Kitch Witch Diaries: The Search for Roseman Bridge ...

Ok, these got 2 parts.

FIRST PART

I was going over my Timeline photos 2 days ago while working on some project proposal at the office then i chanced upon this posting some time late last year. I got inspired writing about my love affair with this vintage-looking little book my Robert James Waller right after watching the movie for the 2nd time around. The first time i've seen i was just playing film critic, hoping Robert Redford  over Clint Eastwood and not finding Meryl Streep  not sexy enough for a lonely hottie wife,  Francesca Johnson.

Something in my head about working on my review for that Beth Harbison book but couldn't start for the very apparent reason that it was like a sharp edged knife slashing that part of my chest again.  So I'm decided to park it meantime.  especially about Nate ... leaving .. saying ... "I'd rather love you and be alone than love you and be ..."  Damn!  How did writers learn to write so painfully?  So am sayin' ... I'm parkin' this meantime.

So there you go, an automatic review of that love between a man named Robert Kincaid and a woman he called Francesca.

"Mid 90s … just like the rest. I brought and read it along wherever I was. I was never shy with my emotions. I laugh, breakdown, display affection, get pissed like nobody’s watching LOL ... and that story of Robert Kincaid and Francesca Johnson never fails to make me cry like a baby … in that little place I shared with my (then) boyfriend, sa banyo, sa kwarto, sa module ko sa Hall 5 ng CITEM, sa La Salle, sa taxi, sa jeep … literally kahit saan. 2011, I got a DVD copy of that novel and got myself watching it again today which led me to reminiscing vintage living, the smell of suburb, that old truck Harry, the mean yellow dog, Manila paper, rumor mongers LOL, a woman’s impulse shopping prior to major major date LMAO, and that other summer dress I wanted for myself lala, Nighthawk Cummings and his weeping horn, Franny’s fanning her naked bod with fresh air, dark night, by the porch hehe, and my formal introduction to Anais Nin (my new inspiration), normal marriages, normal families, death and coming to terms, those magnificent words of love, that once in a lifetime certainty and a room to dance again."

SECOND PART

All because of this and for the love of goodreads :) ... I went looking for an old Roseman Bridge photo i remember posting somewhere in one of my FB quilts  ... not in my Timeline nor in my favorite number album ... then there ...  suddenly i was there ... a place i hardly i go to these days, "A Lesson on Cooking and Life"  album, one of my many private albums  ... i found all these but no Roseman Bridge.  My broken heart started beating fast ... Oh tear ...

After 41 years and 2 months.
A sweet, spolied brat's first dish.
Pakbet for my Honey. 6/25/2011

proudly in my purple plate  ... that's one good-lookin' menudo ahuh! 7/7/2011

fresh shrimps 101 curt'sy of Honey ko 

26th August 2011 ... a few days before our last day, our last weekend together.  ... ***he even reminded me to ask for beer salt and limit my beer to 3 ... me the obedient honey  ... had only 3 beers that evening. We closed down Mexicali.

one of his songs daw for me 8/17/2011

missing my honey bunch so much 7/6/2011

Table for one. 6th September 2011.

Decision made 23rd October 2011.

Marimar takes a bow LOL ... cookin' with mah "mumps" blue saranggani anklet, mah baby pink hanes, while my hair clamped with pink bushes ... still candles, still coffee 7/9/2011

Mine 8/19/2011

gettin' butchered for the 2nd time! — at Tattoo de Iloco, Laoag City.  6/10/2012

Nike Air Trainer 1.3 Max Breathe MP 11/7/2011— at ♥.

Such a lovely pair! — at ♥.

Binili ko kasi akala ko seryoso sya na gusto nya talaga .. joke time lang pala ulit.  Ang mahal na joke ... tsaka ang sakit ... hayyy

Ayun accumulating dusts and cobwebs in my Ottoman.  Sophie always commenting kung bakit di  pa kinukuha nung nagpabili (my daughter she accompanied me in Bonifacio Global City to get this limited edition pair.) ... sabi ko, nakalimutan na kasi malayo ... she'll turn her back and go on with her chores ... i tell myself softly ... pag namatay ako, sama ko to sa kabaong ko, para mailibing na kasama ako.

i thought of donating Nike here  — atwww.brokenships.com.

