last night, that dream and your memory got me playing your song again, from Marked files ...  I was really such a Jenny, huh.  But we both moved on alright ... I hope you are a better boyfriend now to your girlfriend (Wenggay says dont bore her even more arrghhh) ... and and me, I love someone else now (even when its from a distance. even when its not mutual. i can live with that.  i guess).