classmates

Finally, after months of drooling and planning. Last night, I successfully excused myself from OT work, a few hours of waiting while getting myself busy updating FB, a little time for budgeting, we finally, finally made it. With less than 45 minutes before closing, we got there JIT. She hurriedly splurged on the paper products, while I openly critiqued practically everything that was in it. I adored the topiaries but nahhh, not in my budget. I salivated on the lovely wall clock pieces. She ended up with a huge brown plastic bag. I got a tiny stick rag doll, two adorable wooden magnets for my fridge and a little pot of sunflower for my bath. We made the sales clerks and security extend their time. Twa's one hell of fun. She promised to come back month after month. I swore, am getting at least a foliage of orange flowers for my dining table and that girly time piece for my lavender bedroom wall next time, some time, some other time.

We said our goodbyes and immediately took the next door. Loved the pasta, white and red, a round of baked potato, and bottomless iced tea. I was hoping to find Abigoy pieces. Sadly, there was no on-going exhibit that night. Her cell was restless. We panicked. Paid the bill. And went straight to our final destination for a few bottles of lyte beer ... quick.

Marriage, relationship, Venus and Mars. Jealousy for never being a reasonable crime. Her growing anxieties. My uncontrollable fears. Being alone is unknown to her. "Alonenesz" being my comfort zone. Her wanting to stay taken. My reluctance to be swept away. The other table was trying to be too cute to get an attention. Demmet! I was too busy searching for my old flip top phone which I thought I left in my work desk.

"Irmz, you're hopelesz. He's cute, huh and he jusz wanted a number. Tsaka, you're both wearing black tops tonight. That could be a sign :)"

So that was the cue. I grabbed our stuff. And grabbed a cab. "You know, I have an early meeting tomorrow morning, and a suitcase to fill for Dagupan. And BTW, I dropped my old phone inside my jungle :) bag. Jen, am good to go. Mwah."

... and this piece was playing. "Gee, I was jusz worth a few lines from a song."

Mozaic

Fighting the clouds and winning it.

A 747 is God’s gift to tired, nerve-wrecked flyers, suspended on air, at the start of descent and in the middle of a visible mass of droplets of water. We left sunshine, and we got welcomed with a big splash. It took me almost two hours just to pass through the Manila-Cavite Expressway. I was getting impatient. So I started browsing Chocolat, while playing Ms Alicia Key’s song to Nana, my monthly cramps is creeping on me like wild scorpions, my bladder angrily waiting to explode, and my poor lungs collapsin’ as my cough worsened over the weekend. Gee, I misz my little darlin’, my little house, my little bed, and everything else in my sweet little life :)

If there was any consolation … I came face to face with my crescent moon and star at Pip R Pip :) … which I traded for a real eye-candy pair of aquamarine swarovski, shirts galore with Sophie’s Little Miss Sunshine, and a real bargain, my sexxxXyyyy mini Tees dressed in salad ;)

And why not, a 3-day bonding with Yangers :)

August blush

One down, last one to go. I love events like that … it’s like taking my much needed, long over-due vacation :) …next weekend is it. North bound, and hoping August is gonna be better. And better means less of work, and more time for moi, my girl, my friends … like that Papemel visit with Jen, Café Juanita with Bok while we tinker with that video she took … hip-hoppin’ eres tu ;) … MyPiayaya some time now … Nat and Pong one round, and yeah who knows that one, too … sniffin’ college ;) … and a serious pep talk between the prodigal pasyente and her internist :(


On higher grounds

Internet’s back :) !
(I can resume my Friendster migration … finally. I jusz hate my regular viewers there … flaunting their wedding cake, their wedding favors, wedding gowns, etc etc … sometimes it makes me wonder … they may be seriously considering inviting me ... for me to deserve all the attention and the updates … I jusz wonder …)


Birthdays, Homecomings and Curtain Calls

Chenggay’s sweet lil Rina’s first b-day bash. I politely, with sadness, declined the invitation. Cebu and the kiddie party all in the same day :( … too bad, dami pa naman naming baon na chika ni Ateng Chenggay. Hayyyy miszin Chenggay …

Life’s lessons … always the best gift. Wishing my Tita a really genuine happy birthday.

And some quickie message posted on her FB wall.
Irma S. Vanta: Hi Kapuso, happy birthday! mwahhhh
2 hours ago · Comment · LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-Wall

Doris Gacho: Thank you! 28 na ako. 20 years ago. He he.
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Me: ‎.... hummm so that makes me ... hehe ... misyah Dors and the rest of CITEM ... i mean some CITEM ... errrr I think a few CITEM hahahah
24 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·

Got a call on my way home today. I almost hung up thinking it was one of those nasty prank calls … cousz Eric’s home at ginu-good time ako. I scampered for a calendar, trying to fix my schedule. I’ll try to get cousz Carrots, Tita and the boys. It looks impossible at this time. Half of next week is practically wasted … I’ll be on the road again. Hayyyy ….

