Another birthday away

Happy 45th birthday tho.

a heart just breaks, that's all ...

 For one year, it was quiet.  It was quiet when you have no place to go to like no graves to grieve at.

But then again.  I was the one who unblocked you.  Didn't I?  Last December.  So it was my fault.

Unblocking you meant checking on you from time to time.  Yes, I did that for the last 4 months.  My bad (again).

I guess this Sunday morning was a pretty bad timing.  I wouldn't have seen all that if I didn't unblock you.

All these, you'll never understand, until you loved as much as i did ... 

    and hurt  by that same love as much as you  hurt me.

Pero hIndi mo naman kasalanan kung bakit hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita.

Ako lang naman to.

Scandaleyes!

 My second Rimmel.  :)  The first one being my Kate Moss lippy.

I wanted to make my eyes grow bigger and lighted up and all that.  The black pen does otherwise so here ...

I actually don't see much diff but the feel of being unique :) wearin' nude on my tiny EAGLE eyes ...                        

Me getting NYX's Milk next :)

Masochism

Two nights ago, I conspired with Edzkie :) ... I was just thinking, in 2 days, 1st of May, it will be a holiday, then I'll have ample time to calibrate things ;), may be solve some puzzles that's been drilling my head for like 2 years now.  Two years that's 24 months,, you have to double and a half my fingers for that.  Those were the last.  This month and next.

So Ednei ... now I have a logical explanation.  Truth hurts as always.  But am I not used to that --- the hurtful truth?  :)  Did I not turn faithless because of that?  And I say this without a bit of remorse or regret --- that I may be wrong ...  but right's not here.  So all i've got are the wrong notions, the wrong beliefs, unproven theories, misconceptions, faulty judgment, prejudice and biases, doubts and paranoia.  Pain made me a different person. Before all that I was a different woman.  Three years can make a lot of difference.  I always say, I wear the best looking poker face, the sweetest faux smile, the most pretentious intelligence, and the silliest confidence.

It was about a stupid cursor.  Unused.  It was about just staring on the monitor, may be after hot blitzkrieg makin' luv  :) ... when both of you still naked and dripping wet, the scent of dirty sex all over the place --- all the dopomine, oxytocin, testosterone and serotonin splattered in those bed sheets!  cuddling and laughing on my stupid words.  silly silly girl this ugly witch!

Seen.   Unread.  No move.  No love.

la la la  means i love you hohummm