Trying to be Marcelo (Round Two and more)

Akala ko kasi yun pala hindi.

Wala ng sasakit pa sa lokohin ka ng taong mahal mo,.  Lahat ng paliwanag ibibigay mo sa sarjli mo,  pipiliting mong paniwalain ang sarili mo.  Pabalik baliktarin mo man, paikut-ikutin mo man... babalik din  sa isang katotohanan. Yung inaasahan mo, yung pjnanghahawakan mo na mahal ka.  Eh hindi naman pala.

Yung pabablik ka sa isang lugar na walang katuturan.  May bangko na pang dalawahan.  Pero nakaupo ka mag-isa.  Lilingon ka para sa mga yapak, na isang pares lang pala naman. Naglakad ka papunta sa isang destinasyon, na wala din naman ... at bumalik ka ... sa isang lugar na mag-isa.

***

So I was asked about those nights ...  those that were happy, promising, hot and dirty.  It seemed like we got potential huh LOL  

I replied, "too much alcohol".  Remembering how I felt then, big words, how I said 'em and meant 'em regardless of the many questions in my head and all the consequences I thought I was imagining.  I fought my doubts like a soldier that was never hurt.  It was a cliffhanger, and all that I saw was the face of my savior  down the ravine and just before I felt the rocks on my face.  I jumped to my death that day, you know.  And all the beautiful imaginings of what I thought and what could have been died with me.

Big words.  I took 'em like they meant somethin' ... like it was immaculately clean ... and pure ... sincere .... for real.  Regardless of all the wild questions in my head.  So i thought, it that was war and we were in the frontline, I was clenching my fist, you were clenching yours.  We were fighting together, so I believed.

And then there were shattered pieces of things important.  I played dangerously, and made a chain like they were diamonds that I wear around my neck.  Everyday I lick the blood from a wound that's always fresh.

I was in the middle of a well beaten path, beneath crescent moons, a blanket of stars and the sound of fireflies. That was a happy road I was taking.  But you came from nowhere. It was head-on.  That was all that was left.  A heavy empty space.  Pitch black, bloodshot.  And the screeching sound of you hurrying away

Those nights, I was too drunk and I was driving too fast. My bad.

Parenting 101: The Sixth Commandment

This was one Sunday service I was sorry my daughter missed.  :(  So I had to attend the service all by myself.  This posting was even long overdue but it is so important and meaningful, enlightening and moving that it must be shared.  Simple truths, simple explanations that even a 6 year old child and a nonagenarian parent will understand and appreciate.

My daughter, Sophie, is 18 years old.  I must admit, it was really easier between us when she was a little girl, even during that time she was passing through early adolescence but now that she's in her late adolescence and in her junior year in the university, she keeps her own activities and schedule, enjoys the company of her friends, travels, and is more capable to make choices for herself  --- it's getting difficult.  Knowing we come from different perspectives --- parent's side, child's side.

In general, I am level headed with my relationships.  I always try to keep an open mind.  I can be negotiable but there are important things I hold sacred, those I cannot compromise.

At home,  the hierarchy of authority is clear. House rules are framed out in good faith.   Some of these rules are implemented strictly, some with flexibility. While there are no fast and hard rules in life, having a structure either spare us from the chaos or soften the chaos for us.    I, for one, do not want to be tortured  going through these rules by the book.  I've always believed in open communication.  When my daughter was 3 years old, she was allowed to "butt in" during an adult conversation,  I mean, when we let her stay with us (otherwise, we could have been more discreet) while we're having coffee or during meal time or watching TV, doing the dishes, and she hears us talking about certain matters that gets her attention and she has an opinion (well, toddlers have opinions, too c'mon :) )  --- she's allowed to say it openly, politely.  She will raise her tiny, wobbly arm, and say "Mom, Dad or Lola can I say something?"  And usually that curiosity comes out as a question :-) ... We raised her that way... she grew up that way ... it became more and more challenging as she grew older.  Tougher now that she's 18.  Sometimes, what she's got to say and how she says them, is no longer cute.  Could be intimidating, could be irritating.  LOL ---  can't complaint tho, we made her that way.  Makes me proud that she speaks her mind.  I am sure that as she matures, her judgment will get better --- knowing what to say and when and how to say them.

