You've been scarce for the last two weeks. I thought you needed space to help you think things through. So I didn’t bother you, and just waited for your IMs, whenever you feel like dropping me a line or two, at your most convenient time, when and how you want it.
But we don't talk anymore, like we used to, sometimes I feel you're staying away from me and avoiding me. I don’t know what’s going on anymore.
We used to talk about practically everything openly, and suddenly its changed.
Last night, Sophie and I got a message in FB, that put me in a very very bad light in my daughter's eyes. I tried to tell you about this in FB. You didnt reply. I sent you a message in YM about it too. You didn't reply.
I got two hate mails, too. And dirty IMs. But they’re all about me. For me. I’m 41 and I got myself into this. My daughter’s only 14, this was not her choice. The least that I can do is to be gentle and careful with my words when the time comes that I have to I explain to her about us and our situation.
This left me deeply hurt especially with my daughter’s confusion over that message that strains our relationship now.
Hoping that you care enough to make me feel a little better. And at least assure me that its not what it looks. I dunno where and how to reach you. Im left alone.
I always pray for us. This time for better judgment. And that we be there for each other when need the most. That’s what friends and lovers for.
I will always love you, honey. Be well.
... my other garden ;)
About Me
- Irma
- I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
This one really hurts (too bad I have to face this alone)*
In my mailbox ...
Acerbic message.
I'd like to think, they meant well. But as you read along, it hits you, straight where it hurts the most, the next thing you know your eyes follows.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves. That's why he keeps on taking back the wife who's been shitting on his head. And treats the other woman like shit.
(I wanted to tell him about this. Cry to him may be over beer or two. Kahit on the phone lang or online. Ask him to re-assure me that those written words in my electronic mail ain't true ... and that what we have is for real, not easy but for real. And that one day we'll be together, like what we used to say to each other.
"Used to." Implied infinitive. Are two words meaning "taking place in the past but not continuing into the present". Like ...
We used to talk regularly, happily.
He used to check on me how I was doing, before and after work, when out with friends or just bumming around the house with Sophie. My daughter he used to call princess.
Those three words each time he tells me. I take them to bed always with a smile on my face.
I used to be a confident, generally happy, 41 year old.
I wanted to tell him all about this. I really do.
He used to be here with me, for me.
Used to.)
*something you can't even tell to any of closest friends and family ... it's bad enough that I got myself into this, it's even worse to hear that I'm stuck. I love him, it is my choice to endure this. They will never understand.
Acerbic message.
I'd like to think, they meant well. But as you read along, it hits you, straight where it hurts the most, the next thing you know your eyes follows.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves. That's why he keeps on taking back the wife who's been shitting on his head. And treats the other woman like shit.
(I wanted to tell him about this. Cry to him may be over beer or two. Kahit on the phone lang or online. Ask him to re-assure me that those written words in my electronic mail ain't true ... and that what we have is for real, not easy but for real. And that one day we'll be together, like what we used to say to each other.
"Used to." Implied infinitive. Are two words meaning "taking place in the past but not continuing into the present". Like ...
We used to talk regularly, happily.
He used to check on me how I was doing, before and after work, when out with friends or just bumming around the house with Sophie. My daughter he used to call princess.
Those three words each time he tells me. I take them to bed always with a smile on my face.
I used to be a confident, generally happy, 41 year old.
I wanted to tell him all about this. I really do.
He used to be here with me, for me.
Used to.)
*something you can't even tell to any of closest friends and family ... it's bad enough that I got myself into this, it's even worse to hear that I'm stuck. I love him, it is my choice to endure this. They will never understand.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
RennieLorca, writer, poet, co-Blender ...
... moves up to heaven
... and starts writing from there.
http://www.loveblender.com/blend/av.cgi?id=900
Here's a toast for Rennie and hugs for her Captain.
... and starts writing from there.
http://www.loveblender.com/blend/av.cgi?id=900
Here's a toast for Rennie and hugs for her Captain.
June 19, 2011
We lose some, we win some. AN old voice faded away, a new one comes in.
Here is she, and my bump, on what seem to be familiar grounds.
By HateMeMore
[[2011.08.28.01.19.17266]]
I think of all the times you forgave her
for the lying, the cheating, the sinful transgressions.
You held her close after she had been
with another, and you knew this.
Still, you held her.
I wonder again and again
the question plaguing every second of my day.
Will you forgive me for all that I have done
when you were not looking?
Will you still want forever when my sins
are put out on the table?
Will you regret holding me close
when you find out I had the scent
of another on my skin
as it was pressed against yours?
I think I will remain
left to wonder.
*** *** ***
sana if i shit on your head you'll forgive me, take me back, too ... and love me, still.
Here is she, and my bump, on what seem to be familiar grounds.
By HateMeMore
[[2011.08.28.01.19.17266]]
I think of all the times you forgave her
for the lying, the cheating, the sinful transgressions.
You held her close after she had been
with another, and you knew this.
Still, you held her.
I wonder again and again
the question plaguing every second of my day.
Will you forgive me for all that I have done
when you were not looking?
Will you still want forever when my sins
are put out on the table?
Will you regret holding me close
when you find out I had the scent
of another on my skin
as it was pressed against yours?
I think I will remain
left to wonder.
*** *** ***
sana if i shit on your head you'll forgive me, take me back, too ... and love me, still.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
the diamonds we lost for a pocket full of stones
Finding that old Manila Times article by MJM. Re-posted in somebody’s bloghopped. There were three theories there, briefly discussed by the author. I guess, we are a mixed of all three, our mutation, a work in progress. This is my theory, here goes ...
Is the universe conniving?
Between two people . One evening. Long talk.
That single dream you both want to make real. Here and now.
In between days, you see the stumbling blocks and hurdle points getting larger than life.
The wall getting another brick. Wild grasses growing at our doorstep. Distance wider. Words are scarce by the day. It looks to me like what used to be two separate lives, still two separate, distant ones. You and your quicksand. Me and my sandcastle.
