faux

in random order ...
no blue prints, no blinking signs
you cross path with these kinds in random order

LA VIDA LOCA
there's nothing to view.  so why view?
i stopped viewing because i had nothing to see
almost 3 years ago, a few months before I left GMA
i remember signing up.  i was searching i must admit
and so i stumbled upon it in this vast highway.
birth years' nothing.  but some beginnings of a life long drama.
my destiny.
tinsley you are such a bogus.
may the good Lord bless you on your false solicitations
yes, indeed, this place nothing but treacherous.

TWO TONES
paid for good advice
i thought so
but
this was solid bogus
lahat mali
lahat kabaliktaran
to think that i was
so starry eyed as i was
sharing this to my alleged
twin soul (lol)
tsk tsk
i paid a good some of money for deception.

ET, TU BRUTE
Oh, i've had a handful of them
In my lifetime
mainly in my adult years
old people disguised as friends
i thought were my friends
mistaken to be my friends
oh this was easy for me
Of course i got hurt but
sabi ko nga ...
Nakakalungkot pero
hindi nakapanghihinayang
people like them i dropped
with no second thoughts
of course, they regret to lose me
Too late, too bad
i'm already gone.


THIS LOVE
you know what,
each time i go back
to that night in June
and each time i tried, i did, yes, i did try
to get to the bottom of it
but there were just too many
i love yous
fancy words like barbiturates
intoxicated me like a drug
i got lost there in the twirl
today like yesterday
like those days when reality
unfolding big crystal clear
i still ask myself
kung alin, ano, at hanggang saan ang totoo
sa loob ng dalawang buwan
kung may totoo man
and like those days, ordinary days
until this very day
i am lost.
in this trance.

HERE CYBER
a place to hide
a place to lie
one too many
be wary,

The Love Bus

I was seated directly behind them, the airconditioning was wild ... I was still 5 stops away from Ortigas ... I covered myself with flowers, instead.  Whooops a daisy!

Picture perfect ... early Wednesday morning at the bus ... love comes in different colours ... he's red head , he's blonde.  Didn't work for me tho, but the sight of a (genuinely or seemingly genuine) happy couple in love still makes me blush.  Masarap pa rin naman talaga ma in love. :-) , i mean, masarap pa rin naman talaga na may ka-mutual love :-) :-)

Macy Gray - Still Hurts Feat Romika

Tuesday's child 'all messed up on a Tuesday nyte ...






...tiz my second Macy Gray ...

Kitch Witch Diaries: My Very First Homemade Cheese Pimiento

Pope Francis is here!  Hurrah!  It's a long weekend and I have nuff time to recuperate from my lung infection.

This Saturday night, while waiting for my baby girl who is out attending (again) one of her high school besties debutante's ball (again) :) ...  I'm fixing something really fast and easy :)

I wanted to do this before Christmas but I got sick already.  I always get fresh rosy red bell peppers and they'd ended up wrinkled, drained,  raisined, cold in our crisper lol.

Saturday afternoon, coming from a quick visit to my Ortho, I got me a pair of red bells :), and I got serious with my homemade cheese pimiento.

Ingredients:  1 bar (225 grams) Dairy Creme Buttermilk, 1 bar (175 grams)  Eden Cheese, 4 teaspoons white sugar, 1 medium red bell pepper, pinch of salt to taste :)

Easy Steps:  1)  Melt butter in room temperature 2) Boil red pepper, 5 to 7 mins.  3)  Once butter is soft enough, cut in to bitsy squares  4)  Put squared butter in a bowl, grate cheese over it  5)  Mince the bell pepper and mix really well with butter and and cheese plus the white sugar  and the salt.

Make the mix really pasty.  Ms SJValdez said to use fork, so I did.  And the consistency was good.  Just put your cheese pimiento in a clean jar or  in my case, the ever reliable  "tupperware" ;-)

DOWNSIDE:  hummm a bar of butter can be over the top ... and if i'd have it my way, I''ll use 2 red bells.  I like spikes, i like spicy :) ... I just used it sparingly because my daughter absolutely do not like anything "pepperish".  And may be, yes, some more pinches of salt. :) 

Oh well, what can I say this is not really a to die for spread for my daughter but .... for mom it is lol.    So  I got some vested interest in here.    

CREDITS:  Thanks very much to http://www.allaroundpinaymama.com/ for the guidance.

Got me some fairies :-)

They sent me fairies and good wishes ....

from red Cheekees ... who kept me company round the clock in Viber ... keber na tulugan ko pa sya  

from  Hoshebeh ... though her opinion scares me ... i'm taking heed ...  WILL LET MY PULMONOLOGIST LOCK ME UP IF NECESSARY! 

from my ol' man, GerryB --- tama si Wenggay ... hinay hinay sa kape at nagiging nerbyoso ka :-)

***   *** ***

And this is my promise ... to be in one good piece by Tuesday next week.  