To honor is to obey.  This is the summary of parent and child relationship.  This embodies the lifelong bond between these two parties.  If this formula will not be the nature of this relationship, it will be a lifelong chaos, as well.

I believe that the first lesson we have to teach our children is about obedience as a form of honoring their parents.  May be as little children, it is obedience perse, and as they grow up, we should be able to connect obedience to honoring parents, respecting them, loving them, caring for them.  Pastor Peter was right when he said, the sixth commandment of God is foundational to parenting and submission to authority.

I am sharing the video that was shown that Sunday for every parent and child's appreciation.  This is not too "bible" heavy.  It is very practical, very day-to-day.  The first time I've seen this I got a clearer understanding (clearer meaning less combatant hehe) of my role as a parent in my child's life, and how I can actually improve her point of view on obedience and why there is such a thing.

I took down notes, and here are some salient points from the presentation:

1)  How you treat you parent will impact all your relationships. Again, this is foundational,
2)  Honoring is a decision, not a feeling.  To treat parents with respect and courtesy is a DECISION,  To provide care and seek their best interest is a DECISION.  A decision is a CONSCIOUS CHOICE.
3)  Rules are good.  Authority is good,    It sets order and harmony.
4)  To honor thy parents is a command.  A foundational instruction from God,  It is God's design.  And He designed this for our own good.  There is no question about this.  This is not debatable.
5)  To honor thy parents comes with a promise, an incentive, a blessing ... that life will be long and it will be well with you.
6)  Honor ALL parents ALL the time.  Parents who are irresponsible, abusive, lazy, alcoholics, uneducated, impoverished,  crack addicts, gamblers, prostitutes, criminals.  At most difficult and trying times.  Honor, still,
7)  Parents and their imperfections, whether by circumstance or by choice, let us forgive them so we can honor them.  It is tantamount to say that first we forgive, then we honor,
8)  All parents has got to teach their children about this Commandment.  This is huge, alright,  It means how good or bad, far or short this is gonna go, the weight is on our shoulders.  Later in life, its either gold or blood in our hands.  Children will not learn this until we teach them why and how,  This is a struggle.  Brace ourselves,  we are up to high tension arguments, resistance, cold wars.  This could be a play of power especially when our children our grown.  That's why, it is important that we teach them.  We teach 'em, we show 'em.  Going down to basic, showing our children what honor is all about, is still is the best way of teaching them.
9)The sixth commandment is the basic foundation for respect and submission to authority.  Authority structure includes Parents, husband, government, employer and church leaders.  So when we mess this all up at home, see the mess our kids make outside,
10)  Honor the position even when the person is not honorable.  These are two different things.  I have  my own demons about this :) ---  to give honor even when you think it's undeserved.  Sometimes its hard to swallow.  To set the record straight, 1 Peter 2:18 can best explain this.
11)  Parents be honorable.  Leaders/Managers be honorable.  To the words of Pastor Peter Tan-Chi, make it easy for children/constituents/subordinates to obey and to respect.   In this witch' vocabulary, let's not give honor a bad name or make it sound like a bad thing.
12)  The best way to honor your parents is to live a righteous life, to live with integrity. When we are not, it reflects badly on our parents.  When we are disrespectful, loud, dishonest, insincere, lazy, mean,  boastful, selfish, abusive, indiscreet, corrupt, bigots,  ... when we cheat, steal, lie, gossip, cut class, do drugs, smoke, drink,  disobey --- all these we subject our parents to great shame and deep pain.
13)  Pray for our parents. Only God can change a heart.  Parents cannot change their children.  And vice versa.



My take on this:

First we forgive.  Parents are not God.  They are not upright all the time or even not a single time. They make mistakes, they have wicked ways.  Only when we accept this reality and forgive them for their weaknesses, we can start working on "honoring" them.