Is this really love? Or is love enough? No love or just love.
Sometimes, I think you really do. Like I do, too. But right now, my sweet tooth aches. Too much sugar is always bad for borderlines. It’s going down. And I’m sinking with it. I'm so tired, my physical body giving in, for once I want to sleep peacefully again, or just get sleep even if it mean no waking up.
... ... ...
Every afternoon just before the sun sets, I gaze at Manila’s skyline from 15th floor of my office. I try to see as far as my eyes can reach, it’s a big picture of orange dusk and cotton clouds, still you not in it, and "us" against a dark silhouette.
Why now and not then? What if? What for?
So lemme, propose for us ... a
last crawl. last call. One love.
The two of us, played like fools by destiny.
Fate had once stolen us from each other,
and led us to some other lovers' arms
and somehow, don't we regret those lousy parts?
Are we letting this happen again, like helpless pawns for a bait.
I don’t want to be the one who got away from you.
And you, the one who slipped away from me.
Please don’t let go.
Not this time. Not again.
Is the universe conniving?
Between two people . One evening. Long talk.
That single dream you both want to make real. Here and now.
In between days, you see the stumbling blocks and hurdle points getting larger than life.
The wall getting another brick. Wild grasses growing at our doorstep. Distance wider. Words are scarce by the day. It looks to me like what used to be two separate lives, still two separate, distant ones. You and your quicksand. Me and my sandcastle.
Is this really love? Or is love enough? No love or just love.
Sometimes, I think you really do. Like I do, too. But right now, my sweet tooth aches. Too much sugar is always bad for borderlines. It’s going down. And I’m sinking with it. I'm so tired, my physical body giving in, for once I want to sleep peacefully again, or just get sleep even if it mean no waking up.
... ... ...
Every afternoon just before the sun sets, I gaze at Manila’s skyline from 15th floor of my office. I try to see as far as my eyes can reach, it’s a big picture of orange dusk and cotton clouds, still you not in it, and "us" against a dark silhouette.
Why now and not then? What if? What for?
So lemme, propose for us ... a
last crawl. last call. One love.
The two of us, played like fools by destiny.
Fate had once stolen us from each other,
and led us to some other lovers' arms
and somehow, don't we regret those lousy parts?
Are we letting this happen again, like helpless pawns for a bait.
I don’t want to be the one who got away from you.
And you, the one who slipped away from me.
Please don’t let go.
Not this time. Not again.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Two months is Infinity
Those 60 days were special. No matter how brief, and fleeting and surreal. Don't you be sad for what was over. Jusz be glad that he was once yours. Next lifetime, may be (LOL).
Nah, don't regret what could have been really beautiful. Be grateful, and proud of yourself for giving it a chance.
... ... ...
My 2nd Kadayawan ... one of my over-staying regional travels. Hoping work overdose could kill! Zombie'-walkin' the streets of Davao. Just after that meeting for our mall show ... I heard this version floating in the air ... nice one! I told Admin, she was really giving justice to a Marie Digby fave. That's Marie Digby no less, she said. I grabbed my dox, and ran like a teeny bopper ... pushin' my way to the crowd ... what do you know, the best thing about this back breakin' 5 days ...Digby in the house singin' acoustic ... like me tellin' you this, hun ...
You had my heart, and we'll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
But baby 'cause in the dark you will see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
The fancy things they're never coming in between
You're apart of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my
You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me
So gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
(Ella ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh-eh)
Nah, don't regret what could have been really beautiful. Be grateful, and proud of yourself for giving it a chance.
... ... ...
My 2nd Kadayawan ... one of my over-staying regional travels. Hoping work overdose could kill! Zombie'-walkin' the streets of Davao. Just after that meeting for our mall show ... I heard this version floating in the air ... nice one! I told Admin, she was really giving justice to a Marie Digby fave. That's Marie Digby no less, she said. I grabbed my dox, and ran like a teeny bopper ... pushin' my way to the crowd ... what do you know, the best thing about this back breakin' 5 days ...Digby in the house singin' acoustic ... like me tellin' you this, hun ...
You had my heart, and we'll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
But baby 'cause in the dark you will see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
The fancy things they're never coming in between
You're apart of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my
You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me
So gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
(Ella ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh-eh)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
What a shame that we all became such fragile broken things.
I think I just need to believe that it works.
Love, couplehood, partnerships.
The idea that when two people come together, they stay together.
I have to take that to bed with me every night,
even if I'm going to bed alone.
-McBealism-
Here's to each and everyone of us, who tried and failed, and tried again and failed again, tried again and again and again, and failed the same number of times we've tried. :)
'Wel and Mel (kung kelan na-annul saka pa natapos hayyy)
Jers and Marje (so coupling before I left for Manila in '93 ... :( )
"Aeryn" (doomed from the start arrgghhh)
from San Diego to Hawaii (... dying love ...)
Fayie and Entot (only took one to fall out)
Jen and Benj (the question of struggle)
Chuck and Dok (tsk, tsk, tsk ... tat long drag, tat very very looong drag)
Jates' (a relationship for convenience is never a relationship anyway)
Ca and Vegas (taking different directions ...)
"Yours" (going ...)
"Mine" (gone.)
Love, couplehood, partnerships.
The idea that when two people come together, they stay together.
I have to take that to bed with me every night,
even if I'm going to bed alone.
-McBealism-
Here's to each and everyone of us, who tried and failed, and tried again and failed again, tried again and again and again, and failed the same number of times we've tried. :)
'Wel and Mel (kung kelan na-annul saka pa natapos hayyy)
Jers and Marje (so coupling before I left for Manila in '93 ... :( )
"Aeryn" (doomed from the start arrgghhh)
from San Diego to Hawaii (... dying love ...)
Fayie and Entot (only took one to fall out)
Jen and Benj (the question of struggle)
Chuck and Dok (tsk, tsk, tsk ... tat long drag, tat very very looong drag)
Jates' (a relationship for convenience is never a relationship anyway)
Ca and Vegas (taking different directions ...)
