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| My dear Phiayaya's and Rommel's wedding, June 2011. There's my Dee, all smiles, with my anakish Mykee, a certified camwhore. :) |
Clearly, clearly I remember ...
My sweet Phia's and Omeng's wedding. Each
time, it reminds me of ...
My lavander gown was expensive. The makeover session was intricate
and expensive, too. Thanks to Dee and Mommy Rose for taking me in with
overwhelming enthusiasm.
Emotions were too much, just too much love going
on, coming around ...
The weather was cloudy. The streets rippled. It was
going to be stormy ... yet all of my closest of friends wore the sunniest
disposition as I was. Dee's smile was the sweetest. Neng's embrace
was so assuring. I was in cloud 9. It was such a perfect afternoon. The best time for a wedding.
On my way to the Roldans, I got an overseas text message, telling me
how much I’ve been missed.
***
I was cruising Roxas Blvd. this morning on
my way to UP Manila. Passing by my much
loved CITEM over a wide Thursday morning skies.
I remember only beautiful memories.
Just purely happy thoughts … knowing that I’m keeping old friendships,
my silent and “star studded” accomplishments and contributions, a recollection of a successful transition as a
small town yuppie steadily moving up the corporate ladder, a suitcase of travelogues. So I’ve got my name, in rough diamonds, etched
in one of those halls. My inner goddess
getting a round of applause from the witches, and bitches and my par excellence ITSED Team. Peace is so comforting.
I see Golden Shell’s rooftop.
And feel no grudges. I left as
planned and stayed away on purpose. Twasn’t a mean feat. It was a milestone considering
my steady history of keeping, nurturing, anchoring lifelong relationships with friends their families, classmates, schoolmates, officemates,
even exes and their families, too. May be
not the best, all the time, but I’m generally regarded really well, 'must say. I deserve some credit for that :)
But then again. I’ve made difficult decisions in life. Leaving, staying away and keeping it just as
that are one of those really hard ones I made ( I really hope I stop making
them as options J ).
Mark, yeah Mark, that Mark ... was right when he said how hard it was to re-boot me after I
shut down. But what better choice do I
have … all files corrupted, the systems gotta go.
Why restore when you can have a new lease on life.
The shut down only hurts in the beginning. Don’t we all get used to something each
time. It breaks us, but doesn’t kill us. The pain changes us but we don’t actually die
from it. It only
hurts for as long as it hurts. Then it
makes a full stop. Only God knows when. But it ends.
I swear to that.
***
Death is always a first time.
The memories of my dear
Phia’s afternoon wedding. The sleepless, happiest
weekend before that. My
intoxication from love. My reckless
imprudence. The price it cost
me. It wrenched my
soul. My baddest heart break,
it was. My second serving of mean feat.
I still couldn’t help but ask, whatever happened to all that love?
Everyone thought, but they're all wrong ... I'm not saying ... everything inside me is gone.
I have may be some years left. I'm going down with this. When everything else is rosy, but this one, I guess, I'm bringing this with me.
I have may be some years left. I'm going down with this. When everything else is rosy, but this one, I guess, I'm bringing this with me.
I haven’t forgiven
myself. I still
hurt. I love you still. You just don’t know.