We forgive, we honor, we obey, we love, we care.    This is a foundational structure designed by God to make life easier, better for us.  This is the  blueprint.   The operative word is to obey.  The command is to honor.  This is the equation,

I tell my daughter emphatically that she has to obey her parents even when she thinks its contrary to what she understands and what she wants or what is popular.  God's premise is that  parents know better.  Parents mean well.  They will always have the best interest of their children.  Children obey when you are told to give priority to your education, to read books, to go to church, to save your allowances, to act like a lady or a gentleman, to care for other people, to care for mother earth, to choose positive influences and role models, to say no to vices, keep yourself pure, take care of your health, eat veggies, be careful in crossing the street, avoid too much partying and staying up late out in the streets, etc etc

When I instruct my daughter about something I feel very strongly about, and the results may still be unknown, unpredictable, just mere plans and targets and wishes and dreams, she's got to take my word for that.  She is free to express her thoughts and her fears, but if  it is something really heavy and serious, I am not changing my stand as a mother.   For example, having a boyfriend or accepting suitors while still studying or trying on alcohol cigarettes or drugs or choosing her friends.   She definitely felt like I was obstructing her happiness, her freedom to express herself.  But I have put my foot down.  I ain't movin.  She has to obey,  Period.  I mean, as a parent, I don't think I need to explain myself here.

True, that's not cool for an 18 year old teenager.  But that's all she's got to lose versus the consequences of disobedience.  Dear child, obey even when it hurts,  That kind of  pain is manageable anyway.  Think about the pain of disobedience, the damages can be irreversible and lingering.  Think about it.

While to honor and be honorable are two different things all together, it also tells us parents and leaders and all those in authority that upon our shoulders we carry a huge responsibility.  People depend on us, let's try our best to practice good judgment.  Our conscience will tell us.    I know it's hard to be upright but just think about the lives that we affect.  We are accountable for them.  We are all children.  But not all are parents.  I hope we see this as a gift .

Listening through this preaching, strengthened my belief,   that there is no such thing as false obedience.  Obedience is a moral virtue.  It's never wrong.  But, yes,  there are dishonorable people who distorts the truth, the good and the beautiful  :), these could be parents, leaders, managers, people at the helm, people in authority.  As the scripture says, we respect the position, we respect the institution even if the person who holds it is not honorable.

Obedience is God's invention.  Thus, it is always good,  It is NEVER a negative but ALWAYS a positive trait.

Whewwww this grew very long, I hope I did not bore you.  But this is a subject really close to my heart.  It's not easy to raise a teenager, in this world, at this time.  I'm feeling the heat. ;-)

In closing, I want to share my SMS thread with my daughter.  She was in her Social Anthropology study group workin' on a paper or somethin'.  And mommy as usual was in a middle of a meeting.  I always get phone in questions from her with her homework, thesis, something, you know, I don't mind.  Better get straight from me than from elsewhere.  It's in my job description anyway. :-)

Sophie:  Should children be obligated to care for their parents during their old age and/or to help send their siblings to school?  Why?

Mommy:    Yes.  Because it's the right thing to do.   To be of help and to show compassion to people who needs them especially if its your family.**

**haha i hope i didn't sound self-serving with my answer.  I think I nailed it like I was about to win  the Miss Universe crown for an excellent Q & A lol

What the Ef, Tuesday?!

Mercury retrograde or something?  I keep forgetting things today like my generously loaded beep card  ,,, my  ever reliable blue fan ... this big bag lady's bag holder ... my working desk'sa mess the whole day because of that arrggg ...  and and i keep missing my medsssss hayyy ... and this  one's really funny ... i'm currently running on a single journey ticket ---->>  on a full route, damn!

I got home in one piece, and realized I have been wearing mismatched earrings the whole effin time in the office LOL

Witch on Skype*

Suzi's fault,  She said I needed this,  So here ... excited already ;-)

*thanks to my daughter for setting this up for mommy  xoxo

Health Buffy-ish

Okay, what`s gotten into me,    Like caving in to my cravings, making myself well, some "witchcraft" and my daughter's travel job interview, Visa preps and itinerary.

Aside from my own self-centered vanity, my current obsession on healthier options, lyke anything natural and "organic".  I used to ignore my ex-boss, lifelong friend and mentor, RTK's lecture on this, during (extended) lunch breaks, CITEM days.  I was in Chicago one time and hands down, I chose Victoria Secret over "organic stores".  Only to find myself now relentlessly searching for organic hair shampoos and conditioners, body scrubs, facial soaps, laundry and kitchen cleaning products, and yes, even our daily staples (lemon water and okra water, brown or black rice, preferably black --- highly recommended by my younger cousz Lem) and food supplements (Usana's Essentials, Active Calcium, Proflavano alternatively with Hepacil),  This "infatuation" I share with one of my office babies, our pretty muse, Joshue.