"Yours" (going ...)
"Mine" (gone.)
Monday, August 15, 2011
blowin' bubbles and burstin' em
Cheers!
Buti na lang may Conversation na, Message Archive pa hehehe
Takte di ba, binalik-balikan ko ng ilang beses. Baka hallucinations lang. My failing hearing and eyesight playing tricks on me LOL. Nasayang ang Tinkerbell short shorts hahaha and my new strawberry and skull red tops arrgghghhh. So tempting to cut and paste di ba harharhar
Tama naman basa ko, malamang yung din narinig ko kahit medyo choppy hahaha
Taena di ba, buti na lang, full tank ako. This will last until my flight, sana roundtrip. Then I'd go crashin' again. Darn!
Words of wisdom for this week and today :) ... running list ... maganda tong mga to eh lalo na pag contextual and verbatim hahaha, hindi lang talaga pwede eh hay naku!
"... lagi na nagko-collapse" SPO1 Catunao (lol)
"hey don't you forget, you go wearin' that, yeah yeah, "that other ... MOFO attitude!" (ka-Us Girls (ROFL)
"ang words, madaling i-type, madalin din mag backspace at i-delete :(." ABIKU (sya na hindi umabot sa ligaya hayyyy)
"The same pick-up lines ... I thought for a moment, our story was original." TWEET TWEET TWEET
... eto na ang pamatay, that killer one liner from Sydney cutting like a nasty knife ... why dyou have to that for why oh why :( :)
"it will stay _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ as for now."
"Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," I said.
Buti na lang may Conversation na, Message Archive pa hehehe
Takte di ba, binalik-balikan ko ng ilang beses. Baka hallucinations lang. My failing hearing and eyesight playing tricks on me LOL. Nasayang ang Tinkerbell short shorts hahaha and my new strawberry and skull red tops arrgghghhh. So tempting to cut and paste di ba harharhar
Tama naman basa ko, malamang yung din narinig ko kahit medyo choppy hahaha
Taena di ba, buti na lang, full tank ako. This will last until my flight, sana roundtrip. Then I'd go crashin' again. Darn!
Words of wisdom for this week and today :) ... running list ... maganda tong mga to eh lalo na pag contextual and verbatim hahaha, hindi lang talaga pwede eh hay naku!
"... lagi na nagko-collapse" SPO1 Catunao (lol)
"hey don't you forget, you go wearin' that, yeah yeah, "that other ... MOFO attitude!" (ka-Us Girls (ROFL)
"ang words, madaling i-type, madalin din mag backspace at i-delete :(." ABIKU (sya na hindi umabot sa ligaya hayyyy)
"The same pick-up lines ... I thought for a moment, our story was original." TWEET TWEET TWEET
... eto na ang pamatay, that killer one liner from Sydney cutting like a nasty knife ... why dyou have to that for why oh why :( :)
"it will stay _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ as for now."
"Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," I said.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
This ain’t a pixietale …
... Me and Abi …
Well … that little story in children’s books yeah right usually starts really bad and closes with “they live happily ever after.” Ahuh ahuh LOL
This is adult world stuck in reverse pare!
Dysfunctional of all dysfunctional :) ei.
This one’s a little story gone worse than bad.
I’m sorry dearie, you could have partaken and enjoyed what each and everyone of my crew partied with. Yeah dearie, that part, you know, when I also thought was gonna be wonderful. Oh, did I have to see your smile all over Blue Wave Treats, and say like what everybody said … “oh tat was beautiful Irma, such a beautiful love story … not everyone of us passes this life and get that second chance.”
So oh too late for you to see me thrive in it. For once in my life … I was compromising. For once in 41 years, I was in submission. Trying to learn things I refused to learn before. Trying to honestly, sincerely, bring down my guards, waving that white flag whether I was wrong or right. For once, I was giving a relationship a fair fighting chance. Not like my misgivings with Dennis. Not like my stubborn love with Mark. Not like my falling out with Sophie’s dad. For once I was trying my best to be easy than difficult. For once I was more than willing to give it a shot. No matter. Regardless. No matter how complicated the circumstances are. The future was blurry, but for once I was trying to shed some light. For once. C’mon naman I deserve a standing ovation here.
Here and now. He was having me at my best. I was trying to give him myself, Irma at her best. Something I denied to everyone else I have fallen in love with, for the first time, I was consciously, exerting effort, giving it my best shot.
My innocent childhood love. Offering my pure love.
And then this.
So let’s kinda fast forward this a bit. Which Jonathan kinda said hummm. "galit ka lang kasi". And Bok was sorta hatin', "one more chance, Irms. Give your honey another break." Phia prayerful, "I'm here for you, don't you forget that." Jen the believer, "Go back to Jun, 'Ma. Soph will be happier."
Katawa, hati hati sila. Iba iba.
Me and my rebellious streak. I and my vindictive self.
Turning away and going back. We’re even now. (So si Jenalyn lang ang magse celebrate. Sya lang. Sya lang talaga. LOL)
Allow me to say this ... can I say this ...
This failed love I will bring to my grave. Lemme regret this. Jusz let me regret this.
See ‘Bi … di ba, this ain’t a fairy tale.
(... when pixietales are not suppose to end this way.)
Well … that little story in children’s books yeah right usually starts really bad and closes with “they live happily ever after.” Ahuh ahuh LOL
This is adult world stuck in reverse pare!
Dysfunctional of all dysfunctional :) ei.
This one’s a little story gone worse than bad.
I’m sorry dearie, you could have partaken and enjoyed what each and everyone of my crew partied with. Yeah dearie, that part, you know, when I also thought was gonna be wonderful. Oh, did I have to see your smile all over Blue Wave Treats, and say like what everybody said … “oh tat was beautiful Irma, such a beautiful love story … not everyone of us passes this life and get that second chance.”