I learned of Uncle John’s passing. This generation’s going :( … the sad truth about life. As a journey ends, I remember, faces of little children, off the streets, now all grown, writing their own pages. It wasn’t perfect. But it’s better than bad. Thank you Uncle John.

Freaky Friday

24/7. (Do you ever sleep?)

Hey somebody homegrown’s searching for someone’s Multiply, and landed on my map!

Scary.

The first half of this year ...

For all my electronic mails, I use GMA's and gmail. The latter, I decided on jusz this year. Perhaps a premonition of things to come. The witch in me, I guess. :)

So I don't come to yahoo to check my emails. My closest of kith and kin know that. All my three yahoos :(. I don't go there. I don't use updates. Am pretty safe.

I grew tired of Yahoo Profile, Yahoo Pulse now. My last update was early this year. Or may be I can put it this way, I am growing fonder of my new home for my online journal ... here :) ... Yahoo Profile to me has become too lazy, lousy. I am only connected to four of my friends in YP. Not much of a network really. We're all active in FB anyway. A lovelier garden :)

And YM ... I was told that my original addy was deleted from the list a long time ago. And maybelle, stealthed, since 2008, that's confirmed. I was written off after I bravely lambasted his girl, Hali, in one of my stats. I was sorry for calling them pigs and dogs. But I meant what I said, I ain't taking anything back. One year forward, I was proven right, Hali's true colors, and all his consents to that.

I still go online, from time to time, depending on my mood, depending on who's online. I use either of the three, irma, maybelle, lillad ... And when I do, most likely I am invincible, errrrr .... invisible, and my useful, one-way mirror ;)

Extremist ... I either hit the bed early or leave it until my power box explodes :)

Technically, I am behind iron curtains. What my friends have seen and read, confirmed or otherwise. It will hang like a scythe above me, ready and waiting to chop my neck, and make my head roll. And even if it does, I ain't looking up anymore, only to see, in its full glory, the blades that will hit my face.

People miss me there. My friends.
But there are other playgrounds. We see each other there. My friends. People who miss me there.
So I won't let it happen again, for the nth ...

I cut. I bleed.

You watch.

I die.

You turn away.

Bucket List

HAPPi

Happy clients. From Park Mall Cebu to SM MOA One more to go this weekend. My body’s giving in … salamat naman sa Bioflu.

Happy me with CITEM friends. Inah’s first VTR Nagpaka-stage Tita kami ni Abi hehe. I told mawe, please ask family and friends to vote for Janina Cruz @ www/facebook/takecaregarnier

It was such relief to be in the company of good old friends especially when you're drowning in the depths of boredom. I treated them for lunch at Almon Marina, as promised that Friday during my set-up … me easily convincing them for the VTR the next day. Jusz when we were almost done, dumating si Faye naka-uniform, alaskasdo syempre. And what do you know, may bitbit si Faye, napulot nya daw on the way to Almon. …. Si gandang Ronnie De Gracia. Lumaki gastos ko pero I had a great time naman. I remember “Reuben salad”, and Faye’s warning on how it could be poisonous … we took it as a joke, and dismissed it just as that. I was so happy to see Ron again, all volted in, and in rampa mode :)

Today, while nursing a bad cold, may nag-text ... "check your gmail ... basta. alam ko naman na kahit sa pictures lang masaya ka na." ... mare-kong-Thermites ... 5 baby pix from TGA despededida :)

CONSiSTENT

I was a Mall rat for more than 24 hours :) … my hands were full with work, friends and what do you know …

“I am proud of myself for allowing new/not-so-new people in my life to show to me how much they care about me, and how special I am to them. Just when I thought, I was both too scared and cynical, as a rule, people who treats me nicely, deserves the same from me. I know that I am not a bad person, I am just very very careful now.

If you find me worthy of the love and attention, well, because I am worth it ;). I have said it many times, I am lovable but I’m not easy. I don’t want to say “diffiult” anymore. Let's jusz say, I come with a price. And some ordinary people can’t afford it.

It was such a sweet thing to do. But for now, my response is. “Thank you” with the famous smiley icon. :)

after the STORM

if there was any consolation … the queue was short, and there was plenty of air to breathe in MRT … I’ve got wider options on which bus to take … No traffic …. the wind and raindrops hitting my face …. Less airconditioning, me and Soph in sweet embrace …The beauty of pre- and post-Basyang.

My internet is still down. Repair sked is by end of this week. Am catching up with Chocolat. And getting decent sleep.

I’ve got a newly-polished toes in yummm blueberry :) getting comfy on my new pair of butterfly flips. And finding myself again busy filling up my suitcase for another weekend in Cebu.