So what's in my "health buff" stash these days ...

1)  An additional step to my "hands on" processes LOL, ---- dry brushing.  I got myself  that long body brush with soft bristles from Watsons @P75 bucks only (at the Beauty Bar with a little name on it ,,, its almost P500 so must say I got myself a good deal here hehe),    When I was still researching about this/convincing myself about dry body brush ups ... they say body brushes got to be long and wooden with some natural bristles but the thing is wood and water can be slimy later in the day :) so I opted for a brush with long plastic handle with soft bristles,  After using it, I use a baby shampoo for cleaning,

2) Milk Bath Soap from Ilog Maria (http://www.ilogmaria.com).  Well, I've tried everything from Aveeno Skin Relief Body Wash to Eucerin Calming Body Wash to deal with psoriasis, a skin condition which i suffer from since I was a child, and my skin getting more and more sensitive as I age (also because, my immune system getting weaker each time.  So it was indeed a blessing to come across Ilog Maria (an organic, "honey-based" shop in Silang, Cavite (next town after my town actually).  I used to buy stuff from Ilog Maria only for vanity reasons not until I got to know more (and try) their products.  Ilog Maria does not mass produce but you can buy online.  As such, it takes a little planning (logistics and financial) to make sure I have enough supply of bath salt (and now all their other soaps for me and my daughter) in my closet,  And oh, it comes with lavander oil, it's a bonus.

3)   Dilmah Blueberry Tea.  Not being a tea-drinker, the only flavor i like was peppermint.  Now, peppermint comes second to tadahhhh blueberry,  It was jusz out of curiosity when I decided to try it from Auntie Anne's (my daughter's and mine, too ... fave pretzel foodie resto),  It sells a whooping P70 bucks for a teeny weeny tea bag.  Thank God, I loved it.  Since, it's not being sold in local supermarkets (not even in Rustans huhu) and online shops, I persistently searched for a supplier/distributor of Dilmah Tea in the Philippines,  I came across Equilibrium Intertrade Corporation (http://www.equilibrium.com.ph/), the only who carries Dilmah products (originally from Bangladesh, this blueberry flavoured tea is from Dilmah's fun tea selection).  Dilmah sales staff are really nice people but but but they are yet to establish their processes for retailing online so I painstakingly have to make arrangements just to pick up a box of blueberry tea,  And I just couldn't get it from Metro Manila ... so it's such an angel of Ms. Melmie ... she got my Dilmah from tadahhhhh Equilibrium Intertrade Baguio City!!!! Such an effort huh a box of teafied blueberries,  But baby, it's worth it ;-)

In case you've missed it, let it be known the many wonderful benefits of tea, please visit ....  http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/04/13-reasons-to-love-tea/

4) DIYS,  Can't get anough of them,  They're all over me.  Pinterest my pimp LOL!  I have a hefty 534 pins of them @   https://www.pinterest.com/lovelace1970/home-improvements/

You open my cupboard, you'll find ACVs, a big plastic bottle of white vinegar, boxes of baking soda, coffee grounds, old and unused tea bags ... my latest additions would be pollident tablets to clean the toilet, hydrogen peroxide for stained toe nails, eucalyptus for the garden and bath, and extra strength chili spray to repel flies (I have a separate entry on my chili fly spray, check it out ---------------->>>>>>>>>> http://thiscrazybeautiful.blogspot.com/2015/10/diy-chili-fly-spray.html

Damn, I'm crazy over DIYS.

It's either brown or black rice for me these days

my blueberry, my tea, my Dilmah

this now, is my regular shampoo, I'm trying Avalon next 

my daily body soap 

my body brush 

in my laundrymat 

my extras strength DIY Chili Fly Spray 

"The hat makes the Witch!" *

For this Me Witch Collage, thanks to
Ms. Pringgadhani of https://www.facebook.com/crochetbympringgadhani/?fref=photo for this outrageously conical hat, and Greggy bae for styling me in this photoshoot hihihi

*paraphrasing Mr. Mark Twain