terminally ill

(that figures.  it always does.  boils down to that.  this, another busy week.  i do that intentionally.  work, and tire myself from it.  i miss my peace and quiet so i needed some break from my cyber life.  that's all.  and didn't i tell ...  November, something about November   ... season after Halloween ... jusz before Supremo's ... hearts get broken. )  

These, my fave from a place, of Poetry Renaissance.  Telling me, clearly, to my face, when we do, yes we do, count years, age by the day, but,  some things just never will change.  Oh, tear ... 

"This is the terminal, the break.
Beyond this point, on lines of air, 
You take the way that you must take; 
And I remain in light and stare-
In light, and nothing else, awake."
                             ywinters*

fashionably sick II

This my Cath.  This my deep and low back Kamiseta™ tops.

Medical Mission last Friday and oh there were many cute babies and toddlers ... sick but still cute and cuddly ... couldnt resist but take them one by one in my arms ....

Raining and my legendary laziness to bring (and use) umbrella.

Monday today.  Called in sick.

Thank God, not streps (again).  This weekend Id gotta get result of my blood test, and drop by Dr. See's.  My prayer warriors all set --- me, to remain borderline and my kidneys to be perfectly fine.

This week I bet Im gonna break my heart again.

2012's back.

... everywhere.  I do.
... You never.



(She never loses hope.  I stopped believing August 2011. I won my bet against Edna :) )

di algo

If you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by.
yet
one swallow does not a summer make

in my REM at 4AM morning,
a scrapbook, a newsletter
a montage, of smiles and praises
a woman's essence altared

dream talks
sleeps walks
is this really how  a dream catcher works?

November Memories: Bonifacio

Lost in confusion and total self bliss I've found the relation between dream and wish A dream is a fantasy lived only while asleep But a wish has a compass vast, far and deep. A dream can bring true the wish never thought As your mind wanders aimlessly and feelings are sought. But a wish is a simple, momentous undertaking A grasping of things while still in the making. Now my understanding of wish and of dreams Have broadened my scope - or so it would seem But still I'm confused and nothing is clear Because you are a wish, yet a dream so dear. With the breath of each day, I wish for your sight Visions of loveliness turned to dreams in the night You've become such a fantasy with realistic tones I long for your love and time spent alone Sadly enough my dreams cause confusion For all their purpose are meager illusion And though the dawn of each day may be cheerful to sight I fear the darkness and my continuing fight. For now its a war - a battle within A dreadful nightmare which rationality must win What should I do? Where shall I begin? Should I ask for your love or remain a dear friend? In my dreams youre my lover and my world is complete But in life your a martyr to hope so elite I've grown to know you and care with a passion But fear lies within mutual attraction. If I am to approach you with some indication Would I strengthen our friendship or cause detonation? This is the confusion, the struggle, the fight, Until I am sure, youll remain  a dream in the night. ... posted in Friendster wearin' Skype. This month he's 39.

November Memories: Orange Skye

Friendster days ... Final Fantasy Days ...  Tidus' poem to Yuna ... that was the height of his kakulitan ... nainis ako so I made up this title :) ... napikon ... di ako kinausap ng ilang days ... hehe

i am his Yuna, but he aint my Tidus ...

 Those days he shuttled from NYC - Tokyo - NYC ...  and he's got a big big  crush on Hikaru Utada ... Friendster days, he posted this on my wall ...

This month he's 44.

November Memories: Superman

"He comes and he goes. Para kaming year round Christmas lights, on and off. With him, I realized that age did matter. Especially when you were 22, and he was 17 ...  We were just on the phone a few days before his birthday. I got him a basket of blue roses, his favorite, and throwing in the last stem in his funeral. He was just 23."

This month, he would have been 39.

. .... ...

Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Yo sere el indicado si tu quieres que lo sea
A cualquier  lugar yo te  hubiera seguindo
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Y Yo
Me siento tan pequeño
Esto esta sobre mi cabeza
Y no se nada en lo absoluto
Y Yo
Tropezare  y caere
Aun estoy aprendiendo a amar
Apenas comienzo a gatear
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Lo siento por no poder llegar  a ti
A cualquier  lugar yo te  hubiera seguindo
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Y Yo
Me tragare mi orgullo
Tu eres
A quien yo amo
Y te estoy diciendo adios
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Lo siento por no poder llegar  a ti
A cualquier  lugar yo te  hubiera seguindo
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Di algo que me estoy dando por vencido contigo
Di algo ...

