DENNIS TEXAS

Sabi ni Malu, Dallas, yun pala Katy.  Hay naku wrong info.  But she's your friend, not mine.  That figures.  I've always known your crew being bias.  That also explains my very miniscule respect (close to none at all) on them ... and why I cannot be friends with them.  It's gonna be new year 2 days from now,  i really hope they finally have the heart to GROW UP!  :-)

Doctor ka ba?  You making the rounds eh.  LOL  ... You have two little chikitings,  your hands are supposed to be full.  I honestly suggest that you concentrate on them.  Mga bata pa yang mga yan, they need your attention more than I do haha ...   Bantayan mo mga anak mo habang nasa hospital misis mo instead of snooping around, ok.  That's a friendly (unsolicited) advice.

Anyways, thanks  anyways.  For coming over time to time.  But I'm telling you your MESSING UP MY STATS here, I mean from Tamuning, Guam to Texas. And that freaks me out!   I am a blogger, and matalino ako, alam mo yan.  So I don't exist here as if i'm clueless of the things around me.    I don't need all the details.  Just one hint and that's it.  Jaded.  Marked for life. lol

So for visiting, thanks but no thanks.




***hey big shot!  dame dame namang gadgets, apples na androids pa.  Ikaw na!


lastly, must say, ang ampogi ni Kyle (he's not even 8) and ang pretty ni Alex (she's not even 4). Alagaan mo silang mabuti they're still babies wag kung saan saan naglilimayon ang isip!  Be well. As for me, I'm better off.  I like it that way.

The Dresden Files**

That’s what I’m saying, sometimes love happens brief and fast, when you are given that chance you take it  as genuinely  as it was given to you. Why take it for granted, when second chances are not guaranteed.    Mark served his time.  He waited and waited and waited until it was completely gone  without  turning back, no remorse, none at all.  Wasn't he the one who said I was good at shutting down and hardest to re-boot.  But Mark baby, you had your chance, and you blew it!  

But you are not Mark.  You are more than that.  You weren’t just one of the files.  Or like a stack of paper turned brown and orange with ink marks faded in oblivion.   

It came back that clear, that profound,  for it never left.  Old and bottled up.  Feelings.

You were lucky.   It was handed to you twice in a lifetime. 

But we all got married, didn’t we (except Mark ... so please get married, too baby ... its lonely at the bottomless pit and misery do loves company ;-)  )?  So yes we did, not necessarily because we wanted to, but we because we needed to.   We followed the rules, we met expectations,  and that was great ...  or at least, we got close to something we thought was…

And that  …   when everyone longs for it but not everyone gets it.  Why do have to send it away? 

**this was was actually part of "On Being Jenny" which i started writing early December.  one of my musings about trust being gone --- one man breaking it and one woman losing the ability to trust again --- my attempt to measure the degree of difficulty between the two ... or may be i was trying really hard to justify how i got worse over the years, unforgiving to myself, nursing my cold calloused heart, feigning trust and loving it.  

and so another Christmas ... and what I did very recently in twitter, and pinterest and in here (tho briefly) and Alice Blue (permanently), and then there was Elena Tonra's darkness and Gretchen Schmid's sadness, https://www.instagram.com/p/_xpuq-gXQc11fd1Ve_SLMmW9Zof6ZbnFzfQcc0/    .... just like before everything else falling into place ...

buti pa ang Addams Family, may values ;-) **

New Profile Pic comin' up this January --- under the mistletoe, by the old green tree :))

** that was actually a running joke amongst my crew.  so i said, mine was dysfunctional, maternal, paternal, ours ...  but nothing close to fraudulent ... but honest and sincere, even with the weaknesses and the threats.  i always say, i do not want anything perfectly manicured, when it comes to relationships there is no such thing as flawless.  i do not want the wounds to be plastered by something like a little slit just above your chin (AKA a smile???) ... i only wear faux pearls because I couldn't afford the real ones.    i prefer shots stolen than styled.  i do not follow a script, and let love and trust and all God given virtues flow as naturally it should be.  i do not long and demand for these otherwise id end up working too hard to earn 'em even when its scarce or inexsitent.   when it should be enjoyed like the air we breathe and the earth we stand on.  for the best things in life is free.

i am 45 going 46, i am certainly fascinated with fairy tales but i don't live in any of them.  1970 makes me a dog, i am loyal.  april 21, i am taurus, earth sign, makes me pragmatic.  my word is my honor.   dreamt, spoken and written.

nah, you can never understand what i write about, and how i write,  i'm too painfully truthful to be understood, and to be taken seriously by those who struggle with it.

