Para kay Jay ... despite of ...

... what we had
... and what we will never have
... the deepest cut
... the fiercest lie
... the lingering, hurtful memory
... the love you never really gave me

...  you always make me cry, you know, each time, each move you do, every conscious choice you make

... but you will always be the One I deeply care about until the last of my days.

It's been almost 4 years and 30 years and a thousand more.

I hate that i still hurt and love and still wish you well.  I fight it sometimes, the good wishes,  But I never won over it,  because i still love you even when it hurts.

i know it couldn't get any better than this.  because even when it does.  i won't believe it anyway.
you know, love and faith sometimes are two different things.  especially when there are strong reasons in between.

so even if you didn't know that i prayed for you to have a great year last year, I'm sure you did had a great one.  and i was in church this morning, and made the same prayer for you for 2015.  and looks like you're gonna get it the same way last time.   happy new year.