So oh too late for you to see me thrive in it. For once in my life … I was compromising. For once in 41 years, I was in submission. Trying to learn things I refused to learn before. Trying to honestly, sincerely, bring down my guards, waving that white flag whether I was wrong or right. For once, I was giving a relationship a fair fighting chance. Not like my misgivings with Dennis. Not like my stubborn love with Mark. Not like my falling out with Sophie’s dad. For once I was trying my best to be easy than difficult. For once I was more than willing to give it a shot. No matter. Regardless. No matter how complicated the circumstances are. The future was blurry, but for once I was trying to shed some light. For once. C’mon naman I deserve a standing ovation here.
Here and now. He was having me at my best. I was trying to give him myself, Irma at her best. Something I denied to everyone else I have fallen in love with, for the first time, I was consciously, exerting effort, giving it my best shot.
My innocent childhood love. Offering my pure love.
And then this.
So let’s kinda fast forward this a bit. Which Jonathan kinda said hummm. "galit ka lang kasi". And Bok was sorta hatin', "one more chance, Irms. Give your honey another break." Phia prayerful, "I'm here for you, don't you forget that." Jen the believer, "Go back to Jun, 'Ma. Soph will be happier."
Katawa, hati hati sila. Iba iba.
Me and my rebellious streak. I and my vindictive self.
Turning away and going back. We’re even now. (So si Jenalyn lang ang magse celebrate. Sya lang. Sya lang talaga. LOL)
Allow me to say this ... can I say this ...
This failed love I will bring to my grave. Lemme regret this. Jusz let me regret this.
See ‘Bi … di ba, this ain’t a fairy tale.
(... when pixietales are not suppose to end this way.)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
♥blender
Sharing two of my fave works by two of my most admired writers in ♥blender ;)
By Ali
Date: 2001 Dec 17
[2001.12.17.18.45.23745]]
The Coffee's Too Cold
What do you do when the coffee's too cold to drink
And the time drags by too slowly to care?
Dreams slip away from us, just as people do
It's life, it's life, it's just life
But...it sucks, ok?
And sometimes it's good to say that, to be honest
To scream out loud, instead of in silence
Still, sometimes the coffee's too cold to drink...
The world may end, but only in your mind
Your steps may falter, but only you can fall
Nothing simple can take away heartache
Just as nothing simple can cause it
But, I don't believe in simplicity anyway
Perhaps that is because I have never known it
I am Queen of complexities, being complex myself
(As are most people)
I've grown accustomed to having very complex relationships
But, as I said before, I don't believe in simplicity
And sometimes, the coffee's too cold to drink...
Love buds, grows, blooms...dies
You ask: "Is this the end?"
It's been said countless times by an infinity of people
None have answered so far, but I will
And in answering, I say this:
"It is not the end, for nothing ever ends, truly.
For love changes shape, changes hue, and changes intensity
But the essence is still the same."
So, what do you do when the coffee's too cold to drink?
Either you try to warm it up, or you make a new pot...
By i'm just him
Date: 2005 Jul 06
[[2005.07.06.17.16.7413]]
fixing a broken road
our road has some potholes
and acouple of missing streets
but if Keanu Reeves can jump them
in a bus
we should be able 2 cross them easy
the time you tho we lost
we didn't, i took it
and i'm here 2 give it back
i'm here 2 fix the broken road
and repair the streets that cracked
i'm willing to do anything
if anything is what i have to do
2 connect the broken streets
and fix my path 2 u
~i'm just him~
tru story
By Ali
Date: 2001 Dec 17
[2001.12.17.18.45.23745]]
The Coffee's Too Cold
What do you do when the coffee's too cold to drink
And the time drags by too slowly to care?
Dreams slip away from us, just as people do
It's life, it's life, it's just life
But...it sucks, ok?
And sometimes it's good to say that, to be honest
To scream out loud, instead of in silence
Still, sometimes the coffee's too cold to drink...
The world may end, but only in your mind
Your steps may falter, but only you can fall
Nothing simple can take away heartache
Just as nothing simple can cause it
But, I don't believe in simplicity anyway
Perhaps that is because I have never known it
I am Queen of complexities, being complex myself
(As are most people)
I've grown accustomed to having very complex relationships
But, as I said before, I don't believe in simplicity
And sometimes, the coffee's too cold to drink...
Love buds, grows, blooms...dies
You ask: "Is this the end?"
It's been said countless times by an infinity of people
None have answered so far, but I will
And in answering, I say this:
"It is not the end, for nothing ever ends, truly.
For love changes shape, changes hue, and changes intensity
But the essence is still the same."
So, what do you do when the coffee's too cold to drink?
Either you try to warm it up, or you make a new pot...
By i'm just him
Date: 2005 Jul 06
[[2005.07.06.17.16.7413]]
fixing a broken road
our road has some potholes
and acouple of missing streets
but if Keanu Reeves can jump them
in a bus
we should be able 2 cross them easy
the time you tho we lost
we didn't, i took it
and i'm here 2 give it back
i'm here 2 fix the broken road
and repair the streets that cracked
i'm willing to do anything
if anything is what i have to do
2 connect the broken streets
and fix my path 2 u
~i'm just him~
tru story
(in) evitable
Today I made it in one piece! C’mon gimme some credit for that. This sick witch deserves it :). Gimme some clap clap ...
The whole wide world on my shoulders. Cavite rain and a cloudy weather in Manila. The sun’s dead. Off to work really really early than usual. Strutted Timog and Morato on my own, alone to grab my meds. Crossed that street and grabbed my comfort signature grande hot choc’late from Starbucks :). Took a late lunch pasta to go which I failed to finish off decently. Killed myself from workin’ the whole time. Extended my time at the office. The train broke down again, Took my baby cousz Jerome’s call. Somezin’ that made me shook my head, and made my li’l jaw crashed on GMA Drive. Taena, ang hirap ng buhay no.