UnBlock (ed)

so
i was thinking about you
and just got a little bolder
to unblock you.  here.
https://www.facebook.com/gypsytales
...
though not bold enough
to keep it.
just because ...



thank God for time zones
Blocked pag buhay ang America
UnB pag tulog na.
***
damn why do i still miss you so much???!  i miss our conversations.  mga jokes mo na ewan ko ba kung saan saan mo napupulot :)  .. our cooking lessons ... your fishing expeditions ... our escapades those many many years that we were apart  ...  ... those little nothings ... until we get dirty LOL ....  sama na natin our regrets ... plans ...  dreams ... daydreams ... yung mahal kita ... at mahal mo ako ...

siguro ... wala lang kasi akong kausap.  i mean, katulad nung naguusap pa tayo.  ilang oras nga ba yon?  di na natin namamalayan, nagpalit na pala ng araw.  I really miss long talks with you.  that was rare.  i never really enjoyed conversation the way i did with you.

kaya ako nagsusulat na lang ... sulat na lang sulat ... isusulat ko na lang ... wala naman akong magagawa  ... sino ba ako to snatch you away from your happy life ... or as if i can really steal you from anything, anyhow, from her at this point ... uhhmmm ... i mean since i was 11 and you were 12.  'tangina lang di ba ... crush na nga lang dalawa pa kame arrghhhh ...   so not ever.  i just call you Mine in Pinterest but but you were really never mine.

tatanda ako at magsusulat pa din ako.  susulat ako ng susulat.  at mamatay ng ganun.
is that good or bad.
but
im a writer that's what i do.
uhhmmm...
and and di ba kasi ...
when i'm writing
... i'm talking ...
and and
when i'm writing
at least di ba ... yun nga ...
"Honey
I        can
pretend
you're
listening."

Blending ...

Third in a row .... strangers love this poet  ... will haiku soon  ... like this.

On the jagged cliff,

sadly gazing far below,
my troubles end here.

Suitcase Files: Baguio City 2013

An accidental rendezvous with a national treasure, world class sculptor Benhur Villanueva.

@Arko ni Apo, afternoon of  November 7.    With the "Maestro and Mommy" sandwiched between  Beng  (taken by yours truly ) then me (curt'sy by Ryes).

Just after a blind curve, Arko ni Apo was located across Tam-awan Village, our original destination. Coming from a little shopping from Benguet State U, I got a bit sleepy with the typical Baguio breeze and our white Grandia rockin' me like a baby.  It had me at hello :) ... I crossed the street without second thoughts, I walked behind NFC, who's an art collector himself.

It was delicious.  You should see the look on my face.   I was like a little girl  buying cotton candy :) ... My eyes and mouth all rounded up in amazement.  Even as a child, I have this thing with "beauty".  When you're young you don't call it art.  Not yet.  Until you see beyond the object, and find stories from the details.  To have an eye for that is a gift, i believe.  Not everyone has good taste ;).  This my bragging right now ;), CITEM, spending 15 years of my young corporate life,  trained and tested my taste bud,  having placed in company of both local and internationally acclaimed designers, I grew a deep affection for the art.   I admire them all ... Klimt, Schiele,  Bryers, Vargas, Lange, Orkin, Fein, Barton, Rockwell, Kahlo, Freud, McGinnis, Vine, Orlina, Claude Tayag, Abi Goy, BenCab, Gilda Cordero-Fernardo, i have a long roster of names of photographers, painters, animators, sculptors, installation artists.

It was a day of accidents.

We drove to Casa Vallejo.  Not for ghost hunting hehe but for dinner at Hillstation, a resto just below the city's oldest hotel.  And lo and behold ... there's a a narrow staircase that actually leads to a bookshop.  Mt. Cloud.

I'm a certified  book whore.  You know what happens to me each time I get surrounded by books. ORGASMIC!  LOL.  It's ecstasy and I get lost from it.  I always say that I can actually live in a room full of books.  When I get rich, I will have a huge library ...  a room bigger than my house LOL.

I let them ordered dinner for me.  I have to sneak in to that tiny nook within that haunted Casa :)

Walk in the clouds of art ... crafting, reading, listening.  You heard it right ... Mt. Cloud also hosts open mic poetry reading, every third Monday of the month.  So they say, "paint your night with (in a cloud  of )poetry.