Good as new this ol' witch ;-)

Thanks for all the lovin' y'all!!!

Life ain't Disney

Last Wednesday night I went back to my Facebook account, it still is a place where I keep all my photos. I might try cloud computing one of these days but I guess I’m still too weak and sick to explore that.

She had been whimpering for us to sit down for beer or (then) coffee since last year before Christmas.  But it was a busy season for many of us.  We had to re-sked indefinitely but hopefully soon.  It sounded urgent, but I didn’t see that.  The family photos were all pretty so I was an unsuspecting viewer too fast to click Like. :-(

Two nights ago, while online at FB, she buzzed me a message, to check on her nanay, she knew I was in the hospital on a new year, and  for some selfish reasons :-) she said she is gonna pray for my fast recovery, it is really important that we meet ASAP. “Behind the family pictures …”, those were her words, still reverberating inside my head.

My young friend needs me, too bad I’m still sick.  I promised her that I would see our company doctor the next day, I will put all my wits and will together to recuperate, hopefully push our much needed rendezvous by Friday this week.  Some things just couldn’t wait.  I told her to hang on a little bit longer, anyways, Friday night is just around the corner.   

But then, I didn’t know my condition was gonna get worse overnight.  The following morning I was in the hospital again for pneumonia.  And today, for the second day, exactly 9 nine days from the new year, I called in sick :( again.

I haven’t told her yet, may be later, may be the 14^th is a better date, that’s 5 days from now, and I see myself fully recovered and feeling better than awesome.  The Pope is coming so there will be an outpour of goodwill, and grace, and blessings.  Amen :).

Having said that, can I just say, that’s one of the reasons why I grew tired of Facebook. 

I don’t mind the public display of affection.  I’m Taurus, I’m like that, too.  I don’t mind showing off my affection to people  I sincerely care about.  So other people who does  PDA or professes mutual love and admiration to each other, online offline  doesn’t bother me.  I’m okay with dirty, honest dirty lol.    I’m 45 years old this year, I can live with that lol.

But what we intentionally show in public, I hope it’s not because we only want to show it off.  For the heck of it.  Because it’s a trend, it’s a fad.  Because I’m jealous of my neighbors albums, my sibings’ shout outs.  Or because it’s Christmas, there’s gotta be  something under the tree or may be a kissing photo under the mistletoe.  Oh, I know a lot of that kind in Facebook and I am saddened that another good friend is in that same predicament as my other good friends, my best friends for life, and yes even some  of my own family.

I was in the same black hole before.  After I discovered all the lies.  After that very courageous vanishing act.  After coming to terms with myself and what it was just all about.  I managed a hook up and I posted it all over Facebook … in my timeline, in my relationship status, profile picture, cover photo. Albums etc etc.  I was an angry woman with an opportunity.  Somebody hurt me.  And somebody was there, and I kinda liked him, too.  So there …

I wanted to show off to that person who broke my heart, that, I can easily replace him.  You know at 41, I did not have to run after anybody, I got pursued.  I got offers.  So an angry woman with an opportunity has gotta to do what she’s gotta do with an opportunity like that :). 

That was silly, I may be dead tomorrow, and Joel wouldn’t care.  And the whole idea of showing off and getting even was epic failure.  LOL.  But know what, Willy and I, we lasted 4 months.  Sex was OK, better than nothing :) … but ours was best, with Joel  because I love him, and I thought he did, too.  The best sex is always with someone you love. It's true.  :) 

I broke off with Willy to make things right, with my broken little self.  So probably that was the closest I got to bragging about something that I’m not really proud of.  I used somebody to hurt somebody, and showed it off in Facebook hoping it will make myself feel better.  All this circus, it wasn’t a good thing to do.  You can call me anything, but I know inside my hurting self,  there’s a good, honest woman there, responsible enough to make things nice. :)

Facebook has become a place to cultivate hurt, pride, dishonesty, insincerity, unfaithfulness, lies, promiscuity.  Some people there roam around Facebook for hook ups and free cyber sex.  Sad but true.

I miss those Facebook days, when it’s much simpler and peaceful when my network was limited to my high school besties, and CITEM and my family.  There was no venue to flirt, no reason to brag.  I was having this thing with Mark, and he’s from CITEM. Chaotic but manageable.  And it was 5 years of that.  With Mark.

Sabi ni Willy, “we’re stuck in this”.  I agree, for I am, too, we all are. But we can still make things worth while.  Honesty and sincerity are of highest order.  It’s not easy.  But you can pull it through if you will, too.  While  it takes nothing to be dishonest and insincere, it takes lot of courage and dignity to be truthful and profound.  That's why genuine love is rare.  It requires the best from us.  And "best" ain't easy.  So then  thats when we settle with less than true love.  Like free legal sex on a piece of paper.    