The Museum of Broken Relationships grew from a traveling exhibition revolving around the concept of failed relationships and their ruins. Unlike ‘destructive’ self-help instructions for recovery from failed loves, the Museum offers a chance to overcome an emotional collapse through creation: by contributing to the Museum's collection.

i remember still ... 4/18/2012— at theeternalbliss.wordpress.com.

Me ditching the false claims about twin flame.

26 August 2012 ... I was thinking may be I should unfriend all our common friends, but that would be unfair. This pops out on the right side panel of Destine's pixietales. I blocked you because of this. It wasn't your fault. And I wasnt angry. It's just that, its my prerogative. And i still hurt.


That was his prerogative.  To post a profile picture and shout it out to the whole word.  Irregardless of my feelings (as ever, as always) ... It was my prerogative to block him.  I know if didnt matter to him at all.  But it mattered to me.  Mababaw man, pero baka makatulong ... not to see his profile pic with his wife. and  be reminded of the pile of lies, a 41 year old woman of my intelligence,  consciously chose to believe in.  My bad.

Your thoughts can hurt you.  But those are imaginations until you see a picture.

(His memory still makes me cry.  Love sucks isnt it?)

... "cried a river, built something like Roseman bridge ... threw the ashes ... but never getting over ..."

Umuulan sa labas.  Umuulan din sa loob ng kwarto ko.  Kasalanan tong lahat ng Roseman Bridge na yan!  Kainez!

Retiring twogether

Beng and I ... we've gone a long way ... after sending me off to Tanza, Cavite some 20 years ago ... so happy to hang out with her again, though under limited time and very different circumstances ... and so blessed that after twenny years, nothing's changed between us. —

... this photo was taken in Rosario, Cavite, March of 1993. So sweet and gracious of her ... Hinatid pa ako ni Bengbeng from Gapo to Cavite. The following month Manileña na ako.

i was 22 and she was 24. she was trying mean hard to recover from Paul (but couldn't).  i was trying to end an engagement (but couldn't).  we kinda sorta put together by God in some strange circumstances (like office hehe) ... and braved all that to cheer each other up and on.  :).  i was a very young and inexperienced supervisor and she was under me.    we were both very hardworking.  it was just an organizational structure thing that meant nothing to us ...  this and that ... blah blah blah blah Beng and I we hit it off easy and fast.  we became really good friends and until this very day we still are.

we tried to be holy.
we went to church together.  si beng ...  na ligawin ng mga pastor at deacons.  who wants to be courted by men of god LOL ... i always kid her hahaha that theyd go read the bible than make out LOL ... how miserable.

we turn to butterflies in a blink of an eye.
we were sneaking marlboro lights inside my room.  mom was supposed to be still in the office.  then she knocked at my door.  home too soon. hehe ... beng and i we jumped from my bed like frogs and ended up anxiously driving away the smokes like silly flying roaches in panic!

we shared a weird diet.  
had carrots and soya milk for lunch and break time.  our officemates made fun of us LOL  ... they said we were disgusting and hopeless haha ...  but that was all for good intentions and supplications.  me helping beng lose some pounds ... beng trying to help me eat  healthy, gain a few pounds after some massive emotional roller coaster ride plus that really painful orthodontic retainer i was wearing  during that time like a true blooded masochist. :(

we shopped to death.
single naman kami so every payday, we take the Victory Liner and travel all the way to SM City North Edsa and/or SM Megamall to find our "zen" --- Cinderella, Marks and Spencer, Our Tribe, Gift Gate ... and and never fails ... Going Straight for Bengbeng's stubborn curls. Hayy buhay dalaga ...

