... my other garden ;)

About Me

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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

definitely, not one of the fatalities


***from Rache, No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane :)




you'll be criticized.
you'll be questioned.
people won't like what you stand up for.
some will follow.
most won't.
others won't get you.
some will.
many will avoid you.
you might make people uncomfortable.
some, you will inspire.
most will move on.

buy hey.
a life isn't worth living if there is no passion.

find it. and don't be afraid.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I (always) go back to today last year ...

I woke up choking, consecutively for ...
It got Sophie worried.
Mornings I woke up, my eyes swollen.
She asked why.
"Kinagat ng ipis," sabi ko.
(what a lame excuse, Im under-estimating my daughter's intelligence :) ).

I thought it was hormonal.  Me and my bad period.
Or must be the moon.  The equinox of autumn.

I went to YM, and read back.  We had our fears but we were so happy.  I was so happy.  Those threads, they (still) feel like honey-glazed knives.

This week, last year.  We broke up.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

dreamland


Was that my Near Death?  Or was that me in astral projection J?  Or simply my rare REM moment?  It was so complex this morning.  That it actually had three parts and a scenario.  And yeah this morning, you heard it right … coz I have been tossing myself to sleep for the last 3 days, twas as if I just sniffed kilos of methamphetamine hydrochloride LOL …

Part I

A phone call.  That same old happy voice.  That same old one I used to hear when we used to talk some time ago.

(somewhere in between Parts 1 and Part 2 was what I thought my OBE J … minds like mine plagues by all these weird thoughts J )

Part II

Horror pic.  I wanted to pee but the toilet was outside and communal.  The doors were locked but unstable J … damn … why are doors always wobbly in horror stories LOL

 Part III

After sex and pregnancy.  You wouldn’t let go.  So I chose to walk away.

Scene IV

Bum moments with Dognuts, you know one of those afternoon me and my friends just wasting times, drinking beer, dressed down, bodies all over the room, talking about practically anything under the sun, laughing until we cry, before real tears come settling down.

I was sitting on my wooden chair (the one I’m using now, so may be the venue was my tiny lavender room).  This song was playing.  I was holding my chin, shaking my head, my good friend Arnold approached me, and gave me a big big hug.  I said softly, “fantastic.”




fantastic!
Hey diddle diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle,
The Cow jumped over the moon,
The little Dog laughed to see such sport,

And the Dish ran away with the Spoon.

It’s not easy to forgive myself for such poor judgment for how can a woman of my intelligence believed a story like that?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

boiling chili chocolate is not just water :)

I.

"The kitchen is a place of remembered magic. What are spells,
if not womankind's oldest recipes? What is a cauldron but a pot
for witches' bouillabaisse? Snow White's stepmother was Apple
Annie with a grudge, and Macbeth's Weird Sisters were the soup-
chefs of Destiny. If a woman's place is at the stove, then it is there
she spent millenniums perfecting her potions. She let her power
simmer over a low flame; then she served up the concoction, a
work of art from the hearth, to charm those who would love her
and poison those who would enslave her”.

II.

I've always pimped my cocina with colorful things, tiny creatures and scented candles. It was another mystical place in my house that I never got to use in my 41 years until he made me cook like no one else did.  "Pinakbet" was my first attempt.  He requested for it because it is his favorite vegetable stew.  Pinakebbet is an Ilocano word which means "to shrivel" or "dry up".  So there, one sweet morning, he woke up in America from the scent of a Filipino kitchen, a Kabitenya's version of an Ilocano hot dish ;)

III.

"... humans are born with a certain amount of passion or a certain amount of matches in a matchbox. To achieve happiness one must light up their matches one by one, little by little, until they have reached the totality of their potential bliss. However, these matches cannot be lit alone. They need a significant other, an oxygen that could keep their fire burning. If these matches are left alone throughout life, they will moisten and lose all feasibility to be lit. If this happens and at some point such a great passion is ignited that causes all the matches to light up all at once, then an uncontrollable fire will consume the soul, leaving it with no air to breathe, causing its earthly collapse and taking the soul to a luminous tunnel where an eternal life of love should take place. This is precisely what occurred to Pedro when he and Tita had sexual intercourse for the very first time. The ecstasy that he felt during climax was so powerful that he died and entered this luminous tunnel. Without him, Tita knew that she would never be able to light her candles again, thus, literally taking matches, eating them, and creating a fire of her own within her. She was successful in that she saw the bright tunnel and Pedro within it. They wrapped each other in a long embrace, again experiencing an amorous climax, and left together for the lost Eden. Never again would they be apart. They achieved their purpose in life: to find the soul mate with whom to integrate and run away with them to an infinite realm comprised of pure love.    The magic produced in Tita and Pedro’s consummation was one that created such a fire that it burned down the entire barn. All this passionate fire was held within them for a very long time and when at last it broke loose, it was inextinguishable."