What my marriage has become is not something I’m proud of.  I’m not gonna rub salt into it, I’m not gonna lick into it either.  My family, my friends, my daughter and her father they know better.  Jhun and I we gave them the real picture.  I do not have to show off my certainty, especially if only to prove a point.  And I definitely would not brag about something I do not have.  What would that make out of me, I come face to face with the truth, alone in my bed every night.  You can lie to the world but not to yourself. I don't want to wake up everyday with a double dose of sadness from "a life I'm stuck with"  and from living a lie.  That's double whammy, baby!   

It’s true, many of us we are stuck with a life, we either like or not, let’s not make it worse by pretending that we live in  a perfect world.  OK is a simple statement, like true love, human beings have perfectly degraded these beautiful powerful feelings in the most mediocre ways imaginable.

Each time we make choices, we give up something.  Sadly, even some things important to us, things we actually want to have, things worth having than the ones we chose to keep … I mean the life we’re stuck with now.  

I'd like to believe that there is still chivalry in this world somewhere, in small bits and pieces of us and our calloused beings wrapped around in pretty ribbons of our superficial lives ... so let it be that, “Whatever choice we make, let it come from our hearts.” 

My dear Phia, I know somehow, we can still do that.  Nanay will see you really soon my sweetie. Hang on.

sick but hopeful, bored but entertained

I'm Patient no. 16.  The doctor just got started with no. 1 :(.  I think my initially diagnosed condition when  I was brought to the Emergency Room of Divine Grace Medical Center the morning after New Year's eve progressed into something else.  Pustahan papa x-ray na naman ako hayyyy ... i hate hospitals, and all the procedures that come with it especially gynecologists internal examinations from the most crude pelvic exams, pap smears to vaginal ultrasounds arrrggghh not to mention of course, OBs ask the most excruciatingly  humiliating personal questions to a woman of my stature.  I am cursed!  I am damned!

And last month, I was in and out of the emergency rooms and laboratories and clinics of DLSU Medical Center and San Juan De Dios Hospital for a record breaking total of 6 times, excluding new year and today .  Six times in 31 days, how's that! What  can I say but I  hated  the IV  because of the viscous medicine fed in my poor helpless veins (which of course endured  a bit of hematoma and swelling afterwards), and I abhorred the electronic array transvaginal transducer which was more painful than pleasureable LMAO (which to me as some geniuses' dupe of an effin' dildo arrggghhh) but I was mesmerized and actually I did enjoy riding the fluoroscopic bed.

Patient no. 6 is on!  Ten more to go ;(

So now what! I'm writing this piece basically to entertain myself, sharing my "hospital" visits like some sort of a  journey minus the fun part.  I am used to bringing my mom, my lola and my little Sophie to places like this one as if i have informally designated  myself as the family's official caregiver. I have, however, preferred to bring my sick me to doctors all by myself ever since. Something I got used to and begun to like especially now that i can read, write, post while on queue :)
So while my tummy crumbles for breakfast and lunch, my chest heavy, and my patience seriously  going down ... lemme share my new toys ...

All 20000 mah Swarovski Dior powerbank.

the homescreen and the wallpaper

Parang slumbook but this is actually my 2015 Photo Planner 

***its bronchitis, i pray it doesn't level up.  Saturday the x-ray will confirm how bad it is.  Meantime, I promise to be a good girl ;-)

Para kay Jay ... despite of ...

... what we had
... and what we will never have
... the deepest cut
... the fiercest lie
... the lingering, hurtful memory
... the love you never really gave me

...  you always make me cry, you know, each time, each move you do, every conscious choice you make

... but you will always be the One I deeply care about until the last of my days.

It's been almost 4 years and 30 years and a thousand more.

I hate that i still hurt and love and still wish you well.  I fight it sometimes, the good wishes,  But I never won over it,  because i still love you even when it hurts.

i know it couldn't get any better than this.  because even when it does.  i won't believe it anyway.
you know, love and faith sometimes are two different things.  especially when there are strong reasons in between.

so even if you didn't know that i prayed for you to have a great year last year, I'm sure you did had a great one.  and i was in church this morning, and made the same prayer for you for 2015.  and looks like you're gonna get it the same way last time.   happy new year.

 

Hailey Ava

She with the sweetest smile.

hehe chicken joy thigh

our little big foot

she has this thing with her toes really

he he like this

her feet and toes are her fave toys really :))

gulong gulong na

gulong with her pillow

gulong under her mobile

chillax moment

slumber time at the Mall

too many plushies to sit with

... and to lie with

busy with cartoons

New Year;s eve feed with Tita

My perpetual wish, each year, since that year ...