Saturday, 26th of December,  The year was 2015.  i am doing this while deep cleaning my kitchen and getting sentimental about losing Dr. Henry Morgan.

actually this is a Christmas story :-)

Little Miss Chief

Okay, 'nuff said.  Must be the weather or that time of the month again when the Period Fairy goes  ballistic!

I know the effects so it gotta be short-lived. My goals are met.  My friend's home.  We've exchanged numbers (for the nth time).  Jeffie's  airconditioning is undergoing complete overhaul LOL--- the room's ready for me haha ... my friends they spoil me ;-) --- I said, I have asthma hindi ako pwede sa alikabok at sa walang aircon .  Our itinerary is done, paid vacation leaves have been filed.  We're all set for some vodka nights haha

Moving forward, I got myself thinking happy thoughts lyke this one.  Dameng tawa namin mag nanay sa picture nya nato.  I think she was barely 3 years old in this  photo, and we just moved in with my mother.  Ako na ang pinaka metikulosong nanay, better read as pinaka MAARTENG NANAY.  Ask my cousins, I'm  borderline obsessive compulsive in taking care of babies and toddlers LOL  

Si Sophie nakalusot yan dito eh ahahah ... kasi busy kami ni Mama mag arrange ng house tapos wala pang yaya.  I usually don't let her play outside without adult supervision.  C'mon she was only 3 ... and such a baby still.  Eh nakalusot nga, bagong ulan lang so medyo basa ang kalsada, the club house across our house was surrounded with puddles of mud here and there.  Busy kami ni Mama so akala ko naman she was just in one of the corners of the house, busy with her toys.  I had that Hello Kitty mat (HK original huh, you can only get that from Gift Gate huh,  hindi pa uso nun ang Class A ahahah) all laid down on the floor where she was suppose to do her thing.

When I realized she was not anywhere in the house, I called for her --- like I was practicing my lungs LOL --- then my attention got caught up with something else.  My mom and I we actually felt her sneaking in, without remorse, from the front door, laid down silently on the mat, and naughtily pretended she was sleeping.  See her eyes half close/open, her tiny bangs greasy, her tiny right foot stiff, and hahaha the traces of mud on her pink leggings.  My daughter smelling like a baby eagerly wanting to be a little girl.  

A lovely memory like this successfully flushes out all the negative energies.

Sophie mischief

Me, Roxanne, Train Rides

"You back Moms?"  That was actully a remark.  Her opening salvo.

We always take the couch with the strongest airconditioning sometimes it would be the 2nd from the front, South bound.  Tonight, a tiny window was left open, the wind was getting in.

"My best girl from HS's coming home from Sydney. I said. Dapat 2016 pa sila maguuwian along with our other friends from San Diego and Ontario.  But Mame's cancer stricken, stage 4 ...  so what's left of us will have a little reunion in our little hometown on Christmas week.  My friends, Facebook is  their preferred platform.  I said viber though.   But majority wins.    She'll be home by next week, we need to rush and file our paid vacation.

The other reason concerns my daughter's travel to the US next year, I want to know my options in getting a less expensive, safer carrier.   My way of getting at a more informed decision ;-) For these reasons, I needed to activate again.  I'm sure I'd be done with all these really soon.  So everything elses in everyone elses lives will go back to normal."

That was a long revalida huh.  But ain't she a bit interrogating.  Intriguing.  Malicious.  :)

Tapos?  That again was actually a remark. She can read me like a book you know.  I remember during our very first train ride together she bombardized me with all the personal questions that she got into her head,  I was caught of guard, but I'm a pretty bad liar. That was when we started becoming friends.

Moments like this ... its hard to catch my gaze.  I purposely  was looking far and away from hers.  Ang likot ng mata ko, ang hirap hulihin.

Para matapos lang, I took the courage to face her for a second.

I sighed,  i smiled or i smiled then i breathed long ...  i actually do not remember which came first.

But even before she could say anything, i turned my head away. Each time my voice breaks I know what happens next.

It was just the two of us on a small bench inside the second couch of a big, moving train.    She didn't insist but I know she heard what I said softly against the wind

"Sayang.  Akala ko kasi mahal nya din ako."