Now, here's the inevitable each time I activate my FB account.
I get bombarded by a barrage of memories of you, of us. Nah not the bad ones, but our sweet fun funny endearing and, intimate memories.
Going back to Facebook gives me that feeling of wanting you and what i thought i had with you even for a brief period of time. I miss our marathon conversations, successfully overcoming distance and time difference. Until this very day, as i think of you, i am certain that you are still my most favorite person to talk to. I thinks it's not fair , but very accurate to say that i've deliberately wasted time trying to be affectionate with other men, some of them were old acquiantances, one was my bestfriend ... hoping that anything will come close to what i had with you. Or may be nearer to my idea of you, my concept of us. the effort to feign it made the difference between them and you more obvious. Instead, it throws me back to my own puddle of realities. It breaks me to see how far we've gone with our separate lives, and how long 4 years went like it was another 30 years or more.
Going back to Facebook is like chocolates and cigarettes and all the many bad things my doctor asked me to avoid. Coming back is too tempting, too strong for me to resist checking on you. So i would, like a crazy fool, and so i did, like a silly girl. I was happy to see an old picture of you in the cover photo. I've never forgotten your silhouette. I remember clearly that gaze i mistaken to be of a man genuinely in love with me, and your lips i really thought i could kiss one day, and your cheeks with that trademark mole which first stole my attention in 6th grade. then it was cute, now to me it's sexy. :-). And i did, yes i did feel the joy in your heart in those pictures. How proud you are with your wife. and your sons not little boys anymore. And a new baby. I wish i have that life, too, with you. But i'm not her, so ...
But this time all that doesnt matter. Facebook makes me remember my journey with you. The way you call me honey, reverberated and made my knees weak. Youd tell me you love and that was it, i melted away. We did agree, yes, that the best sex is always with the one you love. And each time we did, you'd bring me to a place I always wanted to stay and spend blitzkrieg makin' luv with you. Both Taurus, we are each others equal when it comes to sex as we are with our sense of humor.
If you lied to me. If you loved me or not. Or if you love her more. If didnt matter. Years passed and its was unnecessary to understand all the reasons why you left me hanging and clueless the time i needed you (and my daughter) most, why you cursed my friends, and pretended you didnt know about me, why you eventually dumped me ,,,, why you said things you didn't mean ... why you made promises you did not intend to keep ... etc etc
... but that day i came back ... our memories got me ... they were too good, and beautiful and happy ... and may be that's why it hurts.
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