Diamonds tears dropped and floated on my skin. He was crying SOS since Friday nyte :(. A call I couldn’t even return, my own voice cracking back at myself. At bus ride, I played my role really really well. The Ate of all Ates. It was like a paid advice. Something I paid dearly. Fuck that good reputation! Fuck that respect crap! I sounded like the most dependable parish priest. Gimme sainthood baby! Gimme heaven’s gate! If I die tonight I deserve more than that mansion … I deserve all the accolades and all those ribbons baby! I should have recorded that much needed sound advice, and play it repeatedly for my own, relapsin’ junkei self! The height of hypocricy! All fucked up me! It’s like spittin’ on the clouds. And getting’ all my dirty saliva right back on my ugly face.
I got his thanks and love. I was staring blank on black. I was silently askin’ back … were those raindrops or tears?
Missing my friend’s birthday. And jusz promising her our much awaited pajama parteeh with the rest of DOGNUTS come December. Tiz one’s for Arlene Lee … and finally relieving her for being the poster girl for FOOL IN LOVE.
Sophie. Last night I was helping her with her homework. Maternal duties amidst of …. Galing ko, tama pa rin, parang wala lang… parang OK lang. Geometry crap!
Sophie this night. Sleepy mode while reviewing … I tolerated coffee instead of fresh cartoned milk … funny moments with my daughter while mommy trying to keep her awake …
... THE AB ROCKET STRAT
... NOT WORKING STILL ... SO MOM MADE HER COFFEE
... UP TO NO GOOD ... STILL TIRED, DIZZY, SLEEPY, MY DAHLIN' SOPHIE
While everyone was getting their sleep … some late night … and very rare violation … AC breathing hard … glade orange squeeze on hand, Home Remedies scented candle burning angrily inside my lilac room, IPOD crying Another Suitcase in Another Hall ….
[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Another suitcase in another hall
[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Take your picture off another wall
[Eva:] Where am I going to?
[Che:] You'll get by, you always have before
[Eva:] Where am I going to?
Bleed, Brew and smoke in my room. Oh tear ...
I’ll take some late night, early morning shower … and God can take me away so easily. :) ... please, please, take me away, God.
The whole wide world on my shoulders. Cavite rain and a cloudy weather in Manila. The sun’s dead. Off to work really really early than usual. Strutted Timog and Morato on my own, alone to grab my meds. Crossed that street and grabbed my comfort signature grande hot choc’late from Starbucks :). Took a late lunch pasta to go which I failed to finish off decently. Killed myself from workin’ the whole time. Extended my time at the office. The train broke down again, Took my baby cousz Jerome’s call. Somezin’ that made me shook my head, and made my li’l jaw crashed on GMA Drive. Taena, ang hirap ng buhay no.
Diamonds tears dropped and floated on my skin. He was crying SOS since Friday nyte :(. A call I couldn’t even return, my own voice cracking back at myself. At bus ride, I played my role really really well. The Ate of all Ates. It was like a paid advice. Something I paid dearly. Fuck that good reputation! Fuck that respect crap! I sounded like the most dependable parish priest. Gimme sainthood baby! Gimme heaven’s gate! If I die tonight I deserve more than that mansion … I deserve all the accolades and all those ribbons baby! I should have recorded that much needed sound advice, and play it repeatedly for my own, relapsin’ junkei self! The height of hypocricy! All fucked up me! It’s like spittin’ on the clouds. And getting’ all my dirty saliva right back on my ugly face.
I got his thanks and love. I was staring blank on black. I was silently askin’ back … were those raindrops or tears?
Missing my friend’s birthday. And jusz promising her our much awaited pajama parteeh with the rest of DOGNUTS come December. Tiz one’s for Arlene Lee … and finally relieving her for being the poster girl for FOOL IN LOVE.
Sophie. Last night I was helping her with her homework. Maternal duties amidst of …. Galing ko, tama pa rin, parang wala lang… parang OK lang. Geometry crap!
Sophie this night. Sleepy mode while reviewing … I tolerated coffee instead of fresh cartoned milk … funny moments with my daughter while mommy trying to keep her awake …
... THE AB ROCKET STRAT
... NOT WORKING STILL ... SO MOM MADE HER COFFEE
... UP TO NO GOOD ... STILL TIRED, DIZZY, SLEEPY, MY DAHLIN' SOPHIE
While everyone was getting their sleep … some late night … and very rare violation … AC breathing hard … glade orange squeeze on hand, Home Remedies scented candle burning angrily inside my lilac room, IPOD crying Another Suitcase in Another Hall ….
[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Another suitcase in another hall
[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Take your picture off another wall
[Eva:] Where am I going to?
[Che:] You'll get by, you always have before
[Eva:] Where am I going to?
Bleed, Brew and smoke in my room. Oh tear ...
I’ll take some late night, early morning shower … and God can take me away so easily. :) ... please, please, take me away, God.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
dread
Just on sabbatical:)... this Netizen junkie ... on that busiest part of this internet highway.
My good friend Arlene Lee Mataban is 42 today. Sadly, 'can't party with her at FB. I greeted her in Yahoo, and posted a little something in YT :) If she's not going to be really busy before midnight, we can IM a bit. I just hope I'm still up for it ... I'm sleepy, I'm tired, my nape’s heavy ... blood pressure shootin' up. That explains my nausea and these never ending hiccups. My heart beat, slow and heavy. Aspilet tomorrow and everyday. To loosen up my blood, so not to pressure my heart. Meantime, our sphygmomanometers, we have two, both not working, :( I don't want to go see the doctor tonight. Can't be absent tomorrow. Davao's really soon. :(
What happened to JT … leaving Facebook, too. Such troubled spirits, let’s hope we both find peace somewhere else … and really soon. Blessings, magic spells, fairy dusts … let’s grab whatever it is within our reach. Speakin’ of … not finish with sigillum yet :( … I dunno … I prefer Psalms 47.
… Two sigils perfectly fitting each other … why then are we like this? Tell me please coz i don't understand this anymore.
'Taking time ... wastin' time ... Peace from the other side, war torn on the inside ... me polishing on my writing and catching up with my reading.