we invented stalking.
hey that wasn't easy in the early 90s alright.  dot matrix pa ang printer ahaha, wala pang google LOL ;) ... walang CP, ang landline sa Gapo Piltel na walang dial tone lol (how pathetic!!!), ngayon nga madalang eh lalo noon walang taxi sa Gapo, jeep to jeep lang ang pagsunod ahahah. ang hirap letch!  pero for the love of Beng ... one afternoon, after payday again, we had a new itinerary (not Manila shopping malls anymore) ... i forgot, the name of that computer school, it was actually one of the first in Gapo, sa may Gordon Ave. cor. 14th St. yata yun ... Kessing (of course), Gordon Ave., then basketball court then Natividad woohooo am i so familiar with that place ... pag nawala pa naman ako eh ewan ko na lang ...

Yung binoboylet nitong si Marylen eh instructor sa computer school so we went there inquiring as prospective students ahahah --- tadah --- lucky girl this Marylen, boylet was there to entertain our queries.   Natawa ako, ang biba ni Beng, hindi torpe kala mo yun.  And wasnt she so credible.  He invited us to enroll. Ang Beng kuha agad ng registration form ahaha kaso short ang budget ahahah, ako na kunsintidora at bagong sweldo labas ng 1500 lol ... so i wanna make this official, that i actually funded Marylen Dizon's computer education ahahah ... to cut a long story short, they ended flirting with each other for awhile, before she found about he was bipolar and suicidal LOL ... and who was living in with a girlfriend who was a drug dependent.  infatuation lang naman, natapos din.  Good for beng.

Si Beng suportado din kami ni Reden.  But as you know, smokes were cleared between me and Reden.  I ended up marrying Jhun.  She disagreed very very strongly.  Pero sumige pa din ako.  She missed my wedding.    :(  But she was ninang to Sophie. :)  

She married late but had 4 boys.  The three real little boys at si Pastor (nyahhhaa pastor pa din talaga).  One of  my best girl friends is a pastor's wife!  Damn!  Bawal green jokes LOL .. the both of us always prim and proper lol ... sakit sa shoulder blades ahaha

All powered up.  We're back to working together.  Cant wait to share  the news with our ol' DTI Olongapo family.

... must say ...

Isn't such a bliss to watch the sunset from that side of  the planet ;), with one of your most favorite friend in  the whole wide world.

Grandparents Moments

My Profile Pic entry, Grandparents 2012

"Shopping spree in Escolta. Birthday parties in our ancestral house in Tanza. My own little bed in the master bedroom. Cabinets full of toys. Home cooked lunch and snacks personally delivered at the doorsteps of my classroom. Dates at the Tennis Club in Rosario. Sunday mass. Hide and seek at the Public Cemetery LOL. Lessons on Japanese Occupation, Philippine folklore and mythology, love for education, and stories of their youth. My scratch free knees and elbows. Tangle –free hair. My fresh and crispy school uniforms. My nannies. Walking First Aid Kit and anti-mosquito repellant. My school bus. My personal security. My Pep squad. Coddlers. Financiers. My first line of defence. My allies. My Fans. So they say I have his sense of humor  … I wish I have his pride, too. They say I have her brains, I wish I have her grace. All the perks I got and enjoyed for being the first grandchild. There are no trade-offs with grandparents. Thank you for the love and all the wonderful memories, Lolo Tatay and Lola Nanay. I wish we still have you guys around. Love always --- your Ebey."

My Lolo Tatay wearin his typical Kabitenyo swag ala  The Great Profile ... the superrrrr duperrr dark skin, wide forehead, high bridged nose, eyes deep set ... while my Lola was of Filipino-chinese-Portuguese descent was a woman of character, substance and grace.  Their terms of endearment was "Deng", whatever that meant, or may be it was a shorter, more discreet version of "darling", jusz my theory :) ... Lolo succumbed to esophagus cancer in 1979.  Lola never remarried, and joined her "deng" eventually 28 years after.

