Witchcraft!

I went home last nyte with a throbbing headache.    I tried to go online but I was so exhausted.   I thought I was gonna run a fever.So if I have that kind of temperature, I used to say, I may be like ovulating, LOL, but I stopped monitoring, counting, eons ago.  So here I go again, making fun of myself in a really bad way LOL.

You know that there is no single day that passed since all that, that I didnt think about you.  I was in church last night, I always close my prayer in your name.  Just asking God to bless you, and your boys, and well I have to be at least politically correct with God … and even your wife, and every single soul genetically  and legally connected with you.

But its different these days.  Much intense.  I am always happy thinking about you.  Until reality sets in.  But at least I start the thought of you with a smile on my face.  What could have been beautiful  … we were beautiful together … until reality sets in.

Remember the manghuhula. I didn’t go back to him anymore.   He milked a good sum of money from me.  I was lost and desperate and very very gullible.  He took advantage of a silly old hag who then believed in love and magic. As I always say, at the end of the day, the veracity and sincerity of anything … plans, dreams, promises, feelings and even prophecies --- they are just words intricately, creatively sewn together as by-products of some wild imaginings … it is the end results that matter .  Lahat ng sinabi nya mali.  Lahat ng sinabi nya kabaliktaran ng nangyare.  And if there’s any truth about that exercise … was exactly that … the reversal of fortune.

But I was hurt.  Now I treat magic like a game.  Or something’s that just fashionable.  I thrashed away the thought of you being my other half, my twin.  You lived the life that you wanted.  I accepted my fate. 

Yet moments like this,  may be there’s a single chromosome in my body that continuously resists my pain .  When everything is burned down to ashes, this single gene standing stubbornly side by side with destiny.

I ask, do I carry you?  I really do?  My twin. 

The headache.  The stomp in my chest.  That black empty pit in my stomach.  My nape hurts.  The burning sensation around my eyes, my blurry sight, I’ve  got blisters all over my lips, for God’s sake!   I….. feel ……. you …. every minute of the day.   What is happening …

Are you hurt? Sick?  Tired?  Sad?

That single hard headed persistent molecular unit of my being is getting all that energy from that side of the world.   You are so far but you affect me like our skins are just brushing each other now … your fingers crushing with mine … kissing your lips until we bleed and  listening to your heartbeat so closely that I could actually die from it.  This tight.  This near.

***

If I could tell you this, I wanna tell you this, I will tell you this ...

I am not angry.  In the beginning I was or I thought so or I wanted so.  But I am hurt. Still hurt.  But not angry.  There’s a difference.

I still toy with the idea of us together someday near future, here, now, this minute.  But that would mean stealing you from your wife and sons,  someday near future, here, now, this minute.    The "stealing you from your wife and sons" part I don't like.  

Just think of this wonderful wonderful thought ... that someone far far away loves you sooooo verryyy much that she can actually make you feel how loved you are right now.  I know that you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.  But God blessed you with a bonus ...  there's another soul loving and rooting for you from afar.  Not everyone gets that in their life.

Cheer up, I do still love you honey ko.

(you affecting me. you make my body ache for you.  and  i got work to do.  and a 16 year old girl to raise.)