Me getting a little friendly in twitter ... now following heartbreakaches and iamdeyngerous ;) A total of 3 tweets in the last twenny four hours. Shame shame shame on the dumped and the wasted! Check out those one-liner tweets (mostly dark argggg) @ http://twitter.com/pixietales
Me successfully resurrecting my old youtube account. Pimped and updated, complete with that sexy vintage profile pic from my equally forgotten and archaic photobucket :(. Rearranged my modules, my uploads, and three playlists: fairy"s brew, an old flame's, and my twin flame's :).
pixietales burpin'. after almost 2 years here, ngayun lang ako natutong sumagot at mag post ng comments ko LOL. silly blogger!
Milestone: first time to do my own screen shots and posting it here. i am proud. thanks to google. I was writing this comment, feeling that song, even when I'm hurting, I felt that genuine joy in my heart, i must really love the man.
I'm sharing that piece here, and that kind of affection,too. Then that black hole again, that knife again, and those kind of tears again that make your eyes swell and your throat dry ... hurt and love combusting.
I still have no idea how I will survive tomorrow from bus ride to train ride, my work station, and the trek back home when I know for a fact I didn't do very well the last 3 days.
Tonight is another worse ... we usually are talking to each other around this time. Telling each other how much we love and miss "us". Sometimes we get a little naughty ;) ... sometimes we go overboard LOL. We saw each other in HD last Sunday, I'm still hoping that wasn't the last.
I'm sleeping with my daughter tonight ... bati na kami ni Sophie! (ilang days kaming may LQ ... last week was really a bad week talaga huhu) ... I need free, genuine hugs tonight.
My good friend Arlene Lee Mataban is 42 today. Sadly, 'can't party with her at FB. I greeted her in Yahoo, and posted a little something in YT :) If she's not going to be really busy before midnight, we can IM a bit. I just hope I'm still up for it ... I'm sleepy, I'm tired, my nape’s heavy ... blood pressure shootin' up. That explains my nausea and these never ending hiccups. My heart beat, slow and heavy. Aspilet tomorrow and everyday. To loosen up my blood, so not to pressure my heart. Meantime, our sphygmomanometers, we have two, both not working, :( I don't want to go see the doctor tonight. Can't be absent tomorrow. Davao's really soon. :(
What happened to JT … leaving Facebook, too. Such troubled spirits, let’s hope we both find peace somewhere else … and really soon. Blessings, magic spells, fairy dusts … let’s grab whatever it is within our reach. Speakin’ of … not finish with sigillum yet :( … I dunno … I prefer Psalms 47.
… Two sigils perfectly fitting each other … why then are we like this? Tell me please coz i don't understand this anymore.
'Taking time ... wastin' time ... Peace from the other side, war torn on the inside ... me polishing on my writing and catching up with my reading.
Me getting a little friendly in twitter ... now following heartbreakaches and iamdeyngerous ;) A total of 3 tweets in the last twenny four hours. Shame shame shame on the dumped and the wasted! Check out those one-liner tweets (mostly dark argggg) @ http://twitter.com/pixietales
Me successfully resurrecting my old youtube account. Pimped and updated, complete with that sexy vintage profile pic from my equally forgotten and archaic photobucket :(. Rearranged my modules, my uploads, and three playlists: fairy"s brew, an old flame's, and my twin flame's :).
pixietales burpin'. after almost 2 years here, ngayun lang ako natutong sumagot at mag post ng comments ko LOL. silly blogger!
Milestone: first time to do my own screen shots and posting it here. i am proud. thanks to google. I was writing this comment, feeling that song, even when I'm hurting, I felt that genuine joy in my heart, i must really love the man.
I'm sharing that piece here, and that kind of affection,too. Then that black hole again, that knife again, and those kind of tears again that make your eyes swell and your throat dry ... hurt and love combusting.
I still have no idea how I will survive tomorrow from bus ride to train ride, my work station, and the trek back home when I know for a fact I didn't do very well the last 3 days.
Tonight is another worse ... we usually are talking to each other around this time. Telling each other how much we love and miss "us". Sometimes we get a little naughty ;) ... sometimes we go overboard LOL. We saw each other in HD last Sunday, I'm still hoping that wasn't the last.
I'm sleeping with my daughter tonight ... bati na kami ni Sophie! (ilang days kaming may LQ ... last week was really a bad week talaga huhu) ... I need free, genuine hugs tonight.
one love
I. Saturday
… tiz blogger back to writing … pixietales blogspot and twitter almost left in the cold. Late afternoon after some cheap groceries, and yes again, missing my cardiologist for the nth time, that visit 3 months overdue darnnnn …. thank God a year of needles gave me the knack to read my own blood chemistry … blood sugar good ahuh … but my thyroid left for dead, cholesterol overshootin’ demmettt! So then lemme expect blood pressure risin’ again … but we don’t run out of Saturdays … God make me live another week, swear to You, I’ll have that much needed PEP talk with Dr. Sy come next Saturday … promise. And sowiii … I bet he’s is going to sue me for recklessly missing my medication. I swear too, to get back takin’ my salbutamol, thyrax and therabloc religiously ahuh :)
Today locked in my room. After another 48 hours of lack of sleep and food and H2O and meds … me getting up early … and posted and emailed and deactivated. I must say I had a pretty successful day. I left quietly. Not a single word for those I left behind. Except for that short time with Nanat at YM arrrghhhh …. When all he got to say was …. “hay love is so hard”.
… next scene … the garden. Carrots brought us bopis. After househelp cried SOS. A knock on my bedroom door … “Ate Sabado, magluluto ka ba?” “No I don’t have a menu. :(”. And locked myself back in. Sophie silent in her room. I asked her to stay away meantime, mom has a really bad case of sore eyes arrgghh. The lies adults weave when they break their hearts. And don’t make a stand for it.
Couszins. Si Jerome laging timing. He rings me up when something is going wrong. All Ate cay say was, “yeah not a good time, carry on, I can’t tell.” Next scene … tat garden scene with Car’line. Brew and smoke. Na low batt and IPOD. Pagtyagaan ang BB, and my limited playlist there … at least it has a better audio di ba. “Let me be.” That was all I could say.