***

Easy Sunday morning, my daughter and I visiting memorials of Lola Meding (mine) and Lola Miles (hers).  Next month, I'm planning to bring her to Naic, for Lolo Tatay.  May be jusz a little pep and preps, small old public cemeteries are oh sooooo far far in many ways from upscale memorial parks.    I've always planned to have my Lolo interred with Lola but with due respect, it was Lolo's dying wishes to be buried together with his parents.

Narra Hills *  Pink Malaysian mums * my daughter with her abuelas * Me complaining about the tree LOL * See that Mac NY Apple right smacked on my lips LOL * our very abled caretaker, Manang Vivian --- she taking care of Lola's and Mama's plot 

Bracken's Jose Rizal*

*My facebook is active from 12 noon - 12 midnight :) --- Kabitenya time LOL ... jusz add me na lang.  I promise to accept.  :) ... but that's just temporary, pag bumalik na sa dagat ang mga talangka sa utak ko, my FB will  be up and running as it should be.  Don't ask why ... you won't get it anyway, dont sweat, i don't get it myself.  LOL  Luka luka pa din ako.  Hey, 'course I cried over you,  for 6 months, but I've long moved on since then.  People do get over some people, ryte.  Ganun talaga.

(Sometimes, though, too ...  you don't  get over some people.  Ganun talaga.  I've conceded to my destiny.)

***


Here ... memories of you and Sophie ... and us.

This before or after Munich?  Funny, how you always wanted to join me in my trips and, your Visa, Schengen and US, always get declined those days.  But see, how far you've gone now.  Damn, of all places huh, why there!

Tito Denden and Soph at my old office.  Gearing up for CITEM's Kiddie Xmas party.

Answeet,  Lakas mo dyan, ini spoiled mo kasi, hump.  

That's us and my ol' ITSED crew.  Us jusz droppin by at the party.  You my ever persistent school bus. LOL

First grade, and you noticed me. I was an honor student and smelled sunshine, you my friend, was busy playing marbles, and smelled like sun . Remember this class pic, you brought this to CITEM, and showed proudly to Alma and Thelms  ... hey, I miss you, classmate.  God bless. — in Tanza.
***This is posted in my "Past Life" Album in Facebook

*********

eto na yung alaga mo ngayon, 1st year college na Tourism Management sa La Salle.  

Time flies ...

Bruno Mars overload

this our current fave, my daughter and i ... Bruno Mars babeeyyyy



... and this our fave LSS  ... softly ... we say these lines with the swag, like leavin' your tongue in midair ...

 ... That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man ..."



... Friday nyte, Donya M. (my daughter's pet name to Tita M) ... Blue Wave, we go drinkin'.  She owe me!  At iyan ay dahil sa yo, Jose Rizal, mapapainom tuloy kami ng kaibigan mo LOL

Hey, Bok Wenggay's interested on you Jose Rizal ... back again ... back in the days ... haha ...natawa lang talaga sya sa coincidence ... if i can just post her text message last nyte ... natulog na lang ako ng maaga dahil wala naman akong maisagot.

Diani ...  gusto ko ng dagat!!!! ... but i think you got tired na of all the crap I only shout  in open seas.  I miss you na Dee but I want to see you lang when  i have better stories of my better self. gee, i think thats gonna take a little longer.  you think so.

***
Another Bruno Mars, one of my personal favorites ... would you believe that my girl friend Arlene Lee, posted this in my timeline LOL ... buti na lang at ni reserve nya yung comment sa private PM lol ... when was that nga ba ... November 2011.  Nah, you don't wanna know the story behind it, and her message ...
Some special people (or used to be) were celebrating their bdays in November ... Superman, GerryBoy, Mark was 37 that time, MaryL, Cah, and Diani ... hail Scorpions and Sagitts!  But hell did i skip it, and still skippin', all the moons I opted to thrash all away ... and i have no plans gettin' 'em back.  Fuck!

Just so you know ... when you leave (which you did) ...  for old time's sake ... please don't forget to fedex my morphine ...



Last night, I was in church again. and said the same prayers.

