Somebody gives you a glass of margarita
Be nice, raise your glass, smile, and say your thanks. Even two tables apart :)
He pass on a piece of paper, and ask for a name
Tell him, it’s Heather. Heather Brown.
It got him a little curious, and ask a second question, “Are you not from here?”
Give him two words, “Not really.”
He gets a bit confident, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Toss tat goddam hair, cross your legs, shake your head with some of your locks falling on your face
“Shut the hell up! I’m a very much married woman.” (cuz technically I still am.)
“So how many kids you have?,” this guy trying not to give up …
“Five. I have 5. Fourteen, 11, 9, 5, and I gave birth to a little boy last year. And having said that, I am officially ligated as of this time.” … still flashing your sweetest, honestest smile, and even when the highest heaven knows you only have one darling for a daughter... and even when mundane sex was like 6 years ago arrrghhhhh
And he, the fighter … and asked for number …
09178808557 … ramble the last two numbers … LOL
Last attempt … “You have FB?”
“Yeah, Heather Brown (ako na! ako na! ako na nga ang pinaka sulpada sa FB … can’t be searched, can’t be added, can’t be sent a message! … Me, freakin’ useless in Facebook!)
He said thanks as if he owes you a favor … (awww poor sweet, seachin’ guy)
“Can I drive you home?” (with that flashy red car! Arrgghhh)
Me still being nice … “uhhhmmm thanks, too but my girl friend is taking me home.” (Even if she was jusz dropping me in Timog … so I can get a really nice EMG cab driver … to take me all the way up up South, for as long, I pay one thousand three hundred bucks, and buy him coffee from 711 somewhere.)
(Telling a lie, it can be liberating. You get home overdosed from a mix of free margarita, paid vodka, tanduay ice and san mig lyte. Peaceful, from lonely, sad midlifers who are in equally miserable relationships, who probably cannot get over from lost loves, unfinished businesses, fucking puppy loves.
Sweet Jesus, sparing that part of your life … a beautiful past undisturbed. Wonderful and innocence stays that way. Live your lives minus the regrets, the hurts, the sorrows, and the angsts. When dreaming on is free, painless, and lovely. And never really waking up from it. Bringing it to your graves.)
***gusto ko sana mabasag kanina. Kiddos waiting. My hard face. Biting my pretty lips. But this week, and not this Friday night, was my last howl. Hindi na. Hinida na kita iiyakan pa. Sasakit ang dibdib ko, oo, pero hindi na kita iiyakan pa. I have to accept what I was long prepared to do. Numbers. You were but a number. My education. Statistics being part of Economics. Was not Cum Laude for nothing. You ... just in my record. It was okay then. It's okay now.
Me embracing the change. Not letting anybody else come closer and get in. Another Fresh Start.
My aloneness.
... my other garden ;)
About Me
- Irma
- I'm not a graceful person. I'm not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2AM, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.
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