In between, my officemate closest to me, si Ca … Super text … “ayus lang inom at iyak lang katapat nyan. Lunch out na lang tayo sa Monday, chelo kabab tayo. Treat kita. Ubusin mo na lahat lahat over the weekend. Ayoko na parang yesterday, ang tahi-tahimik mo tapos bangag naman mga mata mo. Lagi ka nakayuko sa table mo. Ayoko nun hindi ako sanay. Sana yung parang dati, you make all of us laugh with your dark sinister.” She ended her SMS with a LOL and a smiley." Syempre, I didn’t text back. I can’t make a promise I’m not sure I can keep.
Me … the theory person. For the nth time, me always hopin’, my theories proven wrong. I remember Rob from Starbucks Katipunan of Mysterium … that branch I missed aba eh near Rustan’s naman pala … pasensya naman, probinsyana ako eh, malay ko ba. Remember with Mark daw I finally followed my instinct even when I didn’t know … and I was right. Hard to do but the most right thing to do was stay away. And I was better off after that. But that was the rightest to do at that time. For a man, not half empty, not half full. Jusz empty. Rob giving me full credits for that instinctive decision.
So what’s this gut feel all about. Is it merely emotions and the mystery that envelopes those undefined sentiments … some mystique passion you can’t put your fingers on. Honestly, sincerely, painfully, I must say … reason and logic hover it, too. Gut feel requires a certain amount of intelligence. An intellect that does not disregard what the heart truthfully says. Sabi nga ni Tito Tony, my ruling body part are my eyes. Eyes … in between my brain and my heart. So then that is why, I have a very good judgment of things, people and circumstances. Even when I always always follow what my heart says … I can see, sense, feel the middle ground. The eyes they have a good full view of what the brains can't feel, and what the heart can't reason with.
So then there was this picture again … crystal clear :( … so clear but I tried to paint with beautiful add ons. Something so obvious I had to do some re-works. But re-works won’t do. True picture's too strong. Sometimes you have to accept that portrait as it is. No re-works … no-repainting … no adjustments … sweet talks are plain sweet, no good.
And hey, the reason why we have been missing it since time in memorial is blatantly because … the reason behind the insynchronicity is because … it was never meant to be from the beginning we breathed our first breath. Jusz a theory.
Me the witch who sees evil and curse evil… Me the fairy who appreciates the true the good and the beautiful and Me the gypsy who knows the best time to walk away …. And the butterfly who keeps Hope thriving in my heart.
What happens after Hope, we leave to God. Beyond us. God rules and over rules everything else.
II. Twins-a- flamin’
I’ll always be with you. Kasama mo ako lagi. You’re my twin flame partner. :)Nagkita nga tayo ulit after 30 years. Next lifetime, magkikita pa rin tayo.
Hindi ako nawala. Hindi ka nawala. Magkasama tayo lagi.
Baka nga we needed nore than 6 and 4 times to make it right. Baka nga next lifetime swak na. Your 7th. My 5th.
Next lifetime may be. I promise not to marry 10 years earlier than you. I promise to wait for you. And promise to take you when I find you the first time. I won’t care, whether I was just 11, and you were just 12. I’ll let you hold my hands longer. And won’t rush on graduation day.
Next time. I’ll see you then.
Sabi ko yun huh. Clairvoyance thinking. Lest we forget, there is a Supreme Being who rules over us. And can change everything between all of us now, yesterday, tomorrow, in a blink of an eye ... in a snap of a finger.
Butterfly hopes.
I truly,sincerely love you, honey ko. I so want you, us in this life span. And even in the next lifetimes to come.
Lemme cry, the hardest, painfullest, to God in a little while before I go to bed.
… tiz blogger back to writing … pixietales blogspot and twitter almost left in the cold. Late afternoon after some cheap groceries, and yes again, missing my cardiologist for the nth time, that visit 3 months overdue darnnnn …. thank God a year of needles gave me the knack to read my own blood chemistry … blood sugar good ahuh … but my thyroid left for dead, cholesterol overshootin’ demmettt! So then lemme expect blood pressure risin’ again … but we don’t run out of Saturdays … God make me live another week, swear to You, I’ll have that much needed PEP talk with Dr. Sy come next Saturday … promise. And sowiii … I bet he’s is going to sue me for recklessly missing my medication. I swear too, to get back takin’ my salbutamol, thyrax and therabloc religiously ahuh :)
Today locked in my room. After another 48 hours of lack of sleep and food and H2O and meds … me getting up early … and posted and emailed and deactivated. I must say I had a pretty successful day. I left quietly. Not a single word for those I left behind. Except for that short time with Nanat at YM arrrghhhh …. When all he got to say was …. “hay love is so hard”.
… next scene … the garden. Carrots brought us bopis. After househelp cried SOS. A knock on my bedroom door … “Ate Sabado, magluluto ka ba?” “No I don’t have a menu. :(”. And locked myself back in. Sophie silent in her room. I asked her to stay away meantime, mom has a really bad case of sore eyes arrgghh. The lies adults weave when they break their hearts. And don’t make a stand for it.
Couszins. Si Jerome laging timing. He rings me up when something is going wrong. All Ate cay say was, “yeah not a good time, carry on, I can’t tell.” Next scene … tat garden scene with Car’line. Brew and smoke. Na low batt and IPOD. Pagtyagaan ang BB, and my limited playlist there … at least it has a better audio di ba. “Let me be.” That was all I could say.
In between, my officemate closest to me, si Ca … Super text … “ayus lang inom at iyak lang katapat nyan. Lunch out na lang tayo sa Monday, chelo kabab tayo. Treat kita. Ubusin mo na lahat lahat over the weekend. Ayoko na parang yesterday, ang tahi-tahimik mo tapos bangag naman mga mata mo. Lagi ka nakayuko sa table mo. Ayoko nun hindi ako sanay. Sana yung parang dati, you make all of us laugh with your dark sinister.” She ended her SMS with a LOL and a smiley." Syempre, I didn’t text back. I can’t make a promise I’m not sure I can keep.