So today and the next couple of days, I have more time watching our TV shows :), and me lovin' the company of John Mayer, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.

I remember my own Bucket List I made up last year. Not that my days are numbered, I got a bit of encouragement from PamPam's ... I feel its always good to measure up to something ... some things you've got to believe in ...

That was April 2009, 3 months before yahoo 360's curtain call, same 3 months before MyPiayaya got me into blogspot ...

I grew a bit envious of my friend who posted the 10 things she wanted to do before she dies. I realized, the things we rush ourselves to achieve later in life depend on what we missed doing while wasting time. That's kinda sad, don't you think?

Twilight years should be left enjoying the sun when it rises and folds up ... picking the cherries, running barefoot on wet grass, trying to catch butterflies, smelling the flowers, dancing in the rain, pep talk with God ...

Time is so cunning ... it passes you by so quickly. Time has no mercy .... you can't plea and turn it back.

So now i have to measure up with my list huh :

1. Raise my kid/s (plural makes it positive hahaha) to become responsible citizens. Nurturing, firm, independent, spiritual.

2. Keep the friends am keeping. ( And they’re not too many really.) (I believe you have to drop some of 'em as you grow old ... separating diamonds from the pebbles.)

3. Make a guitar weep.

4. Retire and start a new career as a full time partner, mommy.

5. Continue writing, and eventually publish, Sagging Breasts ;)

6. Build my brick house n Tagaytay City. The one with purple, pink and baby blue rooms. With all my favorite things and favorite people surrounding me. Colorful chimes. A silent sanctuary for all my books. Still that potting wheel to get wet and dirty :). And that choc’late fountain with chili sprinkles and red st’awberries. An old fashioned bath tub. Big French windows stretching from floor to ceiling. Natural light and fresh air. A butterfly garden with sunflower, orange roses and tulips.

7. I have long accepted my misgivings. I’ll make amends with Dennis. He was a really good, good friend before the falling out.

8. My GreatLastOne. And a baby boy with him.

9. Am not sure if I really wanna be an nonagenarian (or should I say, am not sure if i have the longevity). But am sure i wanna be a lovely, groovy, witty, hot granny hahahah

10. A monument of love. Lie peacefully with mama, lola taba and lolo tatay.

(a short side comment: i actually compared my top 10 from my friend's list below. am jealous of her list. they were so easy. you can do all them in 24 hours. One day is even too much if you actually allot 2 hours per goal.

mine, might take two lifetimes or more) ... :( ... here's hers:

1. Tell my parents and siblings I love them several times a day.
2. Find my soul mate.
3. Sing in front of a huge crowd.
4. Kiss in the rain.
5. Smoke pot and drink as much as I want.
6. Say what I’m thinking.
7. Make love with a complete stranger and see what it’s like.
8. Make someone fall in love with me.
9. Make peace with all people I had fallen out with.
10. Shave my hair bald and get an awesome tattoo.

..or better yet i will drive a plymouth roadrunner muscle car at top speed on the highway so i die happy.

I am a Velveteen Rabbit myself :)

I wasn't singing this when I was twenny three. I was too young, I didn't know the world ... I was jusz explorin' it.

Seventeen years after ... when I have tried everything ... God tell me, is it wrong to search?

Scarcely I did. Reluctantly I did. I wasn't even aware that I did.

I searched and I was wrong, and wronged ...

So after then, I chose to be steady ...

So may be then ... that time ... I was dressed with cotton and thread ...

... and so a few years back, I wanted something more ... of this life ... of myself ...

... and so even when I was mistaken ... i do still crave ...

... this gYpsy life, this fairy tale, black or white to find ...

... Real. I jusz thought, and hoped, that Baby, it was you. With you.

"Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real."

ALCHEMY

... some 4 years ago I got this in my email ... I took it as a "NO!". No misinterpretations. He was right, and as wise as Mr. Coelho.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

...a few hours ago, reading A Little Tale from Nino, posted August last year at paulocoelhoblog.com, classified under The Most Beautiful Story :)

Once upon a time all human senses gathered together.
Madness said: let’s play hide and seek… and they started playing it.
The truth did not hide saying they will find me anyway,
The Lie hid on the rainbow,
The Reality hid in the ocean,
The Laziness hid in the closest place,
The Freedom hid upon the breeze,
The Kindness was letting the places to others for a long time,
the Faith hid in the sky,
all the places were the love went were engaged…soon it found a beautiful rose bush and hid there.

The madness started seeking the hidden senses, it found all of them except The Love… soon it moved aside the rose bush and heard a scream…It seemed that Love had cut its eyes out on thorns and gone blind.

Since then the Madness is carrying the blind love hand-in-hand.