Let's be friends (again)

GOOD GRIEF!

Jose Rizal,

I didn't know you were such a voracious reader.  I hope i was your influence on that.  At least I have a positive contribution on your well being.

Just add me in Facebook.*  You'll find me there, we have 30 mutual friends.  I'm very sure you are aware of that.

Not that I don't want you here, while my journal is public, this is a sacred place for me. (makes me uncomfortable :) ... if that matters to you, i hope it does :) )

And of all 51, why there?

At least you got 3 of your dreams, alright:  a wife, a son and a stateside life.

Happy for you.

Add me up, Ill accept.

You are a good man, Supremo.  God bless you.

Signed,


('was once your) Josephine Bracken





*but not tonight, i'll deactivate the next 2 days ... this has become a bad habit of mine, sensya na ...

Witchcraft!

I went home last nyte with a throbbing headache.    I tried to go online but I was so exhausted.   I thought I was gonna run a fever.So if I have that kind of temperature, I used to say, I may be like ovulating, LOL, but I stopped monitoring, counting, eons ago.  So here I go again, making fun of myself in a really bad way LOL.

You know that there is no single day that passed since all that, that I didnt think about you.  I was in church last night, I always close my prayer in your name.  Just asking God to bless you, and your boys, and well I have to be at least politically correct with God … and even your wife, and every single soul genetically  and legally connected with you.

But its different these days.  Much intense.  I am always happy thinking about you.  Until reality sets in.  But at least I start the thought of you with a smile on my face.  What could have been beautiful  … we were beautiful together … until reality sets in.

Remember the manghuhula. I didn’t go back to him anymore.   He milked a good sum of money from me.  I was lost and desperate and very very gullible.  He took advantage of a silly old hag who then believed in love and magic. As I always say, at the end of the day, the veracity and sincerity of anything … plans, dreams, promises, feelings and even prophecies --- they are just words intricately, creatively sewn together as by-products of some wild imaginings … it is the end results that matter .  Lahat ng sinabi nya mali.  Lahat ng sinabi nya kabaliktaran ng nangyare.  And if there’s any truth about that exercise … was exactly that … the reversal of fortune.

But I was hurt.  Now I treat magic like a game.  Or something’s that just fashionable.  I thrashed away the thought of you being my other half, my twin.  You lived the life that you wanted.  I accepted my fate. 

Yet moments like this,  may be there’s a single chromosome in my body that continuously resists my pain .  When everything is burned down to ashes, this single gene standing stubbornly side by side with destiny.

I ask, do I carry you?  I really do?  My twin. 

The headache.  The stomp in my chest.  That black empty pit in my stomach.  My nape hurts.  The burning sensation around my eyes, my blurry sight, I’ve  got blisters all over my lips, for God’s sake!   I….. feel ……. you …. every minute of the day.   What is happening …

Are you hurt? Sick?  Tired?  Sad?

That single hard headed persistent molecular unit of my being is getting all that energy from that side of the world.   You are so far but you affect me like our skins are just brushing each other now … your fingers crushing with mine … kissing your lips until we bleed and  listening to your heartbeat so closely that I could actually die from it.  This tight.  This near.

***

If I could tell you this, I wanna tell you this, I will tell you this ...

I am not angry.  In the beginning I was or I thought so or I wanted so.  But I am hurt. Still hurt.  But not angry.  There’s a difference.

I still toy with the idea of us together someday near future, here, now, this minute.  But that would mean stealing you from your wife and sons,  someday near future, here, now, this minute.    The "stealing you from your wife and sons" part I don't like.  

Just think of this wonderful wonderful thought ... that someone far far away loves you sooooo verryyy much that she can actually make you feel how loved you are right now.  I know that you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.  But God blessed you with a bonus ...  there's another soul loving and rooting for you from afar.  Not everyone gets that in their life.

Cheer up, I do still love you honey ko.

(you affecting me. you make my body ache for you.  and  i got work to do.  and a 16 year old girl to raise.)