Me … the theory person. For the nth time, me always hopin’, my theories proven wrong. I remember Rob from Starbucks Katipunan of Mysterium … that branch I missed aba eh near Rustan’s naman pala … pasensya naman, probinsyana ako eh, malay ko ba. Remember with Mark daw I finally followed my instinct even when I didn’t know … and I was right. Hard to do but the most right thing to do was stay away. And I was better off after that. But that was the rightest to do at that time. For a man, not half empty, not half full. Jusz empty. Rob giving me full credits for that instinctive decision.
So what’s this gut feel all about. Is it merely emotions and the mystery that envelopes those undefined sentiments … some mystique passion you can’t put your fingers on. Honestly, sincerely, painfully, I must say … reason and logic hover it, too. Gut feel requires a certain amount of intelligence. An intellect that does not disregard what the heart truthfully says. Sabi nga ni Tito Tony, my ruling body part are my eyes. Eyes … in between my brain and my heart. So then that is why, I have a very good judgment of things, people and circumstances. Even when I always always follow what my heart says … I can see, sense, feel the middle ground. The eyes they have a good full view of what the brains can't feel, and what the heart can't reason with.
So then there was this picture again … crystal clear :( … so clear but I tried to paint with beautiful add ons. Something so obvious I had to do some re-works. But re-works won’t do. True picture's too strong. Sometimes you have to accept that portrait as it is. No re-works … no-repainting … no adjustments … sweet talks are plain sweet, no good.
And hey, the reason why we have been missing it since time in memorial is blatantly because … the reason behind the insynchronicity is because … it was never meant to be from the beginning we breathed our first breath. Jusz a theory.
Me the witch who sees evil and curse evil… Me the fairy who appreciates the true the good and the beautiful and Me the gypsy who knows the best time to walk away …. And the butterfly who keeps Hope thriving in my heart.
What happens after Hope, we leave to God. Beyond us. God rules and over rules everything else.
II. Twins-a- flamin’
I’ll always be with you. Kasama mo ako lagi. You’re my twin flame partner. :)Nagkita nga tayo ulit after 30 years. Next lifetime, magkikita pa rin tayo.
Hindi ako nawala. Hindi ka nawala. Magkasama tayo lagi.
Baka nga we needed nore than 6 and 4 times to make it right. Baka nga next lifetime swak na. Your 7th. My 5th.
Next lifetime may be. I promise not to marry 10 years earlier than you. I promise to wait for you. And promise to take you when I find you the first time. I won’t care, whether I was just 11, and you were just 12. I’ll let you hold my hands longer. And won’t rush on graduation day.
Next time. I’ll see you then.
Sabi ko yun huh. Clairvoyance thinking. Lest we forget, there is a Supreme Being who rules over us. And can change everything between all of us now, yesterday, tomorrow, in a blink of an eye ... in a snap of a finger.
Butterfly hopes.
I truly,sincerely love you, honey ko. I so want you, us in this life span. And even in the next lifetimes to come.
Lemme cry, the hardest, painfullest, to God in a little while before I go to bed.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
For Real
Hurt but not angry at you. I’ll get by. I always do.
I promise too that I’ll cherish childhood memories
Be happy with your sons and your one great love …
Luckiest is the man loving the woman he's married to.
I promise too that I’ll cherish childhood memories
Be happy with your sons and your one great love …
Luckiest is the man loving the woman he's married to.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Unreal
"You say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella
when it rains...
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot
when the sun shines...
You say that you love the wind,
But you close your windows
when the wind blows...
This is why I am afraid;
You say that you love me too..."
Weekend na 2 days from today. A little earlier, Lani and my password . Two weeks after a sweet suggestion … it is now disabled. Ok, lemme just do this and help me God to find that firm resolved.
Ang paglayo naman hindi in a blink of an eye. Dahan dahan naman talaga yan. Madalas paulti-ulit. Madalas pabalik-balik. Back where you started. :(. Tapos bawi uli. Drop again. Tayo uli. Ako pa, I have a long undisputed record of back-sliding and relapse. :(
Next step. IDD --- Isolation Driven Development. Useless naman, Ill get charged lang for the perpetual rings, the sents. Fucking freezer voicebox!
Me still figuring out how to put Eu here :) for call forwarding. Silly girl, silly old girl.
The art of feigning unawareness, pretending knowing not what you actually know. Or may be just plain and simple resounding silence. Cold mails, frozen walls.
Even to that place where we first met … let ‘em grow grasses and wildflowers.
And Nah, Im not coming to any meet ups. Left alone!
Back to Friday nights, we go drinking.
… shutting down … Jesus … this will be long, hard and painful.
Here goes …
but you open your umbrella
when it rains...
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot
when the sun shines...
You say that you love the wind,
But you close your windows
when the wind blows...
This is why I am afraid;
You say that you love me too..."
Weekend na 2 days from today. A little earlier, Lani and my password . Two weeks after a sweet suggestion … it is now disabled. Ok, lemme just do this and help me God to find that firm resolved.
Ang paglayo naman hindi in a blink of an eye. Dahan dahan naman talaga yan. Madalas paulti-ulit. Madalas pabalik-balik. Back where you started. :(. Tapos bawi uli. Drop again. Tayo uli. Ako pa, I have a long undisputed record of back-sliding and relapse. :(
Next step. IDD --- Isolation Driven Development. Useless naman, Ill get charged lang for the perpetual rings, the sents. Fucking freezer voicebox!
Me still figuring out how to put Eu here :) for call forwarding. Silly girl, silly old girl.
The art of feigning unawareness, pretending knowing not what you actually know. Or may be just plain and simple resounding silence. Cold mails, frozen walls.
Even to that place where we first met … let ‘em grow grasses and wildflowers.
And Nah, Im not coming to any meet ups. Left alone!
Back to Friday nights, we go drinking.
… shutting down … Jesus … this will be long, hard and painful.
Here goes …
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