IV.

The passion, the sexual tension, then sweet eventually, the consummation and irrepressible orgasm. This led me to my invention of blitzkrieg makin' love.     

V.

" ... melancholy teardrops.  Weeping was just the first symptom of a strange intoxication
-an acute attack of pain and frustration- that seized the guests
and scattered them across the patio and the grounds and in
the bathrooms, all of them wailing over their lost loves."

VI.

Agree.  Substituting one love for another is like using water in the mole sauce instead of chocolate.  The next think I know, Yo estaba hornear pastel chabela y enviarlo a Houston, Texas.


-The End-


*footnotes:  www.collegetermpapers.com ... the ones in even numbers were mine :)

Friday, October 12, 2012

Mikaela



""I used to do this on a weekly basis … some time ago, in the middle of chaos. Stuart Little’s silver lining. As there is always, it’s usually dusty after pitch black, and darker after dawn. How I’ve always scampered for shining moments no matter how blurry, the earthly, the mundane, no matter how cheap and shallow, really wonderful memories no matter how fleeting, even reluctant smiles, abrupt kindness, now firm resolutions, once not. 

In moments like this …
 … it’s harmless to try. 
… in random … 
… but purest of heart. 

Romani literature. So nakhlo? So zhal? Yertisar man, but honey, me voliv tu! 

HTML via photobucket. This netizen embracing technology, pinning, tweeting, goodreads ;) 

Photobucket accounts, public and private exhumed. LOL 

My self-declared new hobbies … shower 3x a day LOL and building my word factory. 

So far I have 2 newly re-defined words: Coping up (published here on September 24) and Pride (posted in FB and will be published here very soon) 

Loving my new blings from Oregon, Washington and NYC. Old blings resurrected --- txs to you Kuya William :) 

Got new set of palettes: Banana Boat, Baby Blue, Posh, First Date and above them all … New York Apple ;) 

My android beltin’ my playlist updates including the new soundtrack of my life (which I’m generously sharing with girl friends …)


 
Wednesday Adam is my latest fascination, next to Emily The Strange :))

Ohhh and Jomat’s 43 this month like many of us Dognuts. And Tita Jing was home, that was more than enough.

Moving on to month 2, I’m up on my toes, giving free hugs, selling “Try Smile”. :)

I am so overwhelmed with my newborn nephew, Timo. I’m all over him smothering like I’m his mother LOL . I have this thing with babies lately, and inspired to write this blurb --- trying my hands on romance and gastronomy … after I saw this lovely cake and my good friend Arnold calling me with strange name.

A good friend just called me clucky. An Aussie informal of woman's wishful craving thoughts . So then I thought i heard cranky instead :) ♥♥♥ Mikaela ~ that was the name he wanted to give her. I conceded. :) ... and this one ~ has the flavors of apricots and limes, frosted with a meringue icing ... baking like water for chocolate. piXie, that would have been her nickname. I would love to call her that.""

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

lazy bones

""
"A September posting in Facebook. A shared photo from Wisdom. Me and my gift of gab :). Me and my (eccentric) but very sincere opinions. My angsts. My pains. My own best way of coming to terms.

  "I'm the one with the bad record. Always the first one and irreversible. That fierce ... that cruel. Your fall out girl. So you asked, if I was to fall out of love from you, too. By now you know, you're an exception to that rule …. I don’t think i'll ever fall out with you. It didn’t happen 3 decades I go, I don’t think I have another 3 decades left to live and unlove you. So its not about falling in or falling out. Its all about the refill. Trusting again. ( but you most likely don't need that from me right now, you've got nuff replenishment on your side ... Happy trails.)" 

... i guess, this explains my current growing appreciation of Tweeter. Those tiny words of gargantuan meanings.I'm beginning to enjoy re-tweeting as much as I enjoy pinning these days of lazy October. See those little footprints, do follow a piXie alrightie :) "
"

""
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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Garbage Truck Theory

""Many people are like garbage trucks.... They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't." ~~~ The Garbage Truck Theory.. borrowed from Follow Your Heart.. ~~~ and re-posted from Ms. Vidrine's notes in FB:

 http://www.facebook.com/notes/bren-vidrine/the-garbage-truck-theory/10150872186933937

 Ms. Vidrine, a visitor of Destine Schatzi :) I remember myself ... being famous either as a doormat or a full service dumspter. (jusz re-posting and trying to say something :) ... I know I promise God Id be a sweet nice girl this week ... so don't sweat. A writer writes what she's got to write that's all.)""

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