chasing waterfalls

In the slightest provocation … these little things

Early Monday, eto na si Kuya Teddy, handed me my bill, and saw all the international calls/SMS to that single number in Houston. A minute after , Maui approached me and gave me her pasalubong from Singapore, a purple pen that sez Shrek and Fiona. Tearfully missing us :(

Umiiyak. Umiiyak pa din ako sa BPI Timog. Buti na lang pang-lima pa ako sa teller no. 2.

Me and aRcee, who pretends to be you, but he is not you. I hated him for this. Some people just thrive on some scorned woman’s misery.

Me and Ading, who wants to take your place, but he knows it still belongs to you. A minute too late, because just for a night I was yours for the taking. A vivacious, beautiful soul, they say, given to you as a gift … was just thrown away just like that. A minute too soon, I was a different person. Kahiya naman kay Ading, yung matagal nyang sinearch na Irma, starbrighter pretty (lol) daw sabi nya sa AES. Nung inabutan nya mas basag pa sa durog. Wala na syang magawa, ni hindi umubra ang tweetums at pa cute. Taob lahat ng pick-up lines. Sayang … you had me at my best, and all that was left to this wonderful man, were broken pieces of what was once his starbrighter! May be one of these days, Ill give him my apologies. Oh, tear …

Me and Dudes, adores me, so it can’t be you. I hate it too why I love him only as a best friend. I cry over for not having him as a lover, I cry harder for my bad judgment.

I bursted everyone’s bubble. Sayang ang overseas call ni Jomat. Magkano din yun. And Arlene’s hope were all in vain. You were no better than her Error! We were just your preys. Sayang, can’t prove wrong the rest of Dognuts. Sayang all the good wishes of CITEM friends who believed in you, in me, in this, in us. Sayang the admiration and kindness of a few KES batchmates. And all the silent prayers that probably did not reach God. Sayang, Tagaytay plans with Sophie, your princess :(. Buti nalang hindi ko sinabi, that would have added up to her vague understanding of my behavior in the last 60 days. A double whammy for princess, a few days after you'd go breaking her mother's heart. Would break hers, too. Sayang and April 2011. Sayang our trip to Baguio. May be Palawan. Eat Bulaga. Pacquiao stuff, I called Nike na ... shipment this month. Sayang na sayang ang baby girl. That possible wonderful happy life together. Sayang naman ako, sinaktan mo lang. What do I do now with all the broken pieces of me. I was whole before you came. Someone better would have made something out of that. I would have been better off with that someone. Ngayon wala na akong mabibigay. Unfair to the next taker when I do not have anything good to offer anymore. Lalong sayang, the sacred memory of two lovely kids who were special to each other and wanted to marry each other. It’s all gone and in as much as I want to keep them, that beautiful part of my chilhood, I guess they're now lost in the rubbles.

Nonetheless ...

Salamat sa isang box, that kept me company or should I say this again is my current survival kit.

Salamat sa Alfani shades, my most reliable cover-up never fails me.

Salamat sa huling cubicle sa Ladies Room ng Marketing at sa bidet na rin. The sprinkle of water … you wont hear my sobs.

Salamat sa ulan, I can always say my stupid umbrella gave away. I’m all soaked.

My shower, my refuge. The splash of water on my face, and the sound it makes when it hit the floor. Just the best, most solemn place for an outburst of tears and the most bitterest cry.

And to my favorite pillow, where I bury my face each night. I wake up with the taste of water and salt. The scent of sadness around my room lingers.