The Dresden Files**

That’s what I’m saying, sometimes love happens brief and fast, when you are given that chance you take it  as genuinely  as it was given to you. Why take it for granted, when second chances are not guaranteed.    Mark served his time.  He waited and waited and waited until it was completely gone  without  turning back, no remorse, none at all.  Wasn't he the one who said I was good at shutting down and hardest to re-boot.  But Mark baby, you had your chance, and you blew it!  

But you are not Mark.  You are more than that.  You weren’t just one of the files.  Or like a stack of paper turned brown and orange with ink marks faded in oblivion.   

It came back that clear, that profound,  for it never left.  Old and bottled up.  Feelings.

You were lucky.   It was handed to you twice in a lifetime. 

But we all got married, didn’t we (except Mark ... so please get married, too baby ... its lonely at the bottomless pit and misery do loves company ;-)  )?  So yes we did, not necessarily because we wanted to, but we because we needed to.   We followed the rules, we met expectations,  and that was great ...  or at least, we got close to something we thought was…

And that  …   when everyone longs for it but not everyone gets it.  Why do have to send it away? 

**this was was actually part of "On Being Jenny" which i started writing early December.  one of my musings about trust being gone --- one man breaking it and one woman losing the ability to trust again --- my attempt to measure the degree of difficulty between the two ... or may be i was trying really hard to justify how i got worse over the years, unforgiving to myself, nursing my cold calloused heart, feigning trust and loving it.  

and so another Christmas ... and what I did very recently in twitter, and pinterest and in here (tho briefly) and Alice Blue (permanently), and then there was Elena Tonra's darkness and Gretchen Schmid's sadness, https://www.instagram.com/p/_xpuq-gXQc11fd1Ve_SLMmW9Zof6ZbnFzfQcc0/    .... just like before everything else falling into place ...