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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The perks of not falling in love with your best bud ... and the silly thoughts running around my head i couldn't tell him





under the weather.  it's been 3 days.  yeah, i saw the jump shot. i knew about the birthday dance.  and the wacky pose by the turkey.  her friends doing the rounds --- they make sure it gets to me.  and and he's got the right to life like anyone of us.  let him get a piece of happy.  well,  she's got big tummy.   she must be pregnant.  lam mo naman yun, toro, manyakis, hump.  he loves sex. and sex must be really good for the last 22 months or so. :)  ... who knows finally, he's gonna get his baby girl.   so allow me to quote myself  "Your thoughts can hurt you.  But those are imaginations until you see a picture?'"

*** 
of course, i couldn't tell him what's been going around my head these days.  of course, i was pretending to be alright.  gusto ko lang kausap.  o kwentuhan nya ako kahit ano.  may be more about the e heads concert in Singapore.Or may be his son's josh painting expeditions hehe.  his london segues ;).  anything.

there's always a trigger.  messy hair, messy head.  i went home early.  trekked moa.  did some modest shopping.  pimped my brows and wore Kate Moss.  finally, bribed myself with Starbucks' signature choc'
late drink cold version.

at least my voice didnt break at the other end of the line.  sanay na ako.  i am the world's most bankable best actress LOL

basta  kanina, i just needed somebody else's voice other than mine ... the one's  speakin' in my head ... the one's that hurt so bad.

thank you for being my prozac this morning.  you know i love you, the way i always do, though not exactly, the way you wanted me to.  am sure you feel better, am sure you get my point now ... you never had me, but you never lost me. isn't  that wonderful.


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