"I am jealous. Of what I did not have with him. Of what I don’t have with him here and now. And what I will never have with him in a thousand years.
You see, right now it’s a place where I’ve cultivated sadness. That feeling I've allowed memories and silhouettes to haunt me for an extended period of time. I go there and I cannot describe to you in words that tummy ache, that headache, that burning sensation round my eyes, and those galvanized sheets slicing my chest ... you will never understand, I dunno how to explain. Our circumstances are different. You don’t carry my chains. You don't know my kind of love. For two moons, for what i thought was my paradise, he traveled secretly on sweet, unfamiliar grounds ...
... it is now, my official venue for my hurts and my masochistic tendencies. It is where I planned, and tried many times over. My orchestrated death. I wanted to, but couldn’t.
Because …
... it was my place for my swing set. It was my Angel's Knoll. Tedious, perpetuating, unforgiving … it was a place where I waited for him ...and he was like the answer to the question that never came."
***
Thanks for overseas phone calls, emails, messages in FB where I currently squat right now on my daughter's property, Sophie V. Merza @ https://www.facebook.com/SophiaEnchanted :), Group Chats, messages in Goodreads, Instagram, etc etc Mobile calls still expensive, Viber works for me ahuh.
You see, you will find me everywhere, except there. Who know's I'd be getting some fine stitchings, and all prettified when I come back some day. Remember, Facebook ain't Instagram. :-) Ain't permanent :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment