The WAVE

Day 1 Wednesday

(They asked for a dream trip.  I didn't say anything except  that this is something very personal.  I got myself spared for explaining. ...  but there's got to be a release somewhere ... and so in IG  ... 

(A one way dream ticket 30 years late and even if this was for real, it wouldn't change anything.  Even if i was 5 months early, November comes every year like it came in 2011.  I'd get slapped with the same ending. ... I would be homeless and will be hunted down by INS like a criminal.   I am an adulterer.  I seduced another woman's husband.    That makes me a criminal.  I deserve to be stoned to death.  Which I got.  I paid my dues.  All's even.   :) )  

                                   Day 2 Thursday

Makes me smile how a group of strangers and almost-friends regard me :)

They said draw.  And this is the best that I can do.  And this got me into trouble.  Bad drawing needs some decent explaining.  I tried to be modest ... so here,

Thumb (Strength).  Courage.                                                                                                                    

 If my country will be at war, I will take up a gun, and defend our sovereignty (whether I can shoot or not --- I will shoot!  For sure I will be bloodied, definitely those gunshot wounds will be fatal.  I will be dead.  I fought.).  In a situation of confusion and chaos, I will stand up, say my piece, and hopefully be part of a solution.  Chances are I will get shot (again).  But there are consequences, I get it.

I will leave.  I will explore.  I will take chances.   I will make mistake.  I will regret.  I will apologize.  My courage is anchored to a firm resolve, my self pride and humility.  I am courageous to set forth, I am courageous to back down.

It takes a lot of courage to give up, to admit it to one's self, and to work it.  Please do remember that courage is not just about fighting, its also about the leaving.  We lose some things each time we leave.  And its not easy to live with that, i mean, the things you give up for leavings.

Thumbs up!

Index (Share)

I have 24 years of training, I came around in full circle.   I've got that gray matter between my ears, I've got a BIG BIG heart, I wear feathers in my cap.  I don't mind sharing my laurels :).  I mentor you and we can still be friends.

Middle (Greatest Challenge Overcame)

Superlative.  At 44, you've seen it all.  There's one to many.  But there's one and I don't know what to do with it.  It's a challenge  and I haven't overcome it.  I dunno.  (i said this and my voice was soft, and cold, and sad, i felt it close to breaking, and i was gonna give myself away ... i stopped talking and just shook my head.  stomach pain!  there's something in my eye.)

Ring (Important Figure)

I was always sold to the idea of being a mother.  It is a role a take seriously, and which I play really well.   Briefly ...  she is my legacy.  I leave this world, and her being is my gift to humanity.  Knowing that I trained her well to become a useful, productive and responsible member of the society.  I raised her in such a way she can make a difference in her endeavors.

There was a point in my life I made a decision to take care of a life apart from mine.  That was significant.  Having a daughter.

Pinky (Dreams)

Revert to middle finger.  (as i struggle to save myself from another round of choking, tummy ache and smokey eyes).

Finding Gabrielle

She reminds me of Randy Crawford ... i both adore their kind of classy and quiet R & B (not these days loud, messy and cursin R & B hump) ... but more than that I love the jazz and all that in their music ...

Mid 1990's, those days we partied hard in CITEM.  I was single and in the club scene ;) ...     Rich and I we  used to Indian dance on  Dreams.  That was my first encounter of her.  Syempre wala sa Pilipinas yung CD.  

 ... Fast forward and I couldn't get over her music ... I was a young wife and mother, my daughter barely 2 yrs old ... I was travelling in the US ... so there right after the trade show in Vegas, I flew to Oregon visiting my aunt for the first time.  I was scrimping on my dollar so I went shopping at Goodwill ... there she was by the Cashier stacked in between piles of what have you --- a Pre loved original :) at a bargain price.

I brought it home of course.  Nonito borrowed it from me to get a (pirated) copy lol ... I never got it back (sobsssss) ... this lazy afternoon in the office ... me having a bad hair day ... and so badly needing some urgent shopping therapy ....  she belted out from my newly resurrected ipod ...  I came home still in a trance ... wishing back those happy days ... 

Dreams

I wish

Find your way

Second Chance

And close to 15 years or more, finding some of the tracks in remix argggghhhh ... i still prefer the original tempo (plus am not really a big fan of remix(es), I'd even choose mashups over Remix) ... unfortunately I couldn't find em online.  Gabrielle is such a gift, I wanna share her talent here, and dedicate a humble amount of space here in this little Gypsy's life :)      

We don't  talk anymore

Because of you

.... in between a 1993 interview and introduction ... a shade of Because of you live ... closest to the original track in the CD version

What Looks Like Crazy (on an Ordinary Day)

Stanza First

My work finished before 5 PM today.  Hurray!!!
Kuya Glen, my driver, dropped me off my hotel, in broad daylight :).
The rest of my nosy team decided to go swimming in OrmocVilla.
Lovely!
I was left alone in a small but pretty expensive hotel :)
Just like how i wanted it.
Left alone.  Yipee!
I was sooooo excited that I didn't care to change.
Sounded like a plan.
Gee, who cares if I didn't have lunch.
I run my way on my blue ballerina flats
Books and Coffee. Libro!
Perfect!

An impressive little door.
A tiny room full of strangers.
A red mug of blended chocolate.
Blueberry cheesecake.
My heaven!
Old books all for grabs!
Unpretentious art!
I got transported to my early days in Metropolitan Manila.
That side of Manila.
Where the artists, the poets,  the messed ups, the fucked ups convene.
Penguin Cafe.  Old Malate.  Malate of my time.
A sweet corner spot.
And just about the right amount of afternoon rain.
I always hug my mug.  Don't I.
My favorite John Legend song in the air.
Tonight, this night
 ... am thrashing my meds
Me gonna drink and smoke
Tonight, this night!
This writer is gonna write again.

well, that's my spot over there.  i jusz miszed the big glass window :(

my bonus treats for the day 

Prelude to Stanza Next

I fixed all my papers.
Submitted my report.
Packed my luggage.
I have the whole morning tomorrow to wait for my flight.
I skipped dinner.
I charged my beer to my tab.
I promised to finish just a half pack of Marlboro lights.
My airconditioning breathing hard.
I walk in cold wooden floors
What remains of my playlist is good enough for me to survive the night.
I have been writing in my head the whole time.
My friends must be reading this.
The downside of writing.
And the reasons why.

Stanza Second

A writer struggles.
Why she always leave.
Traces.
And refuses to explain.
Why I traded my social skills for silence.
Is it what.
I chose to write than speak.
Not to talk to anyone but myself.
May be I got tired of my stories.
And so I thought everyone got disinterested.
Or stopped caring.
And I was too strong not to be able to handle that on my own terms.
So they thought.
And i said.  I'd rather be left alone.
And so what was left of me, I will just write about.
I talk to myself.  And will not respond.
I put words together.  And just read them aloud.
I will ask questions.  I will answer in my head.
I will break truths into pieces.
And i will be quiet.
And there are secrets too many
I will bring them to my grave.

Chorus

solitude.



(repeat)
(reverberates)

i hear my own footsteps fading away ...

Calls For Dad | #RealDadMoments | Dove Men+Care

today i decide to ...

fin.*





*i used to say it's worse on Friday nights (when it rains). riding with Roxie.  taking the backseat.  home bound.  she struggles with her feelings with Wills.  i said, give it a chance but be careful,  what i just said was a silly unrealistic advise from an old woman.  i said that like i was throwing my young friend to the pit. no way you can be careful when you already decided to give it a chance.  we go reckless when we fall in love. we all do.  ... you know, the troubles with long drives, you get a lot of airtime to spend, too many questions for asking, answers you're just too tired to give.  it's like getting the center the stage while you suffer massive stage fright :).

"so what's your story  mom?"  Roxie asked.  my story, nobody wants to  hear that.  and I don't wanna tell (anymore).  i went softly, briefly "it's just a pile of jigsaw puzzle all messed up in my head."  that's all i have to say about that.

i looked far from my window seat.  (still) tearful.

Sophie Enchanted

She adores Anne Hathaway and loves Ella Enchanted.  She showed mom her preferred design and mom bought it from Tiffany's.  She showed it to her friends and they liked it, too.  She's got good taste and loves to shop like her mother.    The internet is such a huge market highway.  Her reasons may be mundane :) ... but she's only 17, I don't expect her to change the world.

This is her online shop, her first try on being enterprising.  So now this is really a more productive way of putting her shopping skills into good use. More than changing the world ... I am content to know that she's taking on some responsibility and above all she's having fun.

You chance upon the gypsy life, please click on  https://www.facebook.com/SophieEnchanted

 I am a proud mom of a budding entrepreneur.  Bliss ...