 Tenants of Casa Vallejo.  There's Hillstation.  There's Mt. Cloud.  And every third Monday of the month, you can string together beautiful words, read them aloud and bring them to clouds.  

@Mt. Cloud, you can do your thing while having coffee or your favorite beer.   This place is heaven. ;)

This one wasn't accidental.

Just before my flight from CDO to Manila, I already requested to put us together in one room.  We got a bonus, and traveled in one van together, Manila-Baguio-Manila. :).  May TPLEX na but it's still a good 10 hours of road trip, back and forth.

There were 14 years between us covered only by telephone calls, emails and eventually Facebook.  There's a lot of catching up to do, two days not enough but a pretty good warm up.

She going through rough seas at work.  It's not something she couldn't surpass.  I'm just happy I'm here now for my friend during these times when she needs me the most.

Andameng wento.  Fifty years old na pala si Betchay, binata na si Arvie, widower n si Ate Lo, nasa States na si Ate Miriam, my friend now a Pastor's wife (arrgghhhhh!!!) , and so she got prophetic, she warned me not to marry yet, so look now.  Kaya pala, 43 na ako at 45 na sya hayyy naku ... sabay kame, sugar tumataas.  Funny she needed closure with Paul ... and talaga naman, i-stalk namin si JayDee ahahaha. Curious lang daw sya kase wala sa Facebook.  So gatong naman ako ahhaha, so i told her i get worried when people I look for don't show up in Facebook or don't update their timeline, isip ko lage, baka tegi na waaaaaaaaa ... so like, as of this writing, me wanna text her na ... ayun o si JD, netizen, hehehe, tabachingching lang pero cute pa din --- at nasa Gapo lang!!!!

She gets makulet with her usual antics when it's my turn.My friend and I were too happy to be together again after a long time apart trying to make something out of our lives.  I don't want to ruin that moment.    She knows naman na what happened to my marriage.  It was sob story enough.  Hanggang dun na lang.  Mas malungkot yung ngayon.  I don't want pity even when if it's coming from her.  I only accepted pity the year it happened.  Nuff said.

 Breakfast @ Baguio Country Club ... with one of my lifelong  friends, si BengBeng.  Bliss.  

***nota bene***

                                                                "All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again ..."

(dream catcher i got from Arko ni Apo. now hangs over my bed, by the window, in my room., hooked on my purple Chicago butterfly)

A prayer for the Philippines

Father, heal our land.  For only you can calm the storm.

Too tired ... too sweet :)

Nah, this ain't another one of those writer's block I usually get myself into.  It was 5 days of travelling and this kick-ass blogger's back breaks.  I'm still human, alright.

I do miss my journal so in the middle of unpacking my luggage, catching up with The Voice Knockout rounds, virtual farming, planning my weekend and the coming weekdays arrgghhh ...  i really really tried tried  tried to make something from my first sweet reunion with my lifelong friend Bengbeng.  Yeah, Beng and me, all the way from Metropolitan Manila, a total of 10 hrs. roadtrip, to Baguio.   So may be, tomorrow, that Suitcase Files :) ...

For now, ... this writer's too tired to write.  I'll turn the lights off ...  keep the cable running ... and my ipod, too ... nah, not Sara Bareilles for tonight, it's too dark, I wanna sleep and i want it sweet ...

...  so meantime, I leave you this.  Ingrid Michaelson's ...

McBealism exploited

Oh that little thing, that doesn't mean anything.  The other one doesn't have a thing for it.  The One must be up to something.  Me ...  the No One ... just making something out of nothing.  Four years in the Social Network, I've seen too much publicity photos, opened can loads of worms, exhumed skeletons from immaculate closets, heard silent cursings, engulfed covert sarcasms, tasted unresolved perversions.  We have created photo opportunities especially when there was none.  Choreographed family portraits.  Scripted timelines.  Photoshopped profile pictures.  Lied about civil status and states of mind.  We made prozac out of Zuckerberg's.  And made shrinks looked line cub scouts  We got so good in it that we didn't see the emptiness, the sadness, the loneliness, the longing, the haunting, the fallacy, the broken plates, our pulverized selves.

This would have been a great invention, until we misused it, and once again, we failed as human beings.



"One of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through them. As time passes, you look back and say oh, that little thing, oh that. You fast forward to then right now, and you're over it." Ally McBe

Hallow Me :)

so lovin' Fotor these days

this was what I made out of it ;)

...  and this is my current fave Halloween costume ;) .... my tumbalelong witch socks.