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About Me

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I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

(sometimes) Philippine media SUCKS!


I went to the dining table to get champorado and pandesal (go carbs go!  Hahah jusko pig out Sunday talaga ito LOL).  The maid was watching Pinky Webb’s interview of Rep. Sonny Angara of course  about the latter’s candidacy , etc etc … then Ms. Webb   said … with confidence … with conviction … neither batting an eyelash … nor flippin' her goddam hair,  without any second, third, or fourth thoughts … no buckling … no dropping jaws  ... not a single trace of confusion  (just in case she was getting it from a teleprompter --- which I bet, she was) … so I quote (not verbatim though), “… bigatin endorsers nyo po …” … so me and my champorado had to wait  as this glutton had to hear the names of the big shot endorsers  straight from this “broadcast journalist”  pinky freakin webb.

I was hoping,  the big league would include the Monsod couple (Winnie and Christian or may be Toby, their daughter), former chief justice Hilario Davide, one of the country's most loved and respected solon, Jovito Salonga or may be on those honest cabbie drivers, SM Megamall's  very helful security staff,  or that MMDA guy who got publicly humiliated  for  doing his job, 2013’s bar topnotcher, Ramon Magsaysay HS’s class valedictorian, some industrialist or technocrat from Makati Business Club or the Philippine Chamber, a migrant worker who has been steadily supporting his family and our economy through  his valued remittances, a retired teacher from some remote province …. Andame naman kasi … big wigs eh, I thought it was about  reputation and credibility .

“bigatin endorsers nyo po sir … coco martin … sarah Geronimo … julia montes!”   (and who the fuck is that julia montes????)

I have very little … miniscule actually … actually microscopic … respect to this pretty face pinky.  The few times I have watched her interviews, her analyses and commentaries, even her punch lines in between takes or may be some “breathing moments” during takes … she is so shallow and lacks the sincerity to make an effective statement (popular or contrary).  Am sure that was scripted.  That wasn’t adlib for God’ sake.  Even Jessica Soho reads her script while her hair is being done.  While it is fed may be by a struggling nameless equally shallow research team … no one can force you to degrade yourself on national TV (pucha I wont make that silly statement not even in the drinking  table) … by carelessly "bobo"ly  give that run down knowing that as a broadcast journalist whatever you say and do especially in national television ... Yes, does,   --- affect how the viewing public would form their opinion --- and  especially during this critical time  …. eleksyon!

This is so elementary … does it have to be spelled out … media’s responsibility in educating a nation?  Especially with an electorate  with very limited understanding, very little commitment (if not mundane or none at all) towards nation building.

My maid was watching and a registered voter eh maka coco martin eh di kilig na kilig.  So now I have to make some explaining to her.  Damn!  There goes my blog time and champorado moments!

I bet Gabriela Silang was turning in her grave.  That woman of that stature, education, wealth, opportunity, thus, power was such a pinkie.

So to me, this news reader  will always be a starlet in news and public affairs.  If i were her, mag aartista na lang akio.  42 plang sya, pwede pa sa mother  cougar roles LOL

Muntik ng maapetukhan disposition ko sa champorado ko dahil sa interview na ito.  BUti na lang at hindi naman.  LOL  Salamat kay  Bok Rowena P. Ebriega sa very entertaining chat .. she actually saved my Sunday (and my champorado  moments) after a glimpse of that crappy interview.

***(seriously ... I just turned 43, my circle of influence may be limited, I am proud to say I'm doing my part to the best that I can ... I still dream for this country to shape up, for my daughter's sake, and my daughter's children, and my daughter's children's children ... "election" is that chance to start that change.  Media and education are instrumental to support that change.  Am not gonna sit down and put up with this crap  ... I'm sending this out ...  and to ABS CBN! :) )

***eto nag dahilan why my UP education was aborted at kung bakit na bartolina ako sa 'Gapo hora horada ng nanay ko. :)  I respect my mother's wisdom.  Because of her, I'm still making myself useful.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

the effects of rain on me

Got busy reading blogs … 
Showin off some (literary) skin … 
I wrote and posted faithless @ blender
Kirk the blendahman, shared a piece from Fridah Kahlo.
Which led me to Marty McConnell and a collection of such lovely powerful fearless words.

Then I made a wish and got it. Rain started to fall late this afternoon. So in between my obsessive reading and excessive pinning :)) … I discovered the quilts of Susan Shie, the freshness of a young Ana Guerrero’s art ... and then I got a little curious and daring and crossed lines of a sinner’s almanac who speaks about venomous honey ;) of crooked paths and lonely nightingales, and a similarly inquisitive old soul, Jen Chandler finding inspiration from the rain, i was thinking she may be coming out from something … and this Lipi girl trying to convince me on enduring tedious relentless unpredictable long silly waits … dreams reincarnate, oh no they don’t! LOL …

And from last night ...

I remember Steele and her intoxication of chilled margarita and that achromatic color of cloud-covered sky and ash of lead. She got horribly tipsy (tipsy … sounds cute ;) )… ran into the loo. And called Grey. Fuck drunk dials!

(this witch is tellin you, this flu is curable. Delete the numbers from your cp. And from your head. (then you are free to get drunk any time of day, without waking up the next morning with all the shame and the remorse, the disdain and regrets of pushing those buttons and making that ishtupid phone call that rang forever.)




*Postscript

and and ... the music of this 19 year old song writer from Minnesota ... http://johnmarknelson.bandcamp.com/track/rain-comes-down ... all these for a Saturday ... I must say I have been quite productive LOL ... so tonight ... scary movie marathon naman harhar. I am a bum mom! LOL

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

We were 42


My mantra, my compelling reason … Gilda Radner’s story was a bonus.  Thank you Joanna Bull for this invention … “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.”

Gilda as expected was not  as brilliant as compared to most established and prolific novelists.  But her  spontaneity, honesty and sincerity  brings you to the exact threshold of pain, angst, mortality, her clinginess to hope, positivism, life, love, fame, and how quick she melts down when face to face with reality .   Her ovarian cancer  metastasized, and most likely she will die from it, really really soon.  Afraid to leave the life she adores and just not about ready to be given up and everything in it --- and may be,the lack of memory of it, in her life beyond, and lives left behind without her. To this day, cancer remains to massacre the human spirit.  And Gene Wilder, the love of her life, re-married, two years after her passing.  Life goes on …

I was 19 years old, when Gilda Radner, 42 years,  slipped into a coma and never woke up.  She had cancer, fought it fiercely, but eventually killed her.

I still write my pages. Impatient with an ending, a story i don't even know how to begin again. This Sunday, I will be 43.




***a no nonsense review of my recently finished, It's Always Something by Ms. Gilda Radner ... this Friday, I'm running to a bookstore nearest to my office, and grab my next cover :)

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/523469837    --- of course, it's in my goodreads :)  ... goodreads.